1. A piece of my car fell out of my car door yesterday. Can cars have leprosy? Also is it bad that I just shrugged and threw it in the back seat?
2. Yesterday I bit my lip tripping over either a root or my own feet. I guess all those dance lessons have paid off big time. Today I look like I have herpes. Let's make out! What, no?!?
3. I really need to buy a new phone. I am switching from Verizon to ATT, and have no idea what to purchase. I have done research and I (1) am still completely unable to pick a phone and (2) now feel like an idiot. I have about two weeks to evolve (side note: it took me TWO YEARS to learn predictive texting) and it appears that I need help.
My only two criteria thus far have been:
Do the buttons look like they will fall off and get stuck in my hair?
How much talk time/stand by time can I have?
The previous criteria of: (1) is it pretty and (2) could I accidentally inhale it have been discarded since the last time I purchased a phone. (Thank you RAZR, replaced TWICE while under warranty and a third time later in which I used some very threatening language with a high school kid at the Verizon in the Alderwood Mall, which has probably turned him against all women.)
4. I have still not responded to my father’s request to call the house. My photo essay idea feels increasingly immature/crazy and pathetic… although not as pathetic as hiding from my father…. This is how this conversation will go:
Step-mother whom I have never met and may be new, but details such as keeping track of my parents’ various spouses have never been high on my list of priorities, or “Marilyn”, as I expect she prefers to be called: Hello.
So that will go great. Options:
A. Fake own death.
B. Move to
C. Be a bad person and continue to leave my father and brother hanging like the countless victims of my “I don’t five” campaign against confusing aerial hand gestures.
D. Send the photo-essay that does not give much impression of who I am OR make a better one- either way risk seeming completely insane.
E. Man up and call. Then (1) find rock, (2) crawl under.
5. Today is one of those days at work where I am daydreaming of the private sector as my computer has crashed approximately five (trillion) times, my Outlook is on the fritz, and whatever the heating device “controls” the climate in my building is not working and I am typing this with batman-gloved fingers and a space heater under my desk on the space heater equivalent of ‘11’, coming dangerously close to setting my slacks on fire.