Monday, September 29, 2008

It is hard to enjoy your staycation when...

you realize you will never retire. 777 point drop in the DOW? There will be day traders turning tricks by Thursday.

Did anyone see this graph? Oh NYT, why do you make sad graphs? Graphs should only be used for good, not depressing.

Looking back on my choice to enter into a career in a non-profit field where I myself net almost no profit I am now feeling somewhat reassured that no matter what, come this year, I would be absolutely fucked.

Job #1: Pay off student loans by December 2009.

Job #2: Pray.

Job #3: Start saving money for my retirement under my mattress or in my flour jar; somewhere it is safe from molestation.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Postzilla- I just write it, you sort it out.

1. Ok, Fringe, I grudgingly like you. But I will drop you the second I am slightly less interested. Joshua Jackson, you are not a very good actor; and testing my endurance greatly (and yet, you are mysteriously kind of sexy- how do you do this, are you magic?). IQ of 190 (oft repeated), I’m thinking those numbers are in the wrong order.

I’ve heard a lot of people complain that it is going to be freak of the week X-Files sans David Duchovny; I ask, what about that doesn't sound good. Monsters without Duchovny's sucking petulance, the abortive non-romance, and the overarching conspiracy theories poorly connected to culminate in 'yes, what you thought about your sister for the entire series was right [and boring].'

In related news, I think I have to learn how to use the time tape feature on my VCR. Yes, I own a VCR still. Now that we are watching Fringe we are Tivo-ing two things Monday at 9 and that bumps Big Bang Theory right off the Tivo. (Hey, TV stations, try showing all the good shows spread out rather than between 8 and 10 on Mondays. KTHX)

2. The number of threats of burning down my office have significantly dropped off, which I think signals that my staycation is working nicely. I have made serious headway in all of my projects and that is very exciting.

3. Yesterday I went to the DOL to get my enhanced driver’s license (which will allow me to cross the Canadian border without additional paperwork) and it was quite the riggamaroll. The guy who interviewed me had the strongest (just guessing Turkish?) accent and I think he was hitting on me. It is hard to say because I only caught 50% of his heavily accented mumblings.


Maybe Turkish Homeland Security Clearance Guy: Blardy Blardy Blar Canada often?

Q: pause… Yes, between 4 and 7 times a year for the last 6 years.

MTHSCG: Blardy Blar visiting your boyfriend?

Q: pause… My mother.

Yea, because I’ve been dating some joker for 6 years and I see him quarterly. Hmmmmm… actually that seems somewhat appealing and realistic to situations in my life. Perhaps this is more troubling than I had initially thought.

Also, he asked me questions I did not know the answers to such as:

Where was your father born?

How do you spell Fort Ord?

He seemed kind of appalled that I knew so little about my father; for example when I had to look up his birthday in my Palm. I think that Mumbles von Accent needs to lay of the judging.

4. I am super broke right now due to my own over-eagerness to pay off my credit card completely next month and I am resentful that I am so obsessed with paying off my debts. (Although I did shop more than I ought to have this month according to my crazy budget, and it was a really heavy gift month with numerous birthdays, babies, and weddings.)

5. (This is much longer than I expected, maybe I missed blogging.) Is anyone else excited about ABC’s Castle (to come out midseason 2009)? It stars Nathan Fillion as a mystery writer who helps the police solve crimes. You guys, it is like Murder She Wrote, but with Nathan Fillion. Now all this show needs is Tom Selleck and I would join the fan club.

Friday, September 19, 2008

Where is my delicious Tom Selleck [cake]?

Has everyone seen this yet? If not, feast your eyes upon the delight which is Tom Selleck in cake form:

Very nice, Alicia of alicia policia.

In addition to making me aware that all of my previous cake eating experiences have been sub-par, Alicia also pointed out that Tom Selleck is no stranger to life in cake form. Unfortunately the Tom Selleck cakes linked previously sound... revolting.

In other cake news: where is my Han Solo encased in carbonite cake?

And do not even get me started on Dalek cakes.

Is anyone else here feeling a little hungry?

Friday, September 12, 2008

It's ok, you see, I've come up with a new new plan.

This is how everything will be alright. Things have not been alright lately. I am drowning in bad feelings, work, inexplicable loneliness, exhaustion, frustration, and a disorganized life that I feel like I do not own.

Hence the blog-hiatus. I don't want to have a blog where I write beautiful entries about my difficult and beautiful life, and my sad but hopeful feelings. That is not who I am. I make plans. And watch movies about aliens where things blow up. And worry about high fructose corn syrup. And floss EVERY DAY.

I do not worry about my relationship with my father. I do not worry about my map in life. There is a stranger attempting to helm my blog (and maybe my life) and I do not like them or their feelings oriented ways.

Last week I came up with an ingenious plan to spend 3 nights a week at home every week till Christmas.

This week I realize that this is not a strong enough measure. I am in a funk bog thick as jell-o jigglers. Having time to paint my toenails and do my laundry (but not at the same time) is not going to solve this problem.

I need a vacation. So I will be taking one. Here, at home. Through October 15, you may consider me on vacation on the tropical island of Mountlake Terrace.

I plan to mostly stay home. Mostly nap and read. Mostly tend to my garden. I want to use my kitchen aid to make delicious food. Clean the garage. Get some order and discipline. Finish up the work project with a looming October 15 due date. Smell the daisies. Have my cake and eat it too.

Then, butterfly-like, I shall emerge on the 16th, tidied and relaxed. And I will not have to kill anyone.


So, my blog may or may not be somewhat sparse for the next month. I will update when I feel like it. And not update when I don't. I will probably not make a lot of plans to go out. But if you want to come visit me on my island, let me know.

It is always sunny in Mountlake Terrace. Where the women make cookies, the men kill spiders, and the children play in the M'n F'n street even when you yell at them. Every day.