What a Girl Wants

People are insinuating that I am single because I’m too picky. I would argue that my dating rules are not completely out of control.

It’s just that I could never love a man who…
-owns a Hummer.
-has a last name that ends in a soft ‘a’ sound. (For example, had I married one of my ex boyfriends my name would be Quiana Hua, as in rhymes with Mauna Pua. DISASTER.)
-is a Libertarian.
-doesn’t eat meat.
-is shorter than my mom. (5’7”)
-has parents that I dislike.
-is scared of spiders.
-is allergic to more foods than me.
-smells bad.
-isn’t as smart or smarter than yours truly.
-doesn’t share or humor my spectacular dorkiness.
-doesn’t like to go out and do things.
-is bothered by my tone deaf car serenades.
-isn’t funny.
-doesn’t care about politics.
-doesn’t get the movie Groundhog’s Day.
-can’t say no to me.
-doesn’t like Steve.
-my uncle Brad doesn’t like.

I would venture to guess that I’m still single because I’m a colossal bitch.