Jim Parsons = Adorable

Kamen, Kamen, Kamen! All Kamen; All the Time!

I don't want you guys thinking that all I do is sit around all day and Google (RAWR) Dean Kamen. But there is a lengthy and very interesting article about Dean Kamen in the Telegraph:
Dean Kamen: part man, part machine.

I'm pretty sure which part is the machine. (RAWR!)

Interesting (to me) niblet:
Kamen did spend nearly eight years sharing his home with a girlfriend he met in 1994, but now lives alone. He's decided that he doesn't want to have a family: 'I would rather not be married than ever risk failing at that. It's not like failing at a project: pick yourself up, do another project. But if you have kids and you fail as a father... that's an unrecoverable failure in my mind. I wouldn't want that to happen.'

I think it is a little sad that a guy who takes so many risks and is focused on making products that are needed, but will make him little money (i.e. water and electricity for developing nations) is scared of that risk. On the other hand, perhaps Kamen just knows his strengths and weaknesses.

At any rate, I'm pretty sure that the important thing is that Dean Kamen is single.

Dean,

We don't have to get married. All this girl needs is robot penguin bartenders to serve me perfect martinis. I will accept adorable robots in lieu of marital commitments. (Still single! Tell your friends! But only if they are geniuses! With their own islands!)

Hugs!
q.

Additionally, as I had always suspected, Kamen does wear the same outfit all the time. Thanks, Telegraph! Your article contained exactly the two pieces of information in which I was most interested.

Hot Nerd Sandwich Action

Dean Kamen appeared on The Colbert Report last Thursday. Kamen's crack team of super geniuses has invented an incredible water distiller.



Dean Kamen + Stephen Colbert on screen together? Would it be too far out of line to say that is a nerd sandwich that I could really get into? Yes?

Ok then.

Well let me just say that they are two not-that-great-looking guys with whom I would totally have sex. Separately or together. Kidding! (Not really. Call me, Dean!)

Big thanks to Drew for the heads up on this critical science news. I will assume that Drew also shares my unnatural Dean Kamen related urges....

I told you he was hot, but you didn't believe me.

Javier Bardem

In No Country for Old Men, totally not hot:














In real life, totally hot:




















*sigh* Some androgynous statues have all the luck.


















Pictures shamelessly liberated from BWE, who would never sue me, because that is simply not how they roll.

Hint Hint...

Things that I should email my hot dentist:
Accused dentist claims breast rubs appropriate

Favorite excerpt:
Deputy Attorney General Jeffrey Phillips gave Lew three new complaints, including one from a 31-year-old woman who said Anderson fondled her at least six times over two years.
The above is either the best blond joke ever or her dentist was hot too.

You may file this under:
-plots for 3rd rate porn.
OR
-the kinds of fantasies Quiana has while proofreading data.

Sometimes people like taking things out of context, I assume for the purposes of being jerks.

Michelle Collins of BWE should be my new best friend (sorry Steve).
Her awesome blog-post showing our kismet-esque blogging:
Never Gonna Give You Up, Rick Astley!

End of Original Post.

Addendum:
I was recently linked on a website which basically picked this post out of, I would guess dozens (probably more), of similarly titled posts and (in my view) accused me of being a homophobe.

The blog said that Rick Rolling is homophobic (I disagree) and because I did not like the traffic I was getting I changed the title of this entry. I did leave it up because naming your blog title as the line from Family Guy (as an enchanting circular reference to a show that is only based on references- zing!) is not a crime. I think it is hard to say that I am bashing Rick Astley for being gay- particularly when he is not gay and even more difficult to assert if you actually read the post, only to find that it is a link to someone else's post about her unabashed adoration of Rick Astley. It is probably an even weaker assertion if one looks to the bottom of the post to see that it is labeled under the category of "men with whom I would like to make sweet sweet love."

The internet is a forum for free speech and unfortunately some of that freedom includes the right to be a dick.

More Ichiro Quotes at MVN

Ichiro says the darndest things and stuff.
My favorite:
On re-signing with Seattle: “[My dog] said, ‘Woof, woof, woof,’ which meant, ‘Stay, stay, stay.’ Of course, I listened.”
Actually Ichiro, your dog and I share a long and storied friendship; and believe me when I say that "woof, woof, woof" (or "wan, wan, wan" in his native Japanese) means, "Leave your wife and children, also email Quiana at seattleumbrellaconspiracy@gmail.com."

Linkage courtesy of Paul.

The Real Reason I Believe in John McCain

To quote Stephen Dubner: "If there were an Olympic event for Candor, I think McCain would win it every time."

Is it wrong of me to just desire truthfulness or at least effective lies based on things believed to be the truth?

Interestingly I see this same quality in John Edwards.

Questions for Senator John McCain
Race to the Finish
Interview by DEBORAH SOLOMON
Published: July 29, 2007

Now that your presidential campaign is falling apart and approaching bankruptcy, the consensus is that you’re finished. But some of us have faith in your ability to reinvent yourself. Well, thank you. I appreciate that.

Especially since the other Republican candidates don’t exactly stand out. Don’t put words in my mouth, darling. Listen, I’m sure that in the fall, when people are focused, I’ll out-campaign them. I can do the town-hall meetings, the kind of campaign that wins elections.

Might you consider borrowing, say, $5 million from your wife, Cindy, an heiress to an Arizona beer-distribution fortune? I would never do such a thing. I don’t think it’s the appropriate thing to do.

Why not? You’d consider it an insult to your masculine pride? No, it really isn’t masculine pride. It’s more that I think getting small donations is part of campaigning. It’s part of whether you can succeed or fail. I think that’s going to be the key to our success in the future, whether we can get the small-donor base.

I’m sure you’re aware that your rival Mitt Romney just tapped into his personal savings to self-finance his campaign. Yeah, $9 or $10 million or whatever. I am not criticizing anyone else’s decisions, but I should be able to raise my own money from contributors or take matching funds according to the law, not dip into my wife’s assets.

Did she ask you to sign a prenuptial agreement when you married her? Yes, yes. That was 27 years ago. We were married in 1980.

Well, maybe you will strike it rich with your coming book, “Hard Call: Great Decisions and the Extraordinary People Who Made Them.” How did you have time to write a 450-page look at history? Mark Salter, my co-writer, did it. What we usually do is use a tape recorder and we talk back and forth, and then 90 percent of the hard work is done by him.

Why bother to bring out a book if you’re not going to write it yourself? Well, we had an editor, Jonathan Karp, and it was his suggestion and idea.

He probably didn’t realize how apt the phrase “hard call” would turn out to be for you this summer, not least because of your support for the surge in Iraq. Obviously, it’s an unpopular stand. But General Petraeus ought to be given a chance to succeed. We confirmed him in the Senate knowing what he was going to do.

Do you ever look back and think, God, was I dumb to support the surge? No. You got to do what’s right.

Your youngest son, Jimmy, who is 19, joined the Marines last year. Has he been deployed to Iraq? Marines either go to Iraq or to Afghanistan, and they go back more than once, as you know, because that’s just the nature of the Marine Corps.

So where is he now? We don’t really talk about his schedule. Cindy and I think it’s a private family situation.

As a retired Navy captain, are you decisive in everyday matters, like choosing what to have for dinner? I usually ask Cindy what’s for dinner and then comply with her.

What if you’re buying a shirt? Can you make a decision without deliberating in a department store? I rely on Cindy. She has good taste. I admit freely that I do not.

You don’t have taste? In clothes, no. I think it’s got to do with my military background.

Why? Uniforms are very handsome. Yeah, but you don’t have much of a choice.

Sometimes the most difficult choice a person can make is to quit. I would agree.

Will you cut your losses anytime soon and quit the presidential race? No, no. That’s not a hard call. We’re staying in. I’ve had a lot tougher days than these.

Ryan Reynolds claws way to top

The top of the list of men with whom I would make sweet, sweet love, that is.

Below are links to two interesting blog posts by same said actor.

The Clown God
A touching ode to his brother. And by touching I mean touching poo.

Competitive Eating
Thoughts on eating to the point of internal bleeding for family fun and cash prizes.
Amusing phraseology:
Although oceans and even the most basic human rights may separate these two great peoples, we are ALL bound together by the vibrant spirit of competition and grotesque displays of boundless, unapologetic shitheadery.

Either this kid is smarter than I believed him to be or he has a thesaurus.

Rock On

Best Week Ever is reporting that the Rock is divorced.

Part of me is sad that a nice functional relationship is gone. The other half of me is calculating how much it would cost to get a boob job and a plane ticket.

News you (probably) can('t) use.

Finally! A reason to watch Law & Order.
Yes, he looks like a scruffy ne'er-do-well. And he was in Dead and Breakfast. Jeremy Sisto: I'd hit that.























Amateur scientist (aka a guy with a video camera) has "tape of Nessie"
This video is interesting, I'm curious to see what happens. It's probably just a private submarine, like the one is Swans Crossing.

Some lawyer is doing fancy LEGO art.
It is quite cool. But probably won't get him laid....
Right Paul?

Best Week Ever Salutes Men About Which I Would Say: "Hubba Hubba"

Addendum

Original List



Don't I have anything better to do than post lists of hot nerds?
Not really.

Tom Selleck Party!

I am a big Tom Selleck fan and a big mystery fan, so I'm pretty excited for the made for TV movie, Jesse Stone: Sea Change, which airs on CBS tonight. I guess there have been several Jesse Stone movies, but I have not been able to catch one yet. Tonight is the night!

So, anyone who wants to come over and have a Tom Selleck party at my house tonight, come on over!

Thoughts which pop into my stupid brain.

List of Nude Appropriate places:
Bed
Shower
Hospital
Bath House
Massage Parlor
Oval Office

The Escape is a cross-dressing Taurus.
Last night I heard an add for the Ford Escape, billed as: mileage of a sedan, fun of an SUV. What they actually mean is giant plastic SUV shell on a granny sedan chassis.

David Bowie's Manga Package
An embarrassing fact about me is that I read Tough Pigs, a muppet fan site. A more embarrassing fact is that I read yesterday that there is a Labyrinth sequel manga in existence and all I could think about is David Bowie's Manga Package. Now remember David Bowie's package in the film, then imagine it manga-ized. From now on all of my package related speculation/conversation will be comparisons to David Bowie's Manga Package.

I tried for a long time (ok, two minutes, till I got bored) to find a picture of David Bowie's Manga Package. Alas nothing. Then I looked for a picture of David Bowie's Package from the original Labyrinth and couldn't find anything good.

So here is the best picture of David Bowie's Original Labyrinth Package.

Quiana: Rock & Roll Detective

Recently I loaded some monster ballad action onto my iTunes at work and a coworker mentioned excitedly to me that she had seen Nelson live. Nelson!!! Nelson!

I LOVE Nelson. Growing up I had an unhealthy crush on Ricky Nelson, the father of Mathew and Gunnar (the actual band Nelson). This was mainly unhealthy in that I was 8 and Ricky, frozen forever at a beautiful 16 on TV, was by that time dead.

Never mind that.

My parents share a love of Genesis, Simply Red and Jazz records. My first music purchases were Guns N' Roses and Bon Jovi. My mother cried in the car on the way home.

The music I really loved was Whitesnake, Cinderella, Poison, and Ratt. Hearing about Nelson again after all this time made me wonder if they are still performing.

Well, yes they are. In fact I am a new subscriber to their official newsletter with concert dates etc. If anyone wants to join me for a Nelson concert, let me know.

Nelson fun fact: They inspired a cartoon show called Nelson: Rock & Roll Detectives.

Soon I will drive for miles with my turn signal on.

I can tell I'm getting old because when my single good looking dentist asked me how I chipped my tooth in that spot, rather than saying that some some crazy bitch slapped me in a club in Conshohocken Pennsylvania, I said, "oh I chipped it in college" as though I endured some kind of library accident... in my face.

Further evidence that I am old can be found in the occurences of last night. I wanted to just zone out and watch a little TV, so I started watching one of those police procedurals and was kind of dozing. Then I woke up a little and was channel hopping and when I flipped back to what I thought was the same show, it took me 20 minutes to realize that I had been so tired (both of procedurals and in general) that I watched the second half of the one with Mandy Patinkin and the first half of the Law and Order with Ice-T.

I called dibs in '91, Johansson!

WWTDD.com is reporting that Scarlett Johansson (previously linked to: Justin Timberlake, Derek Jeter, Jared Leto, Josh Hartnet, and Benicio del Turo) has pounced upon Ryan Reynolds in clear violation of the dibs that I called in 1991.

Ryan, I liked you when you had no abs and a bowl haircut... you just keep that in mind.


Readers, you may ask yourself why this is blogworthy here on SUC... well it's just a little something for the ladies.


RAAAWWWWRRRR.

Absence of Blogage Linked Directly to Life Suckage

Friday morning-ish I went in to schedule my cortisone shot and figure out what was entailed and somehow was persuaded to get the shot right then. Saying "no" to doctors, especially aged patrician style doctors, is too difficult for me.

I would also like to say that I balled up and took the shot like a man, which is to say that while I did not kick the doctor I did make petrified little squeaking noises while I covered my eyes.

My doctor told me I should be fine (pain-wise) for a few hours until the anaesthetic wore off, at which point I would experience "The Flare." "The Flare" is when your hurty foot now hurts like the proverbial bitch. T

his is why there was no blogage on Friday. I have a lovely bruise on the bottom of my tootsie now, so I am not sure whether the pain is still the fasciitis or if it is the large gauge needle that was jabbed repeatedly into my foot. I know that my foot pain related news is keeping you all on the edges of your seats, so I'll update you later.




In further (craptastic) news the SUC-mobile decided to uhm, not be mobile and is sitting at home right now probably watching The View and eating cookie dough out of the freezer.

Luckily my auto-shop said they could fit in some QT with The SUCker and hopefully I can return to damaging the environment, no less than twice daily.

Thanks to Monica for loaning me her far swankier car. Although enjoying the heated seats was lovely, you never notice how terrifying driving on the freeway is until your are driving somebody else's much much nicer vehicle. This definitely includes the moment I had with the beautiful 68 Mustang that roared up on me in the second right most lane, causing me to nearly soil myself. Said I to the enchanting vehicle, "I would never drive you like that, baby." At which point Blackstreet's "Good Lovin'" began to play in the background. Sadly the driver stole away into the fog leaving a 68 Mustang shaped cloud of smoke behind it.





In other mundane news, I saw Joyeux Noel (Merry Christmas) last night and found it to be cute and satisfying. The story of the impromptu cease-fires and shared Christmas celebrations across the trenches in WWI was a hair sacrine, but did show how interconnected Europe is and was and how soldiers are encouraged to hate an enemy that they would probably like if they didn't meet at gun point. 3.5-4 well-behaved monkeys out of 5.





I also finished up CSI (6) which was interesting, but not engrossing (though season 6 is better than others) and Entourage (2) which was spectacular as usual (and also stars that guy from The Devil Wears Prada who I am too lazy to look up - Adrian something?- who is super-hot).

In this season of Entourage there was even a San Diego Comi-Con episode, which was an awesome cross-over between three things I like: 1. Comics. 2. Graphic HBO shows. 3. Men with whom I would like to have sloppy make-outs.

In other apropos of nothing thoughts, if I recall correctly Kevin Connolly (the manager from Entourage) was in The Notebook. This is not particularly significant other than the fact that The Notebook was an abomination and Entourage is one of my favorite shows. I'm sure the Notebook related significance for Kevin Connolly had something to do with food and the putting of it in his mouth.

Barney's Blog

If you watch How I Met Your Mother (which you should, if you don't), or just have a raging crush on NPH (Neal Patrick Harris), or maybe even if you don't (though I'm not sure how that is possible) you should check out Barney's Blog.

Here is a sample from one entry last year:

TWENTY-FOUR WAYS IN WHICH WOMEN ARE LIKE FISH

1. Both attracted to shiny objects

2. More fun to catch while drinking

3. Neither travel well

4. There's others in the sea and/or bar

5. Three words: catch and release

6. Both travel in protective groups

7. Small bladders

8. The deeper you go, the scarier they get

9. Their weight largely determines their value

10. [EDITED: My lawyer has requested that I remove this one from the blog… hint: crabs!]

11. They get all ornery if you try to grab their tail

12. Bears will eat either of them

13. Sometimes I likes 'em wild, sometimes I likes 'em farm-raised

14. You must document great catches or no one will believe you -- video preferred

15. Easier to reel in if you let them wear themselves out first

16. Seen the movie Splash? Case closed

17. Cold blooded. Looking your way, Stacy.

18. Neither can operate a vehicle

19. They both eat things

20. The harder they shake their tail, the farther they'll go in life

21. Scales are important to each of them

22. They never have to buy drinks

23. Umm… Eggs? Duh

24. Can hook either with a great line

My nerdiness is an abyss from which no one can escape.

Last weekend my uncle and I watched the Sci-fi Channel Original Mini-Series, The Lost Room.
And I really liked it.

I'm so sorry.
I also like Eurkeka.
And I love Battlestar Galactica.
And maybe I- just a little bit- liked Farscape...

I am intentionally watching shows produced by the same channel that made Chupacabra: Dark Seas and Puppet Master VS Demonic Toys.

Keep back! I could drag you down like a sinking ship!