Monday, January 08, 2007

Bad Movie Marathon Roundup

My uncle and I decided that in my aunt’s absence we would lay around and eat brownies and watch movies all weekend. So without further ado, how to waste your life without really trying:

I brought:
Inspector Lynley (Episode 2)
The Earl of Whatsis and his lower-class partner investigate a murder in an upper crust boy’s school. 4 out of 5 monkeys.

Riding Giants
A surf documentary focused on big wave surfing. It was just a bit too long, but quite diverting. Some of the footage was spectacular. 4 monkeys.

He brought:
A Night at the Opera
The Marx Brothers try to foster the love of two young opera stars. The movie totally rocked, except for the opera part…. 5 monkeys for comedy that holds up to the test of time.

We rented the following films from Scarecrow. When we told the Scarecrow guy that we were having a Bad Movie Marathon he got all bent out of shape and told us that these movies are all great, even that Japanese one by some director he wasn’t into. Blah blah blah. Ah, a UW film studies major. I couldn't even make up a more useless person for me to dislike.

The Descent
Spelunking ladies encounter subterranean monsters. 2 monkeys for ripping off the Gollum and involving painfully girly back stories.

The Spear of Longinus
Vampires + Japanese pop-stars in a militaristic mini-drama. It was seriously 35 minutes long. 1 monkey for getting me all excited about a movie and then ending it a quarter of the way into the story. In a side note, I got to say Longinus- like 6 times now. Longinus. Ha!

Dark Waters
Evil nuns guard a demon or something. .25 monkeys, since we got bored mid-way through and quit.

Event Horizon
Space marines attempt to rescue the crew of a mysterious ship. +4 monkeys for really engaging me in the first half of the movie. -2 monkeys for completely unraveling to a gory tedious mess. It’s like the writers wrote the first half and then completely forgot where they were going with it, but didn’t have time to screw around with it, so they just smashed together some effects scenes and said “taaaadaaaaa!”

The Eye
Hong Kong horror movie about possessed eye-balls which give the errr… wearer the ability to see ghosts. 4 monkeys.

High Tension
French slasher film. Two college friends return to rural France on holiday… slashing ensues. In a side note, I was totally able to predict the ubiquitous dirty French masturbation scene. 3.5 monkeys for the movie. 5 monkeys for my amazing prognostication skills.

In future film news, Pan’s Labyrinth is supposed to be out in Seattle on Friday the 19th. I am very excited to see it. You can watch the trailer here.

4 comments:

cymberleah said...

Mmmm, I want to see that one. It's looks dark, intriguing, and is posessed of much set eye-candy.

PalinDrome said...

I am also excited about Pan's Labyrinth. The stuff they had at the San Diego ComiCon looked amazing. And after reading blurb after blurb about how amazing this flick is, I have changed my mind am now wanting to see Children of Men (92% Fresh). I don't really know much about the movie except that Julianne Moore just creeps me out.

qtilla said...

Julianne Moore creeps everyone out, don't be a pussy.
Children of Men and Pan's Labyrinth are my next two movie theater goals.
I predict that I will spend portions of Pan's Labyrinth peeking from between my fingers and squeaking. But I think that this would surprise no one.

PalinDrome said...

It's not like she creeps me out like say spider webs across the doorway in an old abandoned house, It is more like watching a DVD on a Widescreen TV in Justified Mode. On the surface everything looks OK, but your brain is just screaming something is WRONG!!! Maybe she is one of the aliens from They Live!