Friday, December 18, 2009


This morning I ate "strawberries 'n cream" flavored yogurt.

This put me out of sorts.

Aren't all strawberry yogurts berries and cream flavored?

Also why "'n".

Also why is this bothersome to me? I wish I was in therapy so I could further explore these feelings....

Therapist: How are you feeling?

Q: Disgruntled.

Therapist: Is this about yogurt again?

Q: Mmmmmmmmaaaaybeeeeeee.

Therapist: Sally, cancel the rest of my afternoon appointments and tell my wife I'll be late for dinner.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

We need to talk about your TPS reports.

My field is experiencing some rather severe setbacks of late and this resulted in the RIF of our mail room clerk.

His duties were redistributed to a number of (apparently disgruntled) coworkers.

So when I went to send a piece of mail certified it was no surprise that the form used to bill my department and the envelope were brought back to me with another form that I need to fill out, but was not aware of.

I completed 2 forms and set them on top of the envelope in the mail room to be mailed. Success!

Now it is a month later and I attempted to mail another envelope. Early the next day I received a testy (teehee) voice mail notifying me that I must google where to attach the 2nd form to the envelope because if the envelope is not fully prepared it wastes her time.

Ripping off the backing of the adhesive strip wastes her time, but calling and leaving a 2 minute angry and repetitive voicemail is an excellent use of her time. I called her back to explain that the rules keep changing and yet I am not notified and that I will take care of it, but during the frenzied conversation this woman made a huge point about how mailing envelopes is not her job and wastes her time.

So I waited for this joyous individual to go off of mail duty, and go downstairs to reclaim my envelope and adhere the form to it. And lo, it is gone. The mail sorting room is the size of a small walk-in closet and contains 1 counter with 1 thing on it. That 1 thing- not my envelope. I checked in my mailbox, I checked in the to-be-sent mail box, I looked on the counter and then the floor. Nada. I assumed that when I had called her earlier and listened to about 16 seconds of vitriol before saying, "Ok, bubye" and hung up on her she changed her mind and just did it.

This morning, imagine my dismay when I received another voicemail complaining that I did not take care of my envelope. Knowing it would suck, I wearily called her back and explained that the envelope was not there. The conversation went thus:
Rude Woman: I left it on the counter.
Me: When I went down there it was not on the counter.
RW: Yes it was, I left it there.
Me: I looked on the counter, there was nothing there. I figured someone must have mailed it.
Me: OK, bubye.

So I waited another hour or so and go to the mail room. The envelope was not there.

I dug around and find that someone had processed it.

Finally. My envelope was mailed with two wasted trips to the mail room, two phone calls, and two torturous voice mails. No wasted time here. Certainly none wasted on actually processing mail.

While I'm sympathetic to the fact that it is annoying when people don't follow rules and being screwed over by the budget cuts sucks, I'm not sympathetic to people who cannot behave themselves appropriately. Doing the mail may suck, but unfortunately for the rest of us, doing the mail is this woman's job. It's easy (which is great because my only other interaction with her was when she lost important paperwork and blamed me because paper-clipping it putting it in an envelope was insufficient), and apparently leaves you plenty of time to act like a jerk.

Fungi not as fun as name implies.

So, guess whose trunk is still leaking?

It's me! Back to the drawing board- by which I mean crawling about in my trunk with a Mag-Lite and tube of sealant.

And they say blonds have more fun.

Saturday, November 07, 2009

Gunk in the Trunk

Guess how I spent my morning.

If you guessed crawling in and out of my car's trunk with a MagLite and screw driver, you are really good.

About a week ago I noticed that my car did not have the nice clean smell I was accustomed to. It had a funk about it that I could not put my finger on. (I'm going to take a moment to remind the reader that the whole "don't end sentences in prepostions" thing is not a rule, but a stylistic choice- so no trolling!)

Yesterday I opened the trunk at Nordstrom and there was a 2 foot square patch of terrifying white mold. So I shut the trunk, thinking that this was a problem for Future Quiana. (Sucks to be her. Literally, right now.) All I could picture in my head was two inches of fetid standing water in the spare tire well and the slimy, heavy tire rusting away that I would get to lift. This was too much for me on a Friday night. Instead, I decided to do this before breakfast on a Saturday morning after a very late night. GENIUS.

Naturally it is pouring and I didn't need the neighbor boys watching my yoga panted rear as I clamored in and out of the drunk of my land-yacht, so I moved the car into our tiny garage. I unbolted the trunk lining and pulled it up and out of the affected areas. It has been raining pretty heavily for at least a week, and even though there was a TON of mold there was very little standing water. I gave the drain gaskets in the wheel well a good clean and the trunk is drying out in the garage. The hideous trunk liner is having various solvents tested on it in inconspicuous areas and other than being filthy, damp, and annoyed as hell, this whole thing has gone pretty well. 4 (FOUR!) points of entry were discovered and I hope to buy some sort of sealant for the trunk and get this taken care of today.

I think I will even replace the windshielf wipers, rain-x the windows, and give the whole thing a good detailing. So, in spite of the disgustingness, all in all I classify today as a win.

And that, my dear friends, is the pinnacle of my story telling ability lately, hence the lack of bloggage. But if you liked this entry I'll be happy to oblige you with other tantelizing tales of tidying and other such enchanting stories.

Happy Saturday.

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Saving Myself

I've had the novel The Moonstone on my nightstand for months. Haven't read it.

I even moved it onto my "current reads" category on

Today I read the introduction by PD James. And then I read the author's note.

And then I stopped. I just can't seem to read it.

Wilkie Collins is an amazing author. The Moonstone is supposed to be the second detective story ever written. The first, and according to most, the best mystery novel ever written.

Collins wrote my favorite book of all time, The Woman in White.

The Moonstone is his last novel. (Which is fine because he is quite dead.)

I've been enjoying looking forward to this book for so long. Is it crazy that I'm nervous to read this book?

Friday, October 02, 2009

Chris Rock talks to Leno about Polanski

I have been so mad about this whole defense of Polanski situation that I couldn't blog about it. And I'm still too mad. But I will say that I think it is interesting that one of the few celebrities who is willing to stand up and say, "Hey, this guy is a child rapist, send him to jail" is Chris Rock.

Jezebel has the pertinent clip if you are curious.

Thursday, October 01, 2009

Wednesday, September 02, 2009

Funny things.

This morning while I was having my teeth cleaned I overheard a dental hygienist talking to a boy about 11 in the room across the way.

Dental Hygienist: How long do you brush your teeth?
Kid: Uhm... two minutes?
DH: I don't think so. How about you try for five?
DH: Any fun plans before school starts?
K: Visiting dad in Hawaii.
DH: Oh that will be fun. What will you do there?
K: X-Box.
DH: Not the ocean?
K: There are jellyfish.
DH: Jelly fish aren't as scary as all your teeth falling out.

Bonus funny:
Excerpt from ebay auction, "Nothing can compare with this Scarf:"
Nothing. Well, maybe other scarfs. But that is it.

Monday, August 31, 2009

Neil, stop looking at me like that.

Hilariously sultry Neil Gaiman talks about vampires at Entertainment Weekly.

Says Neil, "Come lie down on this velvet settee. Nothing weird here. RAWR, baby."

Where did they get this pic? Is Neil doing tasteful boudoir photos now?

Not that I'm complaining.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Unpopular Opinions.

1. The return of the North Korean prisoners.

I've been wondering if having Bill Clinton retrieve the prisoners was the right thing to do because the journalists have more or less admitted that they knowingly approached/crossed the NK border. Hey, guess what, screwing around with border crossing, particularly in this case, is pretty obviously dangerous. Furthermore having Clinton show up to speak with Kim Jong Il only gives him and the people starving to death in NK the belief that they run diplomatic relations and moreover, that kidnapping our citizens is an ok way to open up said relations.

I wonder if we would have bothered sending Clinton if they weren't pretty women and the sister of a popular journalist (I also wonder if these journalists correctly assumed that if they got caught, they'd get away with it because they are well connected women). If they were middle aged white guys they'd probably be breaking rocks right now and I might not even know they were there.

Saying that we should have left these journalists there is a very upopular opinon, so it was incredibly gratifying to read this article on Slate and find that I'm not the only one who is skeptical about the diplomatic situation in NK.

2. Inglorius Basterds.
Part of me is interested in the way Terrentino artfully styles his violence, but all the kind of porny over-the-top violence and general proliferation of hate is on my nerves lately.

Recently I declared "No more Nazis!" Having just finished The Book Thief, which was admittedly very good, I relized that I really could live without reading about Nazis for oh say the rest of my life. Not simply because the crimes perpatrated by the Nazis were horrendous and dreadful to read and imagine. But becuase Nazi soldiers were also people trapped in unimaginable positions, most of whom did very little to end the terror of the day, but who were also people victimized by their government in every concievable way.

Furthermore re-imagining these terrible acts, romantacizing, villanizing and obsessing is not a suitable way to never forget. Using Nazis as standard bad guys trivializes what happened in WWII, not just to Jews, homosexuals, and other persecuted groups, but to the German people.

I also feel like using Nazis as the standard bad guy, and WWII as the standard setting for the bulk of western literature is incredibly lazy. Making hiding a Jew in your basement, evading Nazis, or fleeing Germany a literary standard makes your book one fictional tale among growing thousands, ever dwarfed by true stories that make the made up ones seem stale and trite in comparison.

And finally I'm tired of being told who to hate and that hate is ok. Desecrating corpses is wrong, torturing POWs is wrong, and hating for shits and giggles is wrong. There are no good guys who take scalps. If the tale was told in real life I would be well in favor of rounding all the Basterds up for a psych eval if not trying them for war crimes.

To those who say there deserves to be some stories of vengence for the Jewish People, I would respond that I wonder how or why anyone could get even with such atrocities.

I read an interesting article about Inglorius Basterds today and a child of a real member of the British X Troup of Jewish comandos wrote:

"When Manfred arrived at the Terezin camp, prisoners crowded around the jeep. Weak and dispirited, they were too stunned to utter a word. He found an inmate who directed him to his parents—emaciated and indeed hardly recognizable. As his father recounted their experiences, which included a stay in the notorious Belsen camp, his father told him that Jews would never get revenge for what had been done to them. “We cannot be that cruel,” he said.

For a man like Ganz, World War II is neither a distant nor amusing memory. He doesn’t seem likely to be engaged by Tarantino’s comic-book violence. “To me, the reality was brutal enough,” he says. "

I couldn't agree more.

Wednesday, August 05, 2009

Soooooooo, define clunker.

So, the new C.A.R.S. program. I've been thinking about stimulating the Japanese economy by purchasing a vehicle that, you know, works and yet my car does not qualify for Cash for Clunkers.

This set me to wondering about who, precisely, would benefit from this program. Not the environment (at least not in the immediate short term). And not the poor; I figure that I am about as poor as you can get and still reasonably purchase a brand new vehicle. However, I'm not quite poor enough that my car (though 13 years old) qualifies. Someone who makes what I make would have to be pretty unreasonable to keep a car worse than mine. (After all, you have all been recommending that I dump the car for two years.)

I think to qualify you need to make at least 35K and be an enormously cheap bastard.

OR: trade your car with a poorer person and then you both win. They get a 13 year old, but still better, car and you get 4K.

I am thus curious (but far too lazy to research) about whom this bill was intended to assist. Not American auto makers, this is not limited to them. Not the working poor, they can't afford it. And not really the environment. So I guess this is posturing against OPEC?

Interesting choice.

Friday, July 10, 2009

Abandoned Blog Blues

Sorry (again) about the blog abandonment.

I'm really in awe of the folks who can really focus on writing almost everyday. I swear I am just as interesting. In fact, right now I am really busy negotiating world peace and baking things.

Actually, I've just been dogsitting in a house with no internet access, and blogging from the iPhone is not the most horrible thing in the world, but it isn't exactly a joy either.

SO, in order to not write about the turbulence in my personal life and/or my trip to Indiana to visit my estranged father and brother (culminating in my brother being arrested), let's chat about things on film.

So I saw Transformers 2 last weekend and while my buddy Deuce really enjoyed it, I'm going to have to say that might be the worst movie I have ever seen that was not a SyFy original film. I've seen Ice Spiders. Twice. So please believe me when I say that that was needlessly the worst movie ever made and not in a good way.

I also saw The Proposal. Yes, these romantic comedies are very predictable, and in fact I may have watched already seen The Proposal when it was called My Fake Fiance (an ABC Family Movie), starring Melissa Joan Hart and Joey Lawrence (still totally hot) wherein they also hate each other but plan a fake wedding (because Joey is in debt to a mobster named The Monkey and Melissa wants fee housewares) but then they fall in love for realz. However, The Proposal was very well made (even compared to the movie magic that was My Fake Fiance). Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds are very gifted comedic actors who also look good naked. So good for you two!! (Betty White really did steal the show though.) So, in conclusion this movie will undoubtedly end up in my humiliating collection of chick flicks:

While You Were Sleeping (Sandy B. rescues a man she has had a crush on from certain death, then his family thinks they are engaged. And she almost marries him when he wakes up, but has fallen in love with his brother- Bill Pullman- instead.)

Last Holiday (Queen Latifah thinks she is dying so spends all her life savings to go on a vacation where she charms everyone and eventually wins the love LL Cool J and, wait for it, doesn't die, but instead learns how to really live. *tears gushing*)

Sweet Home Alabama (Reese Witherspoon runs away from her small town life and husband, becomes famous and invents a whole new past but is forced to return home to get her divorce, but doesn't get a divorce because she still loves him and learns loves herself.)

Crossing Delancy (Amy Irving works in a book store and takes care of her bubbie. Her bubbie wants to set her up with a nice Jewish man, but he sells pickles and Amy really wants to be with this famous womanizing author... or does she? Hint: she doesn't. Also what woman doesn't want to be with a man who has unlimmeted ammounts of delicious pickles?!)

I have no idea why I am telling you about my dvds of shame. I'm not saying they're good. I'm just saying I like them.

Anyway, I also watched Miracles (which apparently aired on TV, though nobody bothered to tell me) starring Skeet Ulrich as a miracle investigator with the Catholic church who has a crisis of faith after an authentic miracle is ignored and goes to work for a private society investigating paranormal events.

I really wish America was ready for a show that says, "I know you enjoy thinking of God like a cross between Stanta Claus and your grandpa, but you know, having an omnipotent being paying too much attention to you is maybe scary." There is a reason that the phrase "God fearing" exists. It was a pretty interesting and complex show, and I am really sad that it was never allow to mature and complete the creepy storyline. The question being, is God "good" and how do you know when God is influencing you versus something "bad" influencing you. Since Miracles was canceled I will never find out.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

This is what it is like to be me.

I should preface this story with a note:
I love throwing things away. LOVE it. I find it incredibly satisfying.

Yesterday I was rummaging around in my closet and found these nice gray slacks. Still fit, look good. So why don't I wear them? No idea.

So I wear them today... and hey, guess what, I don't wear them because when I sit and lean forward, they spontaneously unzip themselves. Which is undoubtedly why they were jammed way back in the recesses of my closet.

So. The you go. I will give away/donate dozens of nice clothes, but I can't get rid of the spontaneous nudity pants? I am a crazy person. Also, if my shirt wasn't tunic styled, everyone in the office would know about my striped undies!

In other news, I want, nay, NEED this. Or conversely need to spend less time on design blogs.

Tuesday, June 09, 2009

Thanks, internet!

My finds of the day:
1. Kind of interesting article about Guillermo del Toro on Wired. Includes a chart with numbers of pictures of unicorns denoting the level of liklihood of completion of the films he is currently attached to. (Yes, I ended that sentence in a preposition. That can be done. It is a stylistic choice. So, suck it, haters.)

2. SyFy (HATE typing that BS- Hey "SyFy" you should change your name to the Fake Reality Ghostbusting Network.) is making Alice in Wonderland mini series (keep your fingers crossed for steampunky goodness) along the lines of Tin Man (which I actually found virtually unwatchable but enjoy on the premise and design alone) starring all sorts of interesting sci-fi folks. Via Hollywood Reporter/io9. Does this mean I can simal-stalk Lt. Gaeta, Dr. Frank-n-Furter, and Connor from Primeval all at once in my next trip to BC to visit the parents? YES, yes it does. That seems like an appropriate mother daughter activity.

Also, this came up on my Google Reader this morning and I can't stop loving this guy's work. (Though it does very much take me back to my utz utz club dancing silly early 20's)

Friday, June 05, 2009

Exciting Footage if You're a Super-Nerd

Which I am. HD footage of the surface of the moon from Japan's KAGUYA Explorer.

This one is at about 7 miles up:

This one is at 13 miles:

Thursday, June 04, 2009


Starwars + Magnum, PI = Happy Quiana

For comparitive purposes, the side by side view of the actual Magnum, PI opening and Han Solo, PI:

Wednesday, June 03, 2009

Things on my "mind":

Fantastic 5-part article on Slate about animal testing and a dog at the center of the fight against animal cruelty. Interesting political story.

Where my interests intersect: space, the spirit of scientific discovery, and fashion. Via WWD.

My obsession with Jonathan Adler's designs is carried to the ultimate humiliation. Someone please prevent me from spending $70 on this butter dish. Jim, hide my wallet!!

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Advanced Cat Yodeling.

This video changed my life. (If life=mood this afternoon.)

Monday, May 18, 2009

Canada Tire, You Shifty Bastard!

How Canada Tire unwittingly discovered how to manipulate consumers based on their purchase via NYT.

Interesting Aticle on the high cost of living below the Poverty Line

I keep trying explain why it the same sorts of expenses cost the poor more to people (particularly at work) and I think that this article does an excellent job.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Something to watch 3000 times in a row.

At home in bed with the plague. But, here, this is my gift to you:

Monday, May 04, 2009


Spider Resurrections Take Scientists by Surprise.

Jibber, jib, gack. ERLK. And then I DIED of sheer horror. Thanks a lot, National Geographic.

Jim, please take note that the accepted ways to kill spiders include:

I find a Crank 2 promotional coaster in combination with pitiful whimpering and frightened leaping/ panicked flailing works fine for spider elimination.

Thursday, April 30, 2009

Just make'n conversation...

Oh noes!!!

You may remember the last time I posted this picture. Now it is lol'd. LOL'd indeed.

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Ninja What?!!!

A little New England lovin for you:

Good News!

Almost certainly going to still have a job through next August! Yay!

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Happy Thoughts!

Today my coworkers were fretting about the economy. I told them to buck up. After the SwinePacolypse there will be so many new jobs for the survivors to take!

Don't forget to wash your hands!

Viva la Swine!

Monday, April 13, 2009

Dear "Pirate Captain",

I think you may not fully understand what pirating entails. You were probably excited about parrots, rum, and money. I understand that, I also like striped pants and saying "arg". But you may have gotten a romanticized view of pirating (did you see the Princess Bride?). You should blame the media for providing these liberal hippy-dippy portrayals of pirating as a professional career.

So let me set things straight for you. I am not going to sugar-coat this, pirating is dangerous work. For one thing, people will try to shoot you all the time. (This may be why pirating has gone out of fashion.) And I had not known this previously, but apparently pirating makes you get super self-righteous and confused.

When you kidnap a ship captain, hold him hostage for days and threaten to kill him, generally you don't get to call shenanigans when someone shoots your buddy. Now I don't make my living on the high seas, but I'm fairly certain that you set the level of discourse by showing up with a gun.

You say:

“Every country will be treated the way it treats us,” Abdullahi Lami, one of the pirates holding a Greek ship anchored in the pirate den of Gaan, a central Somali town, was quoted by The Associated Press as saying in a telephone interview. “In the future, America will be the one mourning and crying.”

It is a little late to be trying for the Golden Rule.

But here's the deal. You kidnap our guys and then in retaliation we'll just go to your town and kidnap some of your buddies. I think this is pretty reasonable.

Think about it, let us know.


Friday, April 10, 2009


... I'm not the only one shouting "Eye of the tiger, boys, eye of the tiger!" at small geeky boys holding LEGO robots.

Via Daily News:
Nerd Herd spurred on at cheering sendoff to represent city at international robot competition

FIRST Robotics, helping geeks meet cheerleaders since 1989.

Thursday, April 09, 2009

More Styrofoam Chickens, Please!

1. I was Wil Wheaton's helper at the Emerald City Comicon last weekend, and I tried really hard not to a) humiliate myself, b) crowd him, c) say anything terrible to humiliate Jim.

I managed to not say, "Gee Wil, I saw you on Criminal Minds and I really bought that you were a rapist. Good on you!" OR "I had a HUGE crush on you as a little girl, but then I discovered Neil Patrick Harris, so I've moved on." So, let's tentatively consider this a success. We'll know for sure that I was not scary when Wil (hopefully) doesn't make a blog post about how he met this crazy chick. *fingers crossed*

2. The point of the story above: I met Wil Wheaton. (Note gloating.)

3. My car decided I should spend more time in Ballard instead of coming home tonight; I eventually showed the Merc who's boss, but it would be awesome if I didn't get laid off so that I could buy a new car. SIGH.

4. I'm looking for a new volunteer position to replace tutoring which will end in June. Anybody ever volunteered someplace that really rocked? Let me know.

5. Best sentence I read today:
"Since when did JoAnn Fabrics become the arbiter of MY morals? I'll go to church for that . . .and when I want styrofoam chickens I'll go to JoAnn's." [ZANG!]
From Jezebel's Jo-Ann Fabrics Refuses to Carry "Controversial" Issue of Quilter's Home Magazine.

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

3 more things:

Because you said you wanted more numbered lists.

1. The tutoring program I volunteer with is canceled because they can't afford to pay the only employee the 8 hours a week she needs to be paid to do her work.

I am tired of Washington State ducking its responsibility to fully fund education. It is garbage. I'm sad that our class sizes are too big for these kids to be served in the classroom and now I'm very sad that members of the community can't help after school.


2. I'm tired of people telling everyone not to get mad. Being mad is fine. So, for the record, I am mad. I helped my tutoring kid from failing to a B- this term and now she and other students will not recieve the extra help they need to meet the standards set by the US Government and the Washington Legislature.


3. Oh, and here is one more thing I'm mad about, anyone heard about the new law Karzai is trying to slip through in Afghanistan to appease conservatives (read jerks)?
From The Guardian:
The final document has not been published, but the law is believed to contain articles that rule women cannot leave the house without their husbands' permission, that they can only seek work, education or visit the doctor with their husbands' permission, and that they cannot refuse their husband sex.

Akbari said the law gave a woman the right to refuse sexual intercourse with her husband if she was unwell or had another reasonable "excuse". And he said a woman would not be obliged to remain in her house if an emergency forced her to leave without permission.

The international community has so far shied away from publicly questioning such a politically sensitive issue.

We put this guy in office and this is considered ok?

Hey Hillary, pay attention to this, I am watching what you do, and if this passes with no comment due to the "sensitive" nature of the situation you will officially be the biggest setback to women's rights.

When you "allow" a woman to excuse herself from sex if she has an "excuse" you reduce her personhood.

And I don't buy this sensitivity to foreign cultures BS. Telling me that it is culture to subjugate women is like saying it is culture to keep slaves. I'm pretty sure that if you ask a woman if she would like the right to not be raped, or to go where she pleases, nearly everytime the answer will be yes. This law is simply wrong and no arguement will convince me otherwise.

We should not let this constant war with religious extremeists bully us into keeping silent when something is wrong. If you set up a pupet government you'd better have both hands on the strings.

Friday, March 27, 2009

3 interesting links:

Article debunking popular belief that lobsters and crabs don't feel pain at Discovery. This makes a lot of sense to me because animals have nervous systems to alert them to danger and injury. I've always that that no pain idea was whoey.

Interesting exploration on the politics of gender and sexually transmitted disease over at Jezebel. When Gardasil was marketed to girls, people worried that girls would become "promiscuous", but when it is marketed to boys the major challenges to efficacy and safety. After all why would the parents of strapping boys want to protect the girls, or, heaven forbid, boys with whom they will someday have sex?

A very sad essay about a mother of her violent autistic son is up at Salon and is well worth a read. There is so much about the human mind that we don't know. This mother has no idea as to why specifically he has become so violent, whether his autism is a cause or a contributing factor, or perhaps even only tenuously related. I feel very sorry for her.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Thinking is hard...

In an interesting post about the backlash against the London Police's new terrorism awareness (that phrase seems weird to me) campaign on boingboing I noticed that one of the chosen parodies fell into one of my pet peeves.

Saying silly things. See:

"The police have failed to stop 100% of bombs that have exploded."

Well, that is true. But they have stopped 100% of the ones that they stopped.


This is exactly the same as when I lose something at work and someone says "Well, it's always in the last place you look." Of course it is. Because I've found it, thus am no longer looking. Maybe what they want to say is that it is in a weird place where you wouldn't look.

I also don't believe in CCTV, ridiculous scare tactics, etc., but when you parody it is important that you are more clever than the designer of the original poster. The point of the original poster is that a terrorist can strike anywhere, which I felt was handily supported by the parody.

In the end, all this parody said to me is that the creator thinks that before the War in Iraq they didn't have a terrorist problem. (HA HA HA HA HA HA.) Also they think that there is no way to stop terrorist attacks, so why give the police crap about not stopping terrorist attacks?

I guess my point here is that people are silly. (Nice conclusion, self.)

Thursday, March 19, 2009

A few things...

1. I am very intrigued by the Space Bat hoopla. Here is NASA's official release.
Here is a tribute:

2. Today at work I asked my coworkers if it is always like this, one damn thing after another. You see, I graduated from college shortly after September 11th and I had always assumed that this is simply how things always are. My colleagues assured me that no, things have really just been truly shitty for the entirety of my adult life.


At the start of the year I made this promise to myself that things would be better this year. And they aren't. I haven't been a better friend or daughter. I have only been a better worker by necessity. I haven't been happier, despite an appalling amount of effort in this regard. In fact, I really feel that I have bitched more in the last three months than the last ten years combined.

But maybe it isn't because I'm not trying hard enough. Maybe it is just that things are sucking a bit. So here it is:
I hereby officially acknowledge that things SUCK right now- and that it is ok, because I am here to facilitate the awesome. I will not be discouraged by the sucking. I am redoubling my efforts to be awesome. Things are going to get better through my SHEER FORCE OF WILL.

Do not worry. Things can always get worse. And fuck it, once you hit the bottom, there is no place to go but up.

If you need assistance with locating awesome, you know where to find me. If the economy has you whipped and crying, I am here and I HAVE COOKIES. If you're laid off and lonely, I have cable and a couch.

So, consider yourself on notice, Universe. Things have been worse, things will get better, and no matter what you do, universe, I will be lurking to Pollyanna the ever living hell right out of you.

3. Did you know that fish and submarines control their buoyancy in the same way? Now I know this because one of my fish is lethargically lounging on the bottom and swimming frantically, while gasping pitifully then sinks like a rock.
I went to the good pet store in Kirkland and inquired as to whether he needed a little fishy Xanax or something and guy told me that Steve (the fish) has a swim bladder problem and to buy my fish shrimp and feed them cooked peas. So now my fish ($10 for all four) are being fed shrimp and peas (over $10), like they are at the fucking Red Lobster.
In other news, normal families can't afford shrimp and peas, so those mopey little bastards better cross their fins that I don't get RIF'd or the gravy train is not coming to Fishville anymore.

Saturday, March 07, 2009

It's Canadian week at Mr. & Ms. Pepperoni Pizza's!

It's all Canadian house guests all the time! Very busy right now at work and home, but I promise more nonsensical comments in the future!

Also, here is a video of a beaver. You know, to honor their home and native land.

Saturday, February 28, 2009

What is cutier than a kitten?

Anderson Cooper.

Amazing clip
about why Anderson (though a Vanderbilt)sleeps on his childhood mattress.

Friday, February 27, 2009

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Dear Reader(s),

I am in a quandary and would like your opinion on what I should do.

This afternoon I went to my boss to arrange two sets of vacation days, one week in the late spring/summer and 2 days next week. Basically my boss told me that I would need to ask my coworker who doesn’t ever ask me for help, whether or not I can go on vacation because my coworker may want my help. This same coworker never goes on vacation because “her schedule doesn’t allow for it” (and doesn’t like to vacation, but wants to claim that she can’t go because she is busy) is now in control of whether or not I get to go on vacation. This would not have been a horrible problem if following this conversation my boss had not segued into a lecture about how this coworker doesn’t feel like I’m willing to help and that is why she doesn’t ask. (Said in such a disgusted tone that is meant to illicit shame.)

Now let me tell you that this coworker likes to stretch every project into the Trail of Tears and cannot hand off a project without explaining in extreme detail how it is to be done (including where I should collate papers- not how, or in what order- but what specific location I should stand in while putting together some instruction manuals for a meeting). Now consider me, with the grout bleaching, obsessive fish keeping, use of Excel to organize cookie recipe ingredients, if I say you are an over-obsessive control freak, you are a CRAZY over-obsessive control freak. Furthermore my boss told me that the coworker is making too much in overtime and we can’t afford it, so I have to help.

I objected that I am not unwilling to help, but rather am never asked. My boss then gave me an example where coworker asked me to help and I said “no”. Of course coworker didn’t mention to our boss how it actually happened. (On a Thursday she seemed stressed and I asked her if she needed help, as I had plenty of time, and she said she would “let me know”. I hear nothing until the following Thursday when she approaches me and says she would like my help now. I explained to her that I was busy prepping for the 200 person seminar I was facilitating the next morning (my boss can’t get things done until the last minute, so I am stuck doing things last minute as a consequence), which coworker herself was also attending and that after the 200 person seminar I had promised to help someone else in another department with a project, so I couldn’t help. She said that was fine and she would hire a temp to do it. That is not really the same as asking for help and being told “no”.)

So, I explain to my boss that I don’t think that coworker wants my help because she always wants to do everything herself and that her not asking me for help and assuming I don’t want to or am unwilling to help is crazy.

So my boss gets mad and tells me that she will not get in the middle of a feud between myself and coworker (a feud I had no idea existed until 3 this afternoon), and that shouldn’t I admit that we are both a little wrong.

My answer was “no”. I am not a little wrong. It is not part of my job to chase people around asking for projects. It is the onus of the person who needs help to ask for it. Nobody wants extra work, but I am not the sort of person who refuses to help because it will suck. I am paid to be here 8 hours a day and none of my work is cherries and chocolate so, what do I care. I tried to tell my boss that I cannot control my coworker’s perceptions and that any time I am having a slow period I always make a point to make sure that none of the 3 people I work with need help before I start working on backlogged paperwork, or my pet projects.

I have since received three emails that clearly showed that since 3, my boss thinks that I am somehow magically transformed into a good for nothing ne’r do well. I am upset that my friend sold me down river either because she needs to control every aspect of everything, or for the massive amounts of overtime money. I’m upset that my boss would believe that I refused work. And honestly, we’re having layoffs and I need everyone to know that I work really hard, and that the work I do is important and gets done.

So what do you think I should do:

1. Go to coworker (who BTW I actually hang out with outside of work) and tell her that our boss said that she doesn’t feel like she can ask for help and figure out if she really said that I was too busy to help rather than unwilling to help. Then get the three of us together and talk about this.

2. Meet again with my boss and try harder to explain my situation and how I feel unsupported and how there is no feud, but even if there was, taking the position that I am the bad guy is not ok.

3. Some other option you suggest.

Update: My boss came to me this morning and apologized for not reacting properly yesterday. Having gone home and thought about it she realized that was not possibly true. Today she met with coworker, then I met with coworker and it seems as though there was some sort of misunderstanding. So I am willing to let the whole thing go. And all is well. (Which is good, as I was about to adopt a scorched earth policy at the office, which sounds like it would be a lot of additional work.)

Tuesday, February 24, 2009


I would order this today. Via Jezebel.

UPDATE! By the way, I guess not everyone is a complete loser like me, but just so you know the young man in the video is Alfonso Ribeirbo who played Carlton Banks on The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air.

UPDATE 2! By which I mean I knew, but others didn't. I am the queen of bad TV.

Monday, February 23, 2009

Should have gone to Berkeley

Berkeley's entry to the "What is Nano" video contest being held by The American Chemical Society.Via BoingBoing.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Can't stop finding this AWESOME

So can we talk about Roman Polanski?

He’s been the news lately and I just want to say my peace:

I don’t care what the new documentary implies; Roman Polanski is not a victim. Roman Polanski is a rapist and a fugitive from justice.

1. Polanski violated the sacred trust between adults and children. A 13 year old NEVER has the ability to consent to a sex act. Polanski knew and admitted under oath that he knew she was 13. There is no further excuse. The reason we have statutory rape laws is to prevent adults from exerting their greater power physically, emotionally, or mentally over a child. (And don’t even get me started, but when you plea to statutory rape, there is probably a standard rape charge looking pretty feasible.)

2. Polanski drugged the 13 year old child before raping her. No one can consent after being drugged. Also, he gave a 13 year old girl champagne and Quaaludes. Is that not a big enough problem on its own?

3. She said “no” numerous times. There is not, can not, and should not be a requirement to physically repel someone from your person.

4. He took topless pictures of a 13 year old girl. A 13 year old girl is not capable of the forethought required to prevent her from making decisions she would late regret. There is a reason that child porn is illegal.

5. Polanski’s “defense” team attempted to negate the need for consent by citing that she may not have been a virgin at the time, "She was not unresponsive", and that she was a young woman trying to get ahead by sleeping with Polanski. (Yea, she got really far ahead by being raped and actually stepping forward.) I don’t care if she just came out of a Thai sex show, she was 13 and she said no. Painting the victim as a prostitute who enjoyed the activity is disgusting to the highest degree. No victim is to blame for their rape. Once in a while they may not have done any favors for themselves, but they did no wrong. Furthermore, see above where I mention that having sex with a child is rape even if they want it.

I don’t give a shit that Polanski’s wife was murdered and I don’t care that he survived the holocaust. You are never allowed to have sex with children, you are never allowed to have sex with people who say “no”, and you are never allowed to just skip town in the middle of a legal case.

I can’t understand where anyone is going with this. Polanski is a first degree criminal scumbag.

As far as I’m concerned Roman Polanski is hopefully going to jail, then (and let it be shortly thereafter) going to a special place in hell.

There is an interesting review of the recent documentary on Polanski, Wanted & Desired, up at Salon.

One of the thoughts so well expressed by the author was:

The movie tries to drum up sympathy for Polanski by playing up the media firestorm he was at the center of; but that's Polanski's fault, too. (Before they rape children, celebrities should consider how the media attention sure to result will have adverse consequences for their victims, as well as themselves.)

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Things looking up!

Today I got TWO (2!!) presents at work!

1. A large "Q" made out of wood and painted pretty for my cubical. Yay! A "Q"! That is exciting stuff. I will hang it next to my Shia LeBeouf collection!

2. Fancy smelling soap and a book of zenlike "Hawaiian Proverbs". Yay soap! Sometimes I smell funny, so that should work out awesome. Furthermore, I have been chasing zen. I have not read the book yet, but keep your fingers crossed that it will call for a drink with a tiny umbrella and a strong resemblance to Carmen Miranda's hat.

Also, today was MAGIC DAY: Girl Scout cookies arrived at the office.

AND everyone was envious of the delicious lunch I had made and brought.

On the downside, the babysitting kids let me know that my juggling needs A LOT of work. Perhaps when I am unemployed I will have plenty of time to practice. (Zing!) (Awwwwww nuts.)

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

New Rule!

Can only update SUC while eating ice cream directly from the container.


Things have been slightly less than ideal over here in SUC-land, but I am regaining my equilibrium by counting my blessings and chasing my zen. (By which I mean going to bed at 8 and eating a lot of ice cream.)

1. My mom and Shia LaBeouf have the same birthday. My mother posted it on her wall. "Her wall?", you ask. Oh yes, her wall, because my mother has facebook friended me.

2. A while ago I ordered the magazine Everyday Food (Martha Stewart's magazine for people who like to cook but also have lives) and I have made it my goal to make at least 2 recipes from every issue. Jan/Feb's magazine had a recipe for Turkey Paprikesh and it was AWESOME. (Though instead of just using sweet paprika, I used a combination of sweet, smoked, and hot. Which gave me some interesting ideas for a new BBQ rub, I want to experiment with.) Next I think I will try either Sweet and Sour Pork Stir Fry or the Dijon Potato Salad. (Yes, this is exciting to me. This is because I am BORING, but if you can live with that, you can come over and eat at my house.) If anyone has any back issues of Everyday Food sitting around the house, I will take those off your hands.

3. I saw Coraline with my cousin and some friends and while the 3D was cool, OMG it hurt my sensitive peepers! I have never had to look through glasses before and it sucked. (Yes, I know, call me a waaaaaambulance.) That being said the movie was AWESOME. And creepy. Creepy as in when the movie really got dark many children in the theater started crying and maybe also some older persons may have hunched over in their seat and clutched dramatically at their 14 year old cousin, but then played it off like they were not freaked out at all because they are an adult and this is a claymated movie.
Additionally, the movie features numerous scotty dogs, which really reminded me of certian relatives (Hi, Gram Cracker!) who may own a lot of small bearded dogs.

4. I see 8 o'clock is rappidly approaching, which if you are keeping track, is my new bed time. So good night. If I hustle I might just be able to brush my teeth and get into bed on time.

Waaaa waaa waaaa. Things suck.
Blah blah blah ice cream.
Quiana + Shia meant for each other.
Also Facebook = tool meant to ruin EVERYTHING.
I am boring. Shameless begging.
Coraline = Awesome and a little bit scary if you are a wussy von wusserton.
I am boring/old.

Bonus Night Cap:

Sunday, February 15, 2009

A week so bad that...

I'm having ice cream for lunch.

Yes, veggie loving, excel abusing, must have a balanced meal me had a fry-up for breakfast with Kim and now has had ice cream for lunch. But the ice cream was all natural and local. And I had a multi-vitamin. And ice cream contains milk and fruit. So, you know, I think we're all good here.

Friday, February 13, 2009

Because nobody asked for it...

And because I believe it to be necessary for you to watch this video of a baby pig. Maybe several times. While eating a cookie. And feeling sorry for yourself.

What, just me? Fine. Enjoy it anyway.

Kingsford Goes to the Beach - Funny video clips are a click away

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Stuff & Things

1. As I had been suspecting, another round of layoffs is eminent. Hooray! Stay tuned to find out if I will be turning tricks in mere months! (Kidding, Grandma! (I hope.))


3. My week is the suck. Looking greatly forward to ricockulous numbers of meetings! yay!

4. Nannerpus: breakfast I would greatly enjoy. Can't stop thinking about this.

5. Newest crush: Philippe Cousteau.

Thursday, February 05, 2009

Instead of Blogging I...

-Watched Death Race
-Caught up on my Google Reader
-Caught up on the Tivo, then fell behind again
-Read some books
-Had my nails done
-Went to Canada
-Set the Tivo to record new show awesomeness
-Started working on a ridiculous new plan
-Attempted to hook up my exercise bike only to find the cord is missing AGAIN (may I mention that I just ordered that new cord and placed it in a specific drawer so it would not get lost and now it is gone.)
-Searched the house for things to throw out (promise I didn't throw out the cord)
-Pulled all the good ideas out of all my back issues of Martha Stewart Living, Gourmet, Fine Living, Food and Wine, and marked up my Everyday Food

So now, with all of that out of the way, I think I should get back to having things to say on the internets.

Thing 1: Jim and I went to Video Games Live at the Paramount. The last time I have smelled a geek funk that bad was when Steve, Addy, and I went to see Aqua Teen Hunger Force the night it opened. VGL was pretty kick ass, in spite of the odor and the shushing I had to undertake. (Seriously, who pays that much money to go to the symphony and then talks through the whole thing?)

Thing 2: I just watched Death Race (see above) and for some reason (insanity?) had expected more stuff to happen than driving in circles and shooting. Would you like to see Jason Statham not fight Tyrese? Would you like to watch cars drive in circles and sometimes blow up? Yes?! Well go watch the commercial and save yourself the wasted time.

Thing 3: This morning I arrived at the meeting my boss was facilitating to make sure that all was hunky dory. The caterers had just delivered the coffee and when I walk in, this woman is shaking the "CAUTION: HOT WATER" dispenser right above her crotch and when I inquired as to what she was doing she explained that the water wouldn't come out. All over the table in front of her was steaming hot water. I leaned over and looked at the dispenser and flipped the switch next to the spout to "open". Said the nearly crotch scorched woman, "Well that works much better." Than shaking a decades old, poorly sealed, scalding hot water pump pitcher over your lady bits? Yea, guess so.

Thing 4: On Tuesday I attended a really excellent National Geographic Live! Lecture about ants, frogs, and snakes. If you have ever had any interest in attending one of these lectures, this is the year. Usually these sell out, but the economic crisis has apparently hit the Live! series and there are still seats available.
I look forward to these all year, they are pretty awesome. If you are also interested in attending, tickets are available and only $15-$20.

Thing 5: Jon Hamm is ADORABLE and pretty witty. Watch this video snippet of his interview with Conan. Trust me.

Monday, February 02, 2009

Delusions, Adorable Delusions

Today as I was leaving the local library two girls in their early teens bounced passed. I overheard one saying to the other, "Last time I was here there was a really cute guy. I hope he's here today!!"

She does not yet know that there are no cute guys at the library.


What she saw was a manrage.

Very sad.

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Stupid life, interupting blogging schedule!

Sorry all, I've been really busy.

I promise to resume blogging soon. In the meantime, please prepare yourself for a Bacon Explosion!


Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Cutest Thing Ever

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

I don't believe you.

This evening, after finding a disappointing lack of fish themed party decor, Jim and I decided to make our own using plastic fish.

At the toy store we asked for help finding plastic fish and the employee explained that they are not in season.

What? Plastic fish have breeding seasons do they? Children only have interest in fish toys when they themselves are under water? What does that mean?

In other news, all the clearanced dolls were black. I shit you not.

Monday, January 12, 2009

New Post at Spoilers SUC

In which I review three quarters of the novel Love in the Time of Cholera.

Romance for women who don't like themselves very much, now reviewed with spoilers at Spoilers SUC.

Friday, January 09, 2009

Teeny Weaeny World

Yesterday I found out that the major wreck on Highway 2 on Christmas eve that resulted in the road closure which delayed my consumption of Christmas dinner by well over an hour occurred when a dear friend's brother-in-law's truck was struck by a jeep.

Same said brother-in-law was headed from the general vicinity of my granny's house (location of dinner) to 4 blocks from my house to attend Christmas dinner at his mother's house.


Thursday, January 08, 2009

Neil DeGrasse Tyson is AWESOME

Neil DeGrasse (is he just a little bit RAWR or is that just me?) Tyson explains the nasty ways to die... by science!
First up: death by black hole.

Wednesday, January 07, 2009

More with the OCD.

Sooooooooo below is my Spending Chart (Spending by Budget Area shown in Percentage of Total Spending) from 2008. Yes, I am obsessive, but it is nice to see everything all laid out.

I track, you know, everything.

I used to keep crazy charts to track dating, particular purchases like socks or underwear and other interesting things, but I have fallen out of the habit. Or at least thought I had.

At a National Geographic Lecture I learned that the average American consumes 3 burgers and 4 batches of fries a week. This, of course, prompted me to to to wonder who is eating all of my burgers and throwing the average off. This year I have decided to track my burger and fry consumption. However, I have now run into technicalities that are confusing for me:

1. What constitutes a "burger"? Does a chicken burger count? What is the difference between a chicken sandwich and a chicken burger? Ground meat? Hamburger bun? I had a grilled chicken breast on ciabatta with balsamic vinegar, basil, and mozzarella on Sunday, does that count?

I have reason to believe that the statistic referred to the traditional cheeseburger as the discussion had to do with the carbon footprint of the burger which explicitly took cattle consumption into account. But am I being disingenuous if I don't count a chicken sandwich?

2. Do I have to count the few fries I stole from Steve at lunch last Sunday? Does this depend on number of fries, or is it just straight up number of instances of fry consumption? What if I bake potato wedges? They're not technically fried... so?

Leave me a comment with your opinions on my quandaries.

OCD + Goldfish = Crazy Fishlady

Steve is awesome and surprised me with a lovely fish tank for Christmas and on Sunday we went on the Great Fish Accoutrement Hunt.

We started at Petco and after determining that yes, this was indeed the best tank, I read several pamphlets on fish care, bought a net and thermometer and left*. Next we hit up a Petsmart where we bought NOTHING because nothing met my stringent standards for fish d├ęcor. Finally we went to The Fish Store on Roosevelt where I found gravel (disco style), and a color coordinating castle (every fish needs a castle), and a fake plant (that matches both the castle and plant, because why the hell not if you’re buying a fake plant anyway).

Then I got home and read the book that came with the aquarium and realized I needed 2 buckets, maybe a timer for the light, the tank did not come with tap water purifier (though the box said it did), the plant is probably too tall, and I may or may not have enough gravel.

So I went to Petsmart and bought a new plant and a bottle of tap water purifier. Then went to Lowe’s for buckets.

Yesterday my roommate went to The Fish Store and picked up more rocks for me because he is awesome. After dinner I started setting up the aquarium and realized I needed an additional plant to make the whole thing look less sparse.

So we went to go to Petco again but got sidetracked at Pier 1 where the roommate bought a lamp, which almost did not fit in my car and necessitated that I’m-driving-a-car-with-a-lamp-shoved-through-it-at-a-jaunty-angle sort of driving. Then went to a different Pier 1 for additional lamps and ended up at the Petco in Everett, where I bought a new plant and checked out all of their accouterments (and fish, which BTW looked really healthy and clean- more than at any store I have been in before). At home Jim and I rearranged the furniture and set up the aquarium in the best possible location as noted in the now numerous sources I had researched. After rearranging the contents of the tank a few times while it was full of water, it is finally ready for fish.

Next I researched fish and determined that I can probably fit between 3 and 5 fish in there or a whole bunch of little guys. I also looked at very expensive bettas on the internet, but I shouldn’t pay 30 for a single fish that will kill any other fish I put with it leaving only smooshy fish bits.**

So now all I have to do is find a reputable dealer to assist me in finding 3-5 roughly equally sized, aggression compatible fish that eat the same food, and can live in water roughly between 64-68 degrees. And I should buy an extra filter (JIC), a water testing kit to balance ammonia and nitrites, and food. Fish probably would like food most of all.

This is why people with OCD should not own aquariums. Or perhaps the reverse is exactly the case as I assume that my obsessing will greatly increase the joy and lifespan of my finned friends.

Although, when I was 5 or so I pitched a quarter into a glass at the fair and won a tiny goldfish that grew to 4 inches and lived nearly 6 years, in a glass bowl with nothing but neon pink rocks. I cannot testify to this but I assume that 5 year Quiana was not terribly diligent at feeding him and cleaning the bowl, so perhaps fish keeping is not rocket science.

* I should mention at this juncture that Steve and I found a koi that looks as much like Hitler as a fish could possibly look. A dark black patch on his head and a perfect little mustache. I am terribly disappointed to find out that my tank isn’t large enough to even keep a baby koi. So no Fishler for me.

**Every resource I have checked suggests getting a fragile cheap fish and placing it in the tank to make sure that the tank is ok for the other fish. Does this seem unethical to anyone else? While I eat meat, and happily wear leather, I can’t in good conscience kill any animal unless I have good reason. (Except spiders. Spiders can kiss it.) So maybe I should just get one fish to start with. But a keeper fish. Not some disposable fish. And just keep my fingers crossed?

Tuesday, January 06, 2009

Puppedential Debate = Sheer Genius

My nephew, almost nearly the size of a soda bottle.

Did Poncho lose his shirt? Does he know his evil sister put his nipple on the internet? What the hell is Faygo?

When will this cavalcade of mysteries end?!

Monday, January 05, 2009


Trying to explain the economic downturn to my coworkers is so frustrating. For a bunch of fairly bright people, they are not deep thinkers.

Their explanation of the economic downturn.
1. Banks offer loans to people who cannot possibly pay them off.
2. Now we all have no money. :(

Trying to explain how lenders buy and sell loans and how insurance works is a waste of time. Because their explanation sounds so simple, they are happy to follow it. This worked well with their political opinions too:

1. Sarah Pallin is dumb. HUH HUH HUH.

2. Voting for Obama means vothing for not-Bush.

If only everything was this simple.