I like my men like I like my construction noise:

with sporatic, but well-planned drilling....

The following arrived at high-priority status in my office mailbox today:

Dear fellow building occupants,
Please be advised that between the hours of 8:00 AM and 11:00 AM tomorrow morning (Thursday 8/24/06), there will be sporadic, but well-planned drilling noises near the tech services portion of the building. That is the northwest corner of the building. These noises should be short in duration.
Thank you for your patience.

As a footnote: this guy is totally married and is above me on the pay scale. Unbe-fucking-lievable.

Qu'est-ce que c'est

Psycho killer raccoons terrorize Olympia

Tue Aug 22, 9:04 PM ET

OLYMPIA, Washington - A fierce group of raccoons has killed 10 cats, attacked a small dog and bitten at least one pet owner who had to get rabies shots, residents of Olympia say.

Some have taken to carrying pepper spray to ward off the masked marauders and the woman who was bitten now carries an iron pipe when she goes outside at night.

"It's a new breed," said Tamara Keeton, who with Kari Hall started a raccoon watch after an emotional neighborhood meeting drew 40 people. "They're urban raccoons, and they're not afraid."

Tony Benjamins, whose family lost two cats, said he got a big dog a German Shepherd-Rottweiler mix— to keep the raccoons away.

One goal of the patrol is to get residents to stop feeding raccoons and to keep pets and pet food indoors.

Lisann Rolle said she began carrying an iron pipe when she goes outside at night after being bitten by raccoons when she tried to pull three of them off her cat Lucy. She obtained rabies shots afterward as a precaution.

"I was watching her like a hawk, but she snuck out," Rolle said. "Then I heard this hideous sound — a coyote-type high pitch ... It was vicious. They were focused on ripping her apart."

The attacks have been especially shocking because raccoons came within five feet (1 1/2 meters) of cats without any problem in previous years, Benjamins said.

"We used to love the raccoons. They'd have their babies this time of year, and they were so cute. Even though we lived in the city, it was neat to have wildlife around," he said, "but this year, things changed. They went nuts."

In one case five raccoons tried to carry off a small dog, which managed to survive.

The attacks, all within a three-block area near the Garfield Nature Trail in Olympia, are highly unusual, said Sean O. Carrell, a problem wildlife coordinator with the state Department of Fish and Wildlife, adding that trappers may be summoned from the U.S.Department of Agriculture to remove problem animals.

"I've never heard a report of 10 cats being killed. It's something were going to have to monitor," Carrell said.

Meanwhile, residents have hired Tom Brown, a nuisance wildlife control operator from Rochester, Washington, to set traps, but in six weeks he has caught only one raccoon. He and Carrell said raccoons teach their young— and each other to avoid traps.

Brown said he had seen packs of raccoons this big but none so into killing.

"They are in command up there," he said.

Comic Book Pajama Party

Oh Netflix, you cock-tease.

Meet eight beautiful, intelligent and fun young women who also happen to be huge comic book fans. Gathering together one evening to talk about the comic books they love -- and hate -- these gals lounge, eat chocolate, guzzle wine and give you the low-down on manga, anime, Neil Gaiman, Marvel and DC, the universe in general and men in particular. Be a fly on the wall as these smart, savvy and outspoken chicks dish about more than just pop culture.

Yes, that's right. PG-13 wannabe soft-porn for fan boys.

Note the disgruntled customer reviews:

Comic Book Pajama Party offers a great premise; namely, girls in pajamas waxing poetic about your favorite comic books. Unfortch, the girls that are in it are completely ill-informed about everything, ranging from the plots and characters down to the very definition of what makes a comic a comic. They spend more than twenty minutes talking about anime, and even then, their conversation is trite and unentertaining. Even the attempt at titillation, a Twister game, comes off as half-hearted and lame. All in all, don't waste your time. This demands a remake.
***************************
These are women who sit around talking about comic books, like the description says. There are only two women who are even moderately attractive. This film would be rated G if it were not for the use of the F word once or twice (Maybe). They don't reveal anything new about comic books, or anime, which they spend a lot of time talking about. They are not smart and savvy as the description says. As a comic book fan, I think this was incredibly boring. I would rather watch the scene in "Stand By Me" when they talk about who can beat who up, Superman, Hulk, etc. Better comic book films are Comic Book Villains and Unbreakable. THIS is not a fanboy movie. Skip this, for your own sake.

So you heard it hear at the Conspiracy first: Unbreakable was a better movie than Comic Book Pajama Party. (In spite of the fact that Unbreakable didn't have a twister scene- something that could have really made a difference in the Oscar race.)

I should also mention that my former roommate Mebbie is in town for the week and we plan to spend lots of time in pajamas reading comics, and even talking about them. You could even call it a party if that is what it takes. RAWWWWWR boys, RAAAWWWWWR.

good bye

Robert Baron, 1944-2006: Listeners sought out Madman Moskowitz

By BILL VIRGIN P-I REPORTER

Robert Baron, better known to radio listeners in the region as Madman Moskowitz, died Friday after a brief illness. He was 61.

For more than two decades the self-proclaimed "maniacal maestro of malodorous melodies" entertained audiences with a radio program on which he played comedy routines, musical satire, novelty tunes and songs that were intentionally or unintentionally funny, along with classic country tunes from what he called his "nostalgia bin."

Over the years his show aired on just about every country station in the market, many of them now gone. Most recently "Music With Moskowitz" aired at noon Saturdays on Everett community station KSER-FM (90.7).

In his day job Baron was a middle-school teacher in the Edmonds School District. He retired at the end of the most recent school term after 35 years teaching here and in Los Angeles.

"He was a tremendous asset to the station," said Ed Bremer, the former manager and now news and public affairs director at KSER. "His was one of our most popular shows. He just made Saturday afternoons fun. He enjoyed coming in and doing his show, and we enjoyed having him."

A native of Pasadena, Calif., Baron got an early start in entertainment as an extra in such films as "Rebel Without a Cause." His radio career started in earnest in this region in the mid-1970s at KRAB-FM, but he had stints at KMPS-FM, KRPM-FM, KKBY-FM and KYCW-AM. The Moskowitz name came from an artist's signature on a poster of a rabbit.

Continual shifts in station formats forced Baron repeatedly to seek new homes for his show. It was an effort his listeners appreciated. "People were always seeking out his show" and were constantly calling to find where they could hear it, said Becky Brenner, the program director at KMPS-FM, who worked with Baron.

In the mid-1990s "Music With Moskowitz" was the No. 1- rated program among listeners 25-to-54 in its Sunday evening slot on KRPM-FM, said Nathan Judson, who as "Nathan Detroit" served as Moskowitz's on-air sidekick and took listeners' calls.

The phone calls for song requests and votes for the show's top song mattered greatly to Baron, Judson said. "Their feedback was critical to Robert," he said. "He felt that to be disconnected from your audience is the worst thing you can do."

Baron's show was virtually the only on-air outlet for the works of legendary musical comedians such as Tom Lehrer, Stan Freberg, Allan Sherman, Spike Jones and Weird Al Yankovic. But his show also featured many local comedy songs that would otherwise have had no airing, from Stan Boreson to "Godzilla Ate Tukwila" and "The Aroma of Tacoma." All were drawn from a huge personal library of 50,000 records, 2,000 reels of tape and 2,000 CDs, all of which he referred to as his "little flat friends."

"He was just so dedicated to making sure there was an outlet for that music," Brenner said, adding that Baron did extensive research on the material "to have great stories to tell" about what he was playing.

"I just loved his passion for everything that was wacky and crazy" in music, she said.

Services will be at 10:30 a.m. Aug. 26 at Blessed Sacrament Church in Seattle. Judson and Catherine Sinclair, Baron's longtime close friend, plan a tribute on today's show at noon at KSER.

KSER's Moskowitz dies at 61

DJ Robert Baron gave offbeat music a home on the dial

By Scott Pesznecker Herald Writer

EVERETT - Robert Baron, known by many in the region as radio host Madman Moskowitz, died Friday after a sudden illness. He was 61.

Baron, who lived in Seattle's Magnolia neighborhood, entertained listeners with his shows for more than two decades. His most recent show, "Music with Moskowitz," aired from noon to 2 p.m. Saturdays on Everett public radio station KSER (90.7 FM).

His show featured a mix of comedy routines, musical parodies and songs that were "unintentionally funny," said Nathan Judson, who produced Baron's radio shows and assisted him on the air as "Nathan Detroit."

On Wednesday, Baron met with Judson at the radio station in Everett and asked him to handle Saturday's show. He was admitted into the hospital later that day.

Judson made good on his promise. Saturday's show became a tribute to Madman Moskowitz, he said.

"He will be sorely missed," Judson said. "His greatest strength was his commitment to his listeners. His show was all about them; it wasn't just something he wanted to do. It was really connected."

When Baron wasn't in the radio booth, he was often in the classroom. Baron recently retired after teaching math, journalism and English for more than 25 years at Alderwood Middle School.

"He was such a giving person," Judson said. "It was his way of trying to give the world more than he took."

Baron, who was from Pasadena, Calif., got his start in show business at a young age.

He was 10 years old when he appeared in the classic 1954 Christmas movie "White Christmas," the last child on the right listening to Bing Crosby sing near the end of the film.

His mother was a Ziegfeld Follies dancer, and he loved show tunes.

Baron carried his eclectic taste for entertainment with him to the radio booth, coworkers said.

"He was a nice guy," said Van Ramsey, who is the host of "Pull the String" on KSER. "He had a great sense of humor, and he was a fun guy to work with."

The station will air "best-of" moments of Moskowitz's shows during its next two Saturday slots, station manager Bruce Wirth said.

"He's pretty irreplaceable," he said. "It's kind of hard to imagine continuing on. He was a great asset to the station."

I feel petty, oh so petty!

So I wasn’t going to blog this because I didn’t want to appear petty, but as it turns out I totally am petty so here we go.

My mother came down from Canada and unexpectedly decided to stay with me in my tiny tiny apartment. I crashed at a friend’s place on the other side of my complex and when I arrived back at my tiny tiny apartment, my mother had rampaged through my tiny tiny monkey themed bathroom and left it a giant giant mess.

When I stared at her sputtering she explained that she needed Q-tips and rather than looking in the cabinet above the sink she decided to ransack a plastic tub that I keep for the things I rarely ever use. By ransack I mean dump on the floor and then scoop back in with limited success. Now there is yellow fuzz in there from my bathmat and the box of Q-tips she found she ripped open and left UPSIDE DOWN in the tub. The tub used to be organized with everything in its proper place. Now it looks like a sanitary napkin salad with Q-tip croutons.

She also apparently rifled through my books, my comic books and my desk.

So, Mother, let me make this clear: if you rummaged through my bed stand and found anything traumatizing, well, it serves you right.

As a final note, the trip actually went really well and I wish I could see Mother just a little bit more, but it is this kind of Bridget Jones’ Diary variety of hijinks that Mother always undertakes that makes me all twitchy and German School Mistress-y.

I defy you to tell me not to go see this:

TMNT

Oh George Allen, You're Going Down, Bitch.

The Republican Senator from Virgina has stepped in it again. First the confederate flag scandal, now the Macaque scandal (note: this is the second macaque reference in this blog). Apparently his opponent, James Webb, sent one of his staffers, SR Sidarth (an native Virginian of Indian-American descent) over to videotape Allen's campaign event.

Allen said:
"Let's give a welcome to macaca, here. Welcome to America and the real world of Virginia."

Allen said this on video. The video his opponent was making. What a moron. Webb couldn't have planned anything better than this. At least now the party knows that he is not their guy for the next presidential election.

Interestingly, Daily Kos is reporting that in spite of Allen's claims to not know what Macaque means, he is an excellent French speaker and in fact his mother is an Afrikaner who speaks fluent French. So there is no chance in hell that a rich white guy in Virginia isn’t aware that calling a dark skinned man a monkey is a sign of, let’s just say disdain. And there is no chance that he doesn’t know that macaque means monkey.

Furthermore, just because you aren't white, doesn't mean you aren't an American, you asshole.

In parting, I don't want to speak too far out of turn, but Virginia isn't the real America, much less the real world. Certainly less so if he gets elected to any other political office.

Who's excited? I'm excited!

Depp to star in Burton's 'Sweeney Todd'

Wed Aug 16, 11:25 PM ET

LOS ANGELES -

Johnny Depp is going from woozy buccaneer to murderous barber.

Depp is reuniting with director Tim Burton ("Charlie and the Chocolate Factory") to play the title role in a film adaptation of Stephen Sondheim's musical "Sweeney Todd," about a 19th-century barber seeking bloody revenge over his wrongful imprisonment.

The star of "Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest," this year's biggest hit with a domestic gross of $400 million, is expected to do his own singing, said Marvin Levy, spokesman for DreamWorks, which is co-producing "Sweeney Todd" with Warner Bros.

"Sweeney Todd" marks the sixth collaboration between Depp and Burton, who scored a blockbuster in summer 2005 with "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory," in which the actor played the reclusive candyman Willy Wonka.

Their other films together are "Tim Burton's Corpse Bride," "Edward Scissorhands," "Ed Wood" and "Sleepy Hollow."

The filmmakers plan to start shooting "Sweeney Todd" early in 2007.

Sweeney Todd is one of my favorite musicals. It reminds me of one of my fantastic family stories.
So when my family came from Ireland, they settled back East and one night my many greats great uncle went to the pub and never returned. It seems that this was an unsurprising event, as he was so well loved.... Years later they tore the pub down to build a new run for the train and the pub had some bones buried in the basement. Apparently he had got uppity and the owners off'd him and fed him to their pigs. Likely then the pigs were used to feed the other bar flies.

Now that is the circle of life.

I’ve got the world on a string….

So why is gravity such a week force, you ask. Well you smarty, string theorists believe that there may be a few kinds of strings: stings like rubber bands, strings that are attached at both ends to something else (like a slinky), and strings that are like donuts made of silly putty. Now imagine the putty donut is run over by a steam roller. It’s still a donut, but it’s flat and doesn’t really have a hole. The putty-donut is actually called a membrane or as dorks call it, a brane.

String theorists think that our universe is on a brane. If you can picture a whole bunch of branes all clustered together, like sliced bread, you can imagine that the big bang occurred when whamo! two pieces of bread bumped. This also explains gravity’s weakness… kinda.

Imagine that gravity is a rubber band style string and that electromagnetism is a string attached at both ends to a brane. The rubberband string of gravity would be free to float off- off into other slices of bread, I mean branes. Perhaps where gravity comes from is farther away (the end butt of the bread for example) and thus we have less of it by the time it reaches our slice.

So far, this is all I can figure out about String Theory. Some parts of me wish that it could be true. All the Star Trekian wonders that could arise from such a thing would be amazing. String Theory doesn’t solve for creation, however. If two branes smacked each other and the resulting force created and scattered our universe, where did the branes come from? Furthermore, if we are nothing but random miracles of science, then why is it wrong for me to kill my coworker? No, seriously, give me one good reason, because atheism is very appealing today.

Monica has all the luck

Last weekend the ‘rents were in town visiting and Mother and I decided to hit downtown for cocktails and we invited Monica to join us.

I was picking an outfit when Monica burst in all a-flutter. As Monica was getting out of her car she had been approached by a neighbor of hers. He said, “Hi, you live down the hall from me, right?” And she said she did. Then he asked if she was seeing anyone.

She said “no.”

Oh Monica, you amateur.

He then said, and I am not shitting you, “Would you like to come over and see my sword collection?”

For some reason Monica said no.

At that point she decided to head straight to my apartment. As she walked past the stairs the Sword Guy said, “You’re not going to Dan’s (our apartment manager) are you? Because that wouldn’t be good for anyone.”

She responded that she was headed for a friend’s apartment and skittered off in sheer terror.

She then spent the next 4 hours fussing over whether she should be nervous and whether her door locks are sturdy enough. I mentioned to her that men who want make outs are hardly attack you with swords. Neither are attackers likely to tell you about their sword collections. It also isn’t against the law or his lease to hit on other folks in the building (thank God!).

Honestly, I feel really bad for this guy. Obviously he had no idea how creepy his invitation sounded. I mean clearly he likes swords, so why would he think that is a weird question? It probably took him a long time to get the nerve to ask her and now he will likely continue to cower in his apartment ogling the House of Cutlery Catalogue for another sexless 40 years.

Hell, I’ll give him some credit for reworking the come up to my apartment to look at whatever line. I’ve never heard “sword collection” before. Furthermore, at least he actually owns swords. The last time I was invited to view a sword it was nestled in trousers.

Hey Losers,

Don't forget to register to vote!
Especially if you have moved.
Voting is important!
Vote absentee- It is number 8 on the form! Yay!

Hoedown

Below is a hilarious excerpt from article on how Paris Hilton had to go to the hospital when her pet kinkajou, Baby Luv, attacked her (again). Kinkajous are apparently illegal to own very nearly everywhere because they have the tendency to attack and carry a bacteria in their mouths that is apparently very nasty.


"On paper, however, Hilton and Baby Luv look like a perfect match. They're both nocturnal, they aggregate near good food sources and they tend to advertise or communicate their sexual status. However--according to Hilton--unlike the kinkajou, she is not promiscuous and isn't planning to mate anytime soon. "

Easy Like Sunday Mornin'

Yesterday someone invited me out to a tapas bar and I thought they said topless bar.

This Freudian error brought me around to the following thought:

Am I a hu-or? Well, this comes up because a work acquaintance of mine always comes over to share his lurid tales of getting tail. Minutes fly by as he details goals, strategies, etc.... At least I've stopped him from giving me the blow by blow (pun completely intended).
Now there is another young lady our age in the office, and he talks to her about baseball, not his balls and various orifices, but baseball, not bases to which he gets on ludicrously trashy bar chicks, but regular old baseball.
Why, I ask you, do I have to hear about him sliding into home and she only has to hear about last night's game?
I think he is trying to talk shop, she appears to like baseball and apparently I appear to like teabagging.
So now I have to ask myself, "Do I come off as a slut?" Because I'm not a slut-- worse yet, I fear I'm a prude. Lo, it has been many days since a man has been around. My bed is completely unchristened, so why do I have this unfortunate image?

I have no idea.

I am a mature, grown lady-type person.

Who watches adult oriented cartoons, reads adult oriented comics, and watches adult oriented puppet shows.

I'll never grow up.

Muppet creators go adult
By Paul Majendie
Thu Aug 10, 5:53 AM ET

EDINBURGH (Reuters) - The creators of The Muppets and Sesame Street are staging a rude and lewd puppet show that is strictly for adults only.

Even Miss Piggy would blush over the antics of "Jim Henson's Puppet Improv" that is spearheading a renaissance of puppet shows for grown-ups.

At this year's Edinburgh Fringe arts festival, there are more puppet shows listed for adults than for children.

"That really pleases me," said the late Jim Henson's son Brian, director of the Muppet Christmas and Treasure Island movies now reveling in the freedom of performing for adults only.

Every afternoon at the Fringe, his anarchic troupe of puppeteers do an improvisational show for kids. Every evening the air turns blue for the show that takes off into surreal flights of fancy dictated by the audience.

"It is lovely to do a show where you can go wherever your brain takes you," said Henson, winding down after a show in which the audience asked the puppeteers to play half a dozen hot dog puppets auditioning to be Ricky Martin's backup singers.

But would father have approved?

"I think he would have loved it because of how outrageous I get. My Dad really believed in community and sweetness but the other side of him was incredibly naughty.

"He always said the only reason we did this was those moments where it is like laughing in church. It becomes so infectious you cannot stop laughing."

Henson, who first performed the improvisation show in Aspen and Hollywood, would like to develop it into a TV show. Two other projects he is working on are also just for adults.

"There is something really therapeutic for us about this adult improv," he said.

Henson hailed the renaissance of puppets for grown-ups, applauding the success on stage in New York and London of "Avenue Q" and the hit movie "Team America:World Police" which satirises President George W. Bush's "war on terror."

"Avenue Q was very, very clever. They are specifically parodying Sesame Street with an adult twist. Team America is a more unique choice as they decided to do it with marionettes."

Hyundai Puppet Theatre, South Korea's answer to Henson, has also won acclaim at the Edinburgh Fringe with its production of "Puppet City."

So does Henson feel puppeteers around the world are trying to redress the balance so adults get a look in?

"Yes, absolutely," he said.

"The Americans are more action-oriented. They want to see the puppets beating each other up. British audiences are more intellectual. They like to see it sick and twisted but in an intellectual way."

Of course they are obviously more intellectual-

Yea, I'll Take the Kitten with the Machete...

So last night a gentlemen was scheduled to come by to pick up my dining room table. I had posted it on Craigslist and in 15 minutes I received like 20 emails. After I made arrangements for "Tony" to come get my table I realized I would almost certainly be raped and murdered and left in the alley or possibly a ditch.
So I invited Steve over. Steve arrived well after Tony left, but upon reflection I realize that I had invited STEVE over to protect me.
Seriously, I just don't think well under pressure.

Darth Shower Runs Amok

Some time ago I had a dripping shower. As part of the Quiana Improvement Program (QIP) I am trying to reduce my environmental footprint, so I called right away to have it taken care of. Immediately, the plumber was dispatched to my apartment and after some riggamaroll I had a working shower. I also had a giant hole in the shower wall, handily covered in black garbage-bags and duct-tape ala Darth Vader. Due my ridiculously low blood pressure, I occasionally get woozy in the shower and I was very nervous about the giant hole et al. Furthermore, as I have somewhat frequent houseguests, I wasn’t thrilled that my shower had adopted the fetish look. After two months of weekly nagging (including several assurances that it would be completed on x date and a period of three weeks of time when I wasn’t staying in the apartment) my shower wall was finally patched.
It took me over an hour to get my bathroom back in order and my shower properly cleaned. I was now doubly sweaty having returned from walking the lake then furiously scrubbing. I stripped and turned the faucet on. As it reached optimal temperature I pulled the button that turns on the shower and the entire metal spout flew with great force to the opposing side of my shower and crashed into the wall. For a split second I stood there nude and confused as water sprayed willy-nilly.
Rapture. Even though it was fixed right away, I am just waiting for the third shoe to drop.

I wholeheartedly support exporting Lindsay Lohan to Iraq.

Lindsay Wants to Entertain Troops in Iraq
TUESDAY AUGUST 08, 2006 09:00AM EST

TUESDAY AUGUST 08, 2006 10:55AM EST UPDATED

By Stephen M. Silverman

Lindsay Lohan wants visit the troops in Iraq – accompanied by New York Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton.

"I've been trying to go to Iraq with Hillary Clinton for so long," Lohan, 20, tells Elle magazine in its September issue, after she was asked if she had any big plans for next year. "Hillary was trying to work it out, but it seemed too dangerous."

She continues, "I wanted to do what Marilyn Monroe did (during the Korean War), when she went and just set up a stage and did a concert for the troops all by herself. It's so amazing seeing that one woman just going somewhere, this beautiful sex kitten, who's basically a pinup, which is what I've always aspired to be."

(Might I add that MM was an icon- a symbol of her age. Lohan is a cautionary tale. The is nothing sex kitten-esque about coked up blow-jobs and anorexia.)

Even without Sen. Clinton, Lohan is confident she can handle an Iraq trip on her own. "I'm not afraid of going," she says. "My security guard is going to take me to a gun range when I get back to L.A., and I'm going to start taking shooting lessons."

On her desire to handle a gun, she says, "Yeah, I have a dark side. I watched all those videos on Charles Manson for a while."

Elsewhere in the Elle interview Lohan says she's never had plastic surgery ("I've never done anything") and isn't using cocaine ("I'm not. There you have it. It's not true").

But she does like to fool with the press – she was 40 minutes late to the Elle interview – and tell reporters "things that aren't true … just because it's fun." Then, too, she admits, when it comes to tabloid attention she "still sort of" loves it.

Oh sweet Lord, this girl is crazed. Traveling with Lohan is no doubt high on Clinton’s list of things to do as she ramps up for the primaries. Furthermore, LL is a personification of why militants are so eager to kill the infidels.

Giving Lindsay Lohan a gun is like giving a kitten a machete, one minute she’s rolling around on her back playing with string and the next she’s slurping up antifreeze from the garage floor.

Sneaky Geeky

Listen to this NPR story and if you can tell me why this is nerdy, you get a prize.

I got nuthin.

A neutron walks into a bar and says, "Hey, how much for a beer?" The bartender says, "For you, no charge."

God I am such a geek.

Update to Waiting with Bated Breath

So when same said pepper-spray owning close friend of mine and I ran out to her car to retrieve something from her trunk a bit ago during that horrible heatwave, guess what was in her trunk (still in the package). The car was undoubtedly at least 200 degrees....
Already #4 AND #5 of my predictions have been proven half true.

In which Q looks like a hoochie.

So apparently when I was repacking my bag to leave San Francisco I left a memento.

A pair of giant lacy striped memento.

Found by innocent Canadians.

In the guest bed.

In my defense I was trying to re-pack my suitcase on same said bed before 7 am (earlier than I get up on a work day- I might add) in order to make the train to Sacramento.
Now it just figures that the time I would pick to go visit my male friend is approximately 30 seconds after he gets New Girlfriend, and that I would make an innocent, but deviant appearing mistake. Further in my defense I only brought giant un-sexy garments because I was staying with a girlfriended fellow and my two teenaged cousins.

Now ultra awkwardly I get to pick up my Sonic Care and my giant stripy garment of shame from New Girlfriend.

Plantar facii-whatsis

So after many moons of untreated foot pain I have been diagnosed with Plantar Faciitis in my right foot only. This apparently happens when over time you develop small tears in your Plantar Fascia ligament.
Now I am being forced to wear ugly shoes, stretch my foot, not go bare-foot, ice my foot and use ibuprofen every day.
I think this will also cause obesity given that I am supposed to rest for a while and then not use my beloved paved track in order to use the much unbeloved and longer outside track at Green Lake.
Normally I would ignore medical advice, but my foot totally hurts. And after the hell that was my MRI, I have no intention of going back to the scary radiology office of doom.
Grumble snort. It just seems very unfair that my right foot is forcing my left foot to have to wear an ugly shoe.
Well I can catch up on the comics I've been missing. My increasing potbelly will support comics more securely and help me blend in at comic conventions.

The Dork Knight

So according to my dorkometer Heath Ledger’s casting as The Joker in 2008’s The Dark Knight is a big deal. As near as I can tell people are surprised that Ledger was cast due to the gay thing.
Comics have always been such a progressive form of media, so these fanboys seem quaintly small minded. Perhaps it is the issue of little boys who want to watch things blow up versus actual comic book fans.

Heath Ledger is a great actor and has the intensity to play the Joker.
Batman Begins made $481 million in profits. I think that casting Ledger was a good idea. I think a lot of people discounted him as a teenage heart-throb and now might be interested in seeing a cast of talented dramatic actors in a classic hero story (and also spandex).



Yet again, this is what Google Images gave me... so quit yer complain'n.

Arch-Nemesis rears ugly head. Twice

So in college there was this girl who I will call she-who-must-not-be-named, and she was a Jewish Princess (her phrase not mine) and was basically single white femaling my best friend. She was always there with her inexplicable possy of south asian women, making ridiculous comments and thrusting about the bedazzled contents of their designer t-shirts.
She may have been stealing my best friend’s life, but the thing that most bothered me about she-who-must-not-be-named, besides her brown-nosing, her snooty attititude, and her performative Jewishness, was her constant blathering about Alan Alda and Isreal.
I swear to God, every sentence was either “My uncle, Alan Alda…” or “This one time at our house in Isreal….” The bitch was crazy. CRAZY. She was bragging about a house in Isreal. Now don’t get me wrong, but I like my summer houses to be further from suicide bombers if at all possible. You know Nantucket, Rhode Island, anyplace not Israel. I always wondered if she was going for the “poor thing, trapped in a war zone and nobody but Alan Alda, star of the Emmy winning series MASH, understands the pain she feels as she fights for a greater understanding of her mysterious God.” Except the part where she only went to Seder when it was a combined Seder with Haverford, thus men were in attendance and was from a lovely neighborhood in Manhattan.
Having left Bryn Mawr, I thought I would be free of the her menace. But twice my week has been shattered with she-who-must-not-be-named-ness. Yesterday the indie bookstore that I frequent sent out their normal calendar. Blah blah blah famous author… blah blah local jazz trio… blah blah dorky science lecture (what I am interested in)… ALAN ALDA.
Alan Alda will be here on 9/17 to promote his new book Never Have Your Dog Stuffed. For this special event, receive two tickets to hear Alan Alda speak when you purchase your copy of the book. Tickets will be available when the book goes on sale September 14! There is no reserve seating. Tickets will secure your place in the signing line. Tickets available while supplies last.
I know that it is very sad that poor Alan Alda can’t go anyway without sharing the shame of his wife's sister’s child; but, if you had met this girl, you would understand.
And yesterday this abomination arrived in my work email:

Angela's little one has arrived!!

Hawkeye made his entrance into the world on Friday July, 28th at 10:46 am.

He weighed 9.5 lbs... Yikes!

I am told that he has dark hair with blue eyes. No pictures yet though =(

I am absolutely not shitting you. I have no idea why such intelligent, educated and generally awesome people have decided to punish an innocent baby. I think that somewhere out there she-who-must-not-be-named is twisting her mustache and cackling.

Bing Bang Shyamalama Ding Dong

Steve, Addy, and I went to see Lady in the Water at the historic Majestic Bay Theater in downtown Ballard last week.
I’ll admit we were a bit nervous. Reports from all fronts were not entirely… complimentary. However, true to my usual form, I can happily report: those idiots are… erm… idiots.

Lady in the Water was unique, visually interesting, and complexly allegorical, while retaining a simplicity that modern movies generally lack. The acting was believable and at some points quite moving. The message that everyone is unique and important in spite of their appearances was mixed throughout the film only to appear at the perfect moments.


Critics lambasted the film for Shyamalan casting himself in a Christ-like role. His acting was good and, in fact, his chemistry with the actress playing his sister was perfect. Sadly, I think that critics’ obsessions with analyzing Shyamalan got in the way of the entire theme of the movie: that even the seemingly least important person holds promise. Many people direct themselves in movies, and perhaps Shyamalan is a bit arrogant, but I don’t think that is a very unusual trait in actors or directors. He certainly did not cast himself in a staring role.












They also said the film was lazily created. I think people today have expectations for Shyamalan’s films, which do not match his vision. His famous twist endings may have become his downfall. True, I did know what would happen in Signs and The Village, but that didn’t make them bad movies. I was awfully sure that Meg Ryan wouldn’t encounter Tom Hanks in Sleepless in Seattle, only to find out that he was a gay serial killer outerspace tentacle monster. I enjoy the whimsy and creativity with which his movies are made. Furthermore, I felt that as I was making predictions about what would happen next in Lady of the Water, I was constantly being forced to revise them. I’m kind of tired of all these supermovies- so complicated and twisty. I worry that because we base so many movies on books, rather than plays, the movies become over-complex and are not easily understood. It wouldn’t be a far stretch to say we are likely over-stimulated with continuous high-pace romps and dozens of plot-twists. This was an extremely well-presented folk-tale with Aesopian overtones, unusual and a delight to see. I don’t need Lost, 24, and Alias all the time. I would rather have a good story, well done, than a hundred The Island-style movies.

The movie was visually stunning. I found the cinematography, lighting, costuming, color-choice, every piece, artful and intentional. The special effects were tasteful and well rendered.

One thing I adored in the movie was the mix of characters. Living in a building like this you have tons of different types of people. They reminded me of people that we lived near when I was young. They were funny, interesting, realistic, and better developed than most characters in movies today- in spite of being an ensemble cast. I also enjoyed seeing Six Feet Under’s Freddy Rodriguez (Frederico) in such a whimsical part. Paul Giamatti was amazing and Bryce Dallas Howard (whose name is apparently entirely constructed of unfortunate male first names) looked and acted ephemeral and every bit the fantasy creature.













The dialogue in Lady in the Water was very well-crafted, both planned but seemingly unplanned. The last line was excellent (in contrast to the last line of King Kong, which actually elicited groans from the audience).

Shyamalan was also criticized for his political commentary. I find it interesting that coming forward and saying that war is not necessarily the best thing has gained him poor scores from the very people who eat up the left-ist propaganda forwarded by blow-hards like Michael Moore (incidentally, I’m quite confused about why MM’s UofM degree makes him qualified to pretty much make up shit and call it fact and Shyamalan’s NYU degree does not entitle him to say that war is not a good thing). I think that saying that we humans are war-mongering and violent is certainly not the craziest thing I’ve heard today. If watching today’s news didn’t make you a little nervous then you need to get your head checked.

I guess my real point is that this movie had a distinctly character-driven kind of indie feel to it. If Shyamalan had made this before the Sixth Sense, he would be “the next big thing.”
If you are looking for a complex 6 course meal then this is not it. But if you are looking for the absolute best chicken pot pie you’ll ever taste, Lady in the Water is for you.





Ok, ok, there was one thing. The lingo. Narfs and Scrunts and Tartutics. This is supposed to be a Chinese bed-time story. Well, Narf (is what Pinky of “and the Brain” fame says), Scrunt (sounds like my two most used euphemisms for lady-bits blended together), and Tartutic (merely awkward) are in no way Chinese words- not even Chinese-esque words. Even if this is what the water-folk call things, the Chinese are not going to be walking around narfing their scunts… if you get my linguistic drift.

Oh dear.

Lindsay's Mom Strikes Back
By Sarah Hall
35 Minutes Ago

After her daughter received a scathing letter regarding her professionalism from the producer of her upcoming film, Dina Lohan struck back, calling the letter "way out of line."

In his missive, which was made public by the Smoking Gun Website, Morgan Creek Productions CEO James G. Robinson accused the younger Lohan of acting like a "spoiled child," blaming her various tardy arrivals and absences from the set of the upcoming picture Georgia Rule on her "ongoing all night heavy partying."

But Dina Lohan denounced Robinson's letter as "ridiculous."

"Maybe he has personal issues with whomever and it came out with my child," she told Access Hollywood in an interview scheduled to air Monday. "I don't know him. I can't judge him. I don't think it was a smart thing to do to a young girl."

The elder Lohan acknowledged that her daughter had been late to the set on occasion and admitted that production once had to be rescheduled to accommodate her lateness.

But she defended the 20-year-old actress' most recent absence from the set, which occurred after Lohan was treated at an area hospital for what her publicist described as a case of heat exhaustion.

"Lindsay was in 105 [degree weather] saying, 'Mommy, I feel sick; like I am going to faint.' She took herself to the hospital," Dina Lohan said. "She has asthma and in extreme cold or heat you can't breathe."

After receiving Robinson's letter last week, Lohan was back on the set the following day without incident, the film exec told the Hollywood Reporter.

"I'm just trying to get the movie made," Robinson said. "I did what I felt I needed to do on behalf of the movie and on behalf of her, too. I wanted to set some limits."

His letter warned that the film's producers would not "accept bogus excuses" for Lohan's behavior and would pursue "full monetary damages" against the actress if she failed to honor her commitment to the film.

"It was not a nasty letter. It was, 'Come on be a professional,'" Robinson said of his communication with the Mean Girls star. "We're halfway through with six weeks to go. There's no turning back. I wrote the letter; it was from me, not some damn attorney. She showed up. That's all I cared about."

It's not the first time Robinson has engaged in public battle with the star of one of his films. He previously scuffled with Sharon Stone over her refusal to appear nude in 1996's Diabolique.

But despite his harsh words in his letter to Lohan, Robinson said he had no personal problems with the actress

"I've never had a minute's trouble with her. She's every inch a lady," he added. "I felt I needed to remind her of her obligations to show up."

As for Dina Lohan, she feels that her daughter's hard work on the film will shine through in the end.

"She will win an Academy Award for this picture," the elder Lohan told Access Hollywood.













Now, I wasn't going to bring up Lindsay Lohan on this blog. But holy cow she was just the cutiest little thing in The Parent Trap. I own it and she was a terrifically talented little girl. Most recently I saw her in a prairie Home Companion- where she was not believable in any way.

Not to be an asshole but I wanted to put her mother's above comment on my blog to remind me to watch this movie and decide if, in addition to: not understanding asthma, not controlling her underage alcoholic child, not preventing her from sleeping with some of the world's most useless ass-clowns, being a moneygrubbing child user, and being utterly unaware of how young she doesn't look, she is also absolutely delusional about the level of her daughter's talent.
I won't bother throwing a picture of Lindsay onto my blog, if you need to see the Trailer Pudd'nthat she has become you can just check out wwtdd.

2 pm Snack Time Reminiscences

Today as I consume my 2 pm snack of yogurt I'm reminded of yogurts of the past. My friend Julie sent me home with a black bear hamster a few summers ago and I loved him. He never bit or peed on anyone and he was just a good little guy to cuddle. He got very ill at the end, and I was hand feeding him yogurt on his own little spoon to keep him going. He walked on a leash. He bit my ex's nipple. He was such a good friend.
Of course this is in contrast with my first hamster, Shnooky Slush-Bucket who hated everyone, constantly escaped, bit me, peed everywhere and lived- in spite of eating a fair amount of dishwasher detergent, aquarium sealant, and chewing through several cupboards- for like 4 years. Apparently his evil immortality did not extend as far as anti-digestive powers. Kit Edward Kat enjoyed a hearty brunch one Sunday, lucky little bastard. We buried what remained of Shnooky's remains in one of those cookie boxes for those cookies that were vanilla on one side and chocolate on the other (which I used to call Daddy Cookies) somewhere outside of Vegas.
I had another hamster as well, who tragically passed away of testicular cancer. It was very sad and also anatomically hilarious. I tipped the entire contents his bed-pod into a Puma box and wrapped it in an Abercrombie and Fitch bag and left him next to the clogged garbage chute. He was an ok hamster, he bit me twice, but he peed on Steve.

Spot the horrific detail below!

At swinging convention, sex is on everyone's mind
By Adam Tanner
Mon Jul 24, 8:37 AM ET

LAS VEGAS (Reuters) - Vera Rhodes has come a long way from her conservative upbringing in Pennsylvania's Amish community.

There she was a virgin until she married at age 30. Now, she is an enthusiastic 54-year-old member of the millions-strong "swinging" community who speaks openly of her encounters with multiple sexual partners.

"Last night it was really special," said Rhodes, who is divorced and makes a living giving massages in the Midwestern state of Iowa. "There was a couple from Mexico, a couple from Virginia and a couple from Ireland, from Australia."

"I like to participate in life as much as possible," she said with a broad smile.

Rhodes was among some 3,000 people gathered Saturday at the Stardust Hotel in Las Vegas for the annual Lifestyles conference, a five-day, $700-per-couple event that offers a mix of seminars, socializing and sex.

Early Saturday, Rhodes was back for more, joining the action in a suite where more than a dozen couples were having sex.

The conference organizer, Robert McGinley, 72, president of The Lifestyles Organization, estimates that there are 3 million swingers in the United States alone. He founded his group in 1969 and began holding the annual conferences in the 1970s.

He said his firm brings in millions of dollars in annual sales from organizing tours to swinger-friendly resorts, Internet sites and from conferences. The Las Vegas event is the largest annual U.S. swinging event, he said.

"The lifestyles community is rapidly expanding," he said. "It's an expanding economic powerhouse."

MOSTLY MIDDLE-AGED

The crowd at the Stardust appeared mostly middle-aged and middle-class. And many were nowhere near as active as Rhodes. Organizers estimated that perhaps 40 percent of the couples were attending their first conference.

"I'm still thinking about it; we've been monogamous for 26 years," said one middle-aged newcomer from Palm Springs, California, who said she was raised a Roman Catholic.

At one seminar, several women were overcome as the presenter demonstrated a sexual device -- one passed out in the packed room.

For all their enthusiasm, few of the swingers tell family and friends about their hobby.

"Socially, we're pariahs," said Drew Alexander, 40, who attended with this wife Tina, 38. "We're behaving in a way that's completely against the ingrained Catholic values."

Another couple did not want their names printed but were far from shy. They made love early Saturday in the hospitality suites where couples wandered from room to room to watch the action at close range. They emerged from their experience beaming, saying seeing others sparked more passion.

One attendee who stayed completely on the sidelines was the man behind the event.

"I've never been a big swinger, that's not the point," McGinley said. "What I would like to do is bring a new understanding of sexuality in our lives and our relationships."

Well, that’s four too many legs right there.

You may call me Quiana, Spider Toucher. That’s right, bitches. I totally touched a spider. Cathi had one on her shoulder and I swatted it off in one swift motion—ninja-style.
Now Cathi may assert that first I danced around deep breathing before darting in while squealing like a Swiss school-girl whapping blindly at her shoulder. You should not believe her. Particularly so if she tries to tell you that following the whapping I danced around in circles shaking my goose-bump covered extremities, whilst yowling “bleh bleh bleh!”
Cathi is shifty and may also be suffering from Post-traumatic Stress Syndrome, thus her recollection of the event may be screwy.

aaaaaawkwaaaaaaard

Last night Cathi called me up and asked if I wanted to walk the lake. Monica was a heat-wave refugee in my apartment and decided to come too. Just as we were starting out I noticed my ex and some chick (a girl from church I would guess) on a date. They were perched shyly and awkwardly on the bench watching the sun set. Cathi and my ex are buddies so we had to go over and say “hi”. It was definitely a first date (he was wearing basically what he wore on our first date) and he introduced me as a “coworker.” (Which is fine and dandy if one is in the habit of having sex with one’s coworkers.) Anyway, she looked exactly like me aside from a doe-eyed dewy innocence and a few inches of height.
Anyway, it was a wee bit uncomfortable and I hope for his sake he didn’t whip out the ex-card right away. In the beginning I think vagueness is a winning trait. I felt kind of bad for him- the ex-sighting on a first date is kinda crappy. Oh well. He did bring her on a repeat date of ours to the lake ACROSS THE STREET FROM MY HOUSE.

I left my Sonic Care in San Francisco

San Francisco was great. Jim and I had a lovely time wandering about, grazing like bovines, riding stone cats, and
mocking strangers. We seriously had three desserts a day including my sacred cream puffs. All in all, good times. Except that I forgot my toothbrush. I think you guys all know traumatizing that can be.






















From San Francisco I traveled to the outskirts of Sacramento where I divided myself between the family ranches. My cousin Laurie made an interesting offer that she would help establish me in the mortgage business if I wanted to move down there. She would also give me the guest suite of the house and in exchange I would 1. not be a fuck up and 2. ride their horses. If it hadn’t been you know, 108 degrees down there I might consider it. It was so hot that her light tan leather interior (of her Lexus hard-top convertible- soooooo cheeky) had to be covered with blankets after my cousin received serious burns (red swollen thighs- yay!) from sitting on it with her bare skin.
From Sacramento we traveled to the Oregon coast where I looked for beach glass (to use in jewelry making) and spied on sea lions. It was really hot so we decided to head for home and about 4 hours out of Seattle we had a deflating tire. We stopped to buy a new tire and in the 104 degree weather, my uncle crawled under the truck and spliced wires together, fixing the trailer’s running lights so that we could drive in the rapidly approaching dark. Finally we arrived in Federal Way to find that they had closed 3 lanes of traffic on I-5. Fun fun fun. Then after they opened, they closed in downtown Seattle again. Excitedly we got into the Express Lane exit lane only to have it roll to closed as we watched.
Eventually we did get home… to find that it was 75 degrees at midnight. Oh well. The trip was really fun anyway.
(pictures to come later)

24120 seconds

So when I said I had “plenty of time to take a fast train” I should have said, “plenty of time to take a train that will arrive more or less at my destination on time.”
The train trip was, as expected, beautiful and scenic. I was fascinated by the poverty, graffiti, and the beauty and power of nature. Even Tacoma was beautiful from the train. I felt detached as I watched from such a great speeds and height. If I had been in my car I would have never noticed all the interesting things, as I would have been distracted by sights that would have unnerved me. The most wonderful thing was gazing down into clear green waters and waving to children on the shore. I wish I had poetry to describe it. It was almost like being in a time machine. I could picture the same dirty faced, impovershed children waving to the train in short pants and leather soled shoes.
I thought a lot about children on the ride. In the rows ahead of me were 4 children, ages 18-8. They were somehow related, half-siblings, all from different mothers, returning from a trip to see their grandmother in Port Angeles. Many topics came up: drug use (theirs and their mothers’), sex, and a number of things that made me feel that these kids would live and die in their tiny Californian desert town and never recognize their potential, and never miss it. It was profoundly depressing. The 13 year old girl looked 19 and had already learned to manipulate men with her body. She was having sex, doing drugs, and smoking (possibly simultaneously— tho not on the train). The eldest, a boy, seemed to be protective and loving, but simultaneously angry and violent. He was a K-Fed wannabe. The other older girl was rather unremarkable. The youngest girl was making sex and pot jokes. She was forward, reckless and sexually aggressive. And she was 8. I plugged my ears with my IPOD and hoped that I could drown them out with indie music and hair rock. I couldn’t though. It was impossible. I wanted to shake them and tell them to quit fucking up their lives. I wanted to yell at them. I wanted to tell those little red-neck white-trash Von Trap Family Singers where they were going. Madame Quiana predicts the future. I see Welfare and angry children. I see Dautsons and dirt roads to a hand-me-down double-wide with satellite porn. I see Grease Monkey and 7-11 and Wal-Mart.
But I didn’t say anything, because I’m a coward.
I met a bunch of very nice people on the train. An elderly couple traveling to California from their home in Minnesota to visit their grown son. A retired CPS worker who teared up overhearing the conversations ahead of us. A sarcastic Japanese exchange student with progressive political views and a penchant for sudoku.
I had plenty of time to make friends what with the train running over six and a half hours late. I won’t bore you with the lousy unfriendly service, rude conductors, and other similar details. To be succinct, the only way I would ride a long distance on Amtrak is if I was retired and could afford a sleeper.
I’m kind of sad I took the train because it wasted my first day in San Francisco, but I had an experience on the train that could never have been replicated in a plane.

Don't be too Hasty

So I may have just said we should burn Detroit to the ground and let nature reclaim it... but I suppose I can use God's standard.

Homeless man finds best reward is honesty

Updated: 6:45 a.m. PT July 25, 2006
DETROIT - A homeless man who returned $21,000 worth of saving bonds he found in a trash bin is finding out how much honesty can pay off.

Charles Moore, 59, had been searching for returnable bottles last week when he came across the 31 U.S. savings bonds. He turned them in to a homeless shelter, where a staff member tracked down the family of the man who had owned them.

For his good deed, the bond owner’s son gave Moore $100, but residents around Michigan and in other states decided his action merited a more generous reward.

So far, Moore has received over $4,000.

One man sent him eight trash bags full of returnable bottles and a bowl of coins. Three others gave a combined $2,500, and two businessmen from Troy donated $1,200, a shopping spree and a lead on a job.

“I was thankful for it,” said Moore, who had lost his roofing job in Ohio and moved back to Michigan but couldn’t find work.

Moore said he plans to use the money to find an apartment.

David C. Smith, of Albuquerque, N.M., gave Moore $1,000. Smith said he and his fiancée wouldn’t have thought twice about what to do if the bonds had belonged to them.

“We would have given him the whole amount, period,” Smith said. “No questions asked.”

Plenty of time to take a fast train.

This will be my last blog entry before my super-exciting train excursion.
Tomorrow morning I will catch the Coast Starlight. No planes for me. We're talking panoramic views, no turbulence, no taking of my shoes and being searched, espresso, dining car, cushy seats, lounge, no swollen feet, room to move. Ye-ah.















I will ride the Starlight to Sacramento, where I will hop a commuter train to San Francisco.
This is a train trip I have been looking forward to for some time. My family has been a rail family for quite some time. I've taken many short trips up and down the East coast, but this will be my first trip of any distance. Hopefully the first of many.















I am visiting my friend Jim in San Francisco for two days, then I will move on to Sacramento to visit relatives on their ranch. Yeeeeeeeeehaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
My uncle and cousins who are a long road trip will be meeting up with me there and we plan to visit the Trees of Mystery and Crater Lake on our way home in the C.O.W.
I will return to Seattle on the 23rd and if I can remember to actually take pictures I will post them when I return.
Oh and pencil in my birthday party for the first weekend in August. I am taking party suggestions.

Muppet News

Brian Henson on new Dark Crystal and Fraggle Rock films

Henson reveals that "The Power of the Dark Crystal" is on schedule while work continues on the development of a Fraggle Rock theatrical film

Courtesy of Now Playing Magazine
May 3, 2006

Henson Company co-CEO Brian Henson got on the phone with Now Playing recently to promote the DVD release of the first two seasons of the animatronic sitcom Dinosaurs. And it didn’t take long for him to begin spilling secrets about his upcoming projects. First up is the “Battleground” episode of Stephen King’s Nightmares and Dreamscapes for TNT.

A Henson doing Stephen King? What gives? “Well, I’ve always wanted to do something not for kids and I basically got to really exercise that on Farscape,” Henson says. “So Farscape was my big adult thing that I did and I did that for a lot of years. In continuing along that line, I did this ‘Battleground’ for Nightmares and Dreamscapes and I think I will do more drama/science fiction in the sort of X-Files vein as well as quite likely doing some more science fiction. I’m also enjoying some adult comedy. I think I would likely do some cool puppet pieces that are puppets but doing adult material.”

But don’t look for any evil puppets in “Battleground.” “There are characters [but] they’re not really puppets. They’re CG characters and costumes. It’s basically about a guy who gets hunted down in his apartment by a box of toy soldiers.”

In even bigger news for children of the 1980s, the Henson Company is doing a feature length Fraggle Rock movie. “I think we announced that we’re trying to develop a Fraggle Rock movie a little bit earlier than we’re doing it. Yes, we’re writing a Fraggle Rock movie and trying to pull it together.”

It’s been so long that they may have to reintroduce the origin story of the Fraggles, but devotees need not worry about a cheap remake. “I think it was more realizing the Fraggles in a slightly different environment. It was to do something that sort of stands next to Fraggle Rock rather than [is] a continuation of [it].”

You’ll see all your favorite Fraggles, and you won’t even be able to tell that the original puppets have been lost to mothballs. “Well, we have to rebuild them because they’re old, but it would be with a lot of those characters, definitely.”

On the front burner for Henson is a sequel to the cult classic The Dark Crystal. “We are trying to pull the business pieces together on a Dark Crystal sequel. That one’s pretty far along. It’s got a good, strong script, a great vision for how to do it and we’re just trying to [put it together].”

Much of the talent involved with the original Dark Crystal has left the Henson Company, so recreating that world will take more than just rebuilding the puppets. “For Dark Crystal, almost none of the voices were actually the puppeteers, so they were mostly voice artists. Where characters need to have the same voice we would likely try to find those voice artists or look for other voice artists.”

If Dark Crystal 2 happens, the obvious follow-up to Labyrinth would not be far behind. But Henson’s not thinking of an outright sequel for that world. “Actually, we’re talking about doing something different with Labyrinth but I can’t really talk about it. So we’re not really working on a sequel for Labyrinth right now, but Dark Crystal we are.”

our assets are frozen

So for the past three days the air conditioner at work has been stuck on high. It was 60 degrees yesterday. Hoodies, and scarves were abounding. Maintenance said it's broken and it can't be turned off. Last night I sent a scathing email to the head of maintenance who is on vacation in Vancouver.
Today I come in and the temperature is normal. I call down to maintenance (a different building) and they admit that only one of them knows how to turn it off and he was on vacation. So, watch out for this out of the box thinking, they called the manufacturer. Jump back!

Kermit: If you please Mr. Scrooge, it's gotten colder and the bookkeeping staff would like an extra shovel full of coal for the fire.

Rat: All of our pens have turned to inkcicles.

Movie Roundup

I saw a ton of movies over the last two weeks and I thought I should share some thoughts:

























Superman
Good. A well made movie, much better than X3 in every sense. It had interesting writing, great acting, and excellent special effects. It wasn't that exciting, but for the love of God, it is Superman. Archie and Jughead has more suspenseful moments.




















Pirates of the Caribbean (Part Deux)
Good. Exactly as expected: more of the same. If Orlando Bloom could be any more boring and uninteresting both in his acting and in his character, there would be a sure fire cure for insomnia. The effects were amazing, but the plot drug on a bit. I also prefer movies that, you know, end. 2.5 hours was a bit long. And they're going to get another 2.5 hours and 10$ out of me next July. But it's a movie about pirates, so who am I kidding. See you next year, Mr. Depp.




















Cars
By far the best movie I saw in the theater this weekend. It was very cute, heartwarming, fresh, and it had a great message. I just thought it was awesome.




















Prairie Home Companion
WTF? I NEVER use internet slang, but sweet zombie Jesus, it was soooo bad. I actually listen to the NPR program and I still found this movie boring, derivative, confusing, and senseless. I like my movies to have plots. You see most movies go intro, problem, struggle, solution, wrap up. This movie was like intro intro intro, confusing plot device, more intro, cliché, random violence, intro intro, uninteresting and nonsensical non-conclusion. The only way this movie could have been interesting would be if Garrison Keillor would have had a chainsaw attached to his hand and zombies had eaten off Lindsay Lohan’s face. (Lohan, who incidentally threw away her only amusing lines. Oh Lindsay, you were such a good little actress in Parent Trap- has the Syph finally reached your brain?)
Woody Harrelson and John C. Reilly stole the show. If the entire movie had been Dusty and Lefty I would have left with a smile. What a waste of good actors and my time.























Road to Perdition
The best movie I saw this weekend. Seriously wonderful. Rent it. Save your self 6 bucks and stay home. Wonderful acting, fascinating story, it had a plot, it had an ending, it was well filmed, it was interesting and suspenseful and it was just kind of compelling.

pent up emotions

All these crazy-ass pent up emotions were released when I was sent the following link to Serentiy as performed by sock puppets.





















Damn you Joss Whedon.

I'm mad as hell, and I'm not going to take this anymore!

All over the news, the latest case of soldier 'misconduct' in Iraq is stuck on whether the girl was 14 or 15 or older.

I don't care how old she was when was raped and murdered by our soldiers in Iraq. If she was 12 or 90, I don't care. I don't.

These are our soldiers. Our sons, our cousins, our neighbors.
And they are also our employees. We pay them. And they rape on our dime. We are paying them to protect Iraq. To engender it with the values of our nation. We paid them to protect that woman and they raped her. And God knows how many women they raped. How many civilians were killed to punish Iraq, not even killed because the soldiers believed they might be insurgents. Our men, our soldiers. Our rapists, our murderers. And worst of all, our cowards who knew what these soldiers had done and didn't step forward.

There is a macho stench in America's military. Archaic and wrong beliefs on women and homosexuals that are encouraged and considered traditional. This isn't a few bad seeds. This is an entire environment where we are taking a bunch of mostly uneducated 17 year old boys and encouraging their most base and immature instincts. I'm sick of "boys will be boys." I'm sick of the whole thing. And I am damn tired of paying for it.

Oh and you know what? I have no recourse. I paid these men and I have no say. There is so little I can do, but you know what I'm doing right now? I'm writing the President. I'm writing my senators and congressman. I'm writing to the Secretary of Defense. I'm writing them because I want my say.

And I say: Give these men a fair trial and when they are judged guilty, put these soldiers in an Iraqi prison and throw away the key. Strip them of their rank, their military benefits, and their citizenship. They don't deserve to be called American.

I am deeply deeply ashamed.

Yes, I'm a geek, but isn't this kinda neat?

La. garden yields yard-long ... cuculoupe?
Sun Jul 9, 5:50 AM ET











HOUMA, La. - They're a yard long and a good few inches across. The skin is waxy, sort of like a cucumber, but yellow and ridged like a canteloupe. A half dozen of them grew between the cucumbers and cantaloupes in a Houma home garden.

"We call it a cuculoupe," Karen Dusenbery said.

As good a name as any.

"Science is strange sometimes," LSU AgCenter agent Barton Joffrion said after examining the whatsits.

"You see crosses like that. What happens is they planted them close in proximity, and they are in the same family," said Joffrion. "But it's not that common."

Both are members of the Cucurbit family, which includes pumpkins and gourds as well as melons and cucumbers.

Cucumbers and cantaloupes are closely related enough to swap genes, Joffrion said. He'd never seen anything like the Dusenberys' whatever.

"In the first generation, they'll cross and you'll get an unusual fruit," Joffrion said.

The firm flesh inside is yellow and somewhat sweet but has a flavor more like cucumber than cantaloupe, Tim Dusenbery said.

The Dusenberys said they are saving the seeds and hope to get more next year.

However, Joffrion said a crossbred plant usually reverts back to one of its original forms in subsequent generations.

"It'll be interesting to see what it does revert to," Joffrion said.

Shhhh, don't be nervous

Jonathan Frakes is in Castlevania, to be released in 2007.













Normally I would be worried that Paul (AVP) Anderson is writing and directing this, but since #1 is here to protect me I'll throw caution to the wind and admit that come 2007 Steve and I will be waiting eagerly for the moment we can enter the darkened theater to watch 20 minutes of commercials that we paid ten bucks for.

George Lucas just can't leave well enough alone.

Don't get me started on George Lucas and his revisions of Star Wars, but, if you do want to get me started this link will give you all the material you need to keep me cussing for hours.

EX.

Original














DVD:











You know the Wizard of Oz is sooo dated. Let's take the lollipop Guild guys, CGI them to be black and have them rap the Guild welcome.
Also golden retrievers are much more popular, instead of Toto, let's CGI in "Duke." Maybe he should talk... let's get a test audience in.
While we're at it, let's see about Gone with the Wind. Let's make all the slaves white paid servants. There, now isn't that better?

You know if Lucas was going to do a bunch of changes between release and DVD, he should have refilmed episodes 1-3. Or at least deleted JarJar Binks.

Incidentally, spell check suggests "jerk" as a correction for JarJar.

Oh Japan- we really must stop meeting like this.

Japanese TV Ahoy!!!

Linkage for all

New links to your right. Check them out.
Judge me if you will.

Poor Craig.

Craigslist is being sued by civil rights groups for not screening adds for fair housing practices.
If I am looking for a roommate- not a tenant, but someone who is sharing my personal space- I want to be able to say “no kids” or “fat girls filled with anger and spite” or whatever. Furthermore if an asshole doesn’t want to share his space with a white guy or a black guy, or a gay guy, or a woman—I think he should be able to say “white, straight, boring roommate wanted.”
I don’t think a complex should be able to be gay-free, but individual assholes sharing space, should be allowed to look for other assholes. That way us regular folks can steer clear.
Furthermore I am tired of the grasping hands of the government continually trying to get its sticky fingers all over the internet. This is almost as bad as when private business was getting their cheeto fingers all over which businesses qualify for high speed internet.

Oh, and in other Tech News:
Cingular was ripping off the former AT&T customers by allowing their reception to degrade and using price influences and improper contracting to cause them to sign new contracts with Cingular. I know if those assholes had done that to me, they would be getting a little call and I would be getting a little out of my contract for free and getting a new swanky phone from T-Mobile or Verizon.
I’m just saying, Steve.

Reunited, and it feels SO good.

My fascination with The Coreys began with the movie The Lost Boys. Sweet sweet The Coreys. I've always been sad about the fate of The Coreys. Well, it appears that things are looking up for The Coreys:

Two Coreys Together Again














by Joal Ryan (E!)
Jun 21, 2006, 12:40 PM PT

Call it a Dream a Little Dream come true for fans of 1980s teen cinema. Or connoisseurs of 21st century celebrity curios.

Corey Feldman and Corey Haim, who in their prime Tiger Beat years costarred in three movies together, are being reunited for a proposed comedy series, Daily Variety reported Wednesday.

Although Feldman and Haim are best known collectively as "The Two Coreys," their new TV venture simply would be called The Coreys.

The show doesn't yet have a network home. The Variety article seemed designed to drum up interest in such a home being found--it noted that producers, the same people behind ABC's Wife Swap and the WB's Survival of the Richest, will begin peddling The Coreys on Thursday.

Speaking to Variety, RDF USA executive Greg Goldman teased that Feldman and Haim possess a chemistry that "just pops off the screen."

The Coreys would find the Coreys playing fictionalized versions of themselves, presumably because it would be funnier and less sad that way. Feldman would play Corey Feldman, married father of one son; Haim would play Corey Haim, single man. While both play those roles in real life, too, the TV show would ratchet up the comedy in the situation by having Haim, as Variety put it, "[shake] life up for the Feldmans."

Feldman and Haim, both 34, last teamed up, per IMDb.com, for two recent episodes of the Cartoon Network series, Robot Chicken. They also both appeared in the cameo-laden 2003 David Spade film, Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star.

A feathered-hair generation ago, Feldman and Haim earned their "Two Coreys" title in The Lost Boys, License to Drive and Dream a Little Dream. Later, and to lesser acclaim, they costarred in Busted (directed by Feldman), Blown Away, National Lampoon's Last Resort and Dream a Little Dream 2. Not one of those films, all made in the 1990s, were released in theaters.
While both Feldman and Haim have struggled to recapture the careers they had in the 1980s, Haim has just plain struggled, with drugs, with finances, with eBay regulations (in 2001, the site pulled an auction by the actor in which he was selling off one of his molars).

Last March, London's Daily Star quoted a "close pal" of Haim as saying the former idol was "clean and sober and ready to put his life in perspective." As such, the paper said, Haim was planning to write a tell-all about an affair he had with U.K. tab magnet Victoria Beckham during her Posh Spice/Spice Girls phase.




















Feldman, meanwhile, has dabbled in music, renounced childhood friend Michael Jackson, and amassed more than 100 IMDb.com TV and film credits, many of them recent. Often, he appears as himself (see: The Surreal Life); at least once, he appeared as Store Clerk (see: Serial Killing 4 Dummys).

You reap what you sow.

Japan is all ticked about North Korea's missile testing, not because of their proximity, but I would venture to say because they are worried about getting their comeuppance. Perhaps instead of visiting the Yasukuni shrine to dead soldiers (including convicted war criminals), the PM should be apologizing for the wide scale murder, rape etc. of the civilian populations of the countries it invaded a mere 50 years ago. I'm just saying.

Once a pansy, always a pansy.

One night Steve and I decided to revisit Gremlins. I remember loving it while simultaneously being terrified of it. My entire adult life I've believed that I was just kind of a candy ass, fraidy cat kinda kid. My only memory of the actual movie was a lit up fountain that was absolutely terrifying. I saw Gremlins as a very small child, and I directly remember being huddled in a sleeping bag next to my cousin who was similarly huddled. We may have been whimpering. God knows where our mothers were because that movie is seriously THE SCARIEST MOVIE I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY ENTIRE LIFE.












Oh my sweet Lord, I was still huddled in a ball, twenty years later, watching it with the lights on. I kept yelling "Pick the sword you ass clown" and "Damn it, Corey Feldman, you've ruined everything!"

Afterwards I got out to my car and, I am ashamed to say, I checked my back seat. Twice.

Don't get me wrong, Gizmo is mighty cute (strangely enough he is voiced by Howie Mandel), but that movie is really dark.














The whole time I was squealing about how cute Gizmo was I couldn't help but think of the green, apparently gelatinous Gremlins being oh say chopped up in a food processor.

1026.87 miles

Between me and San Luis Obispo...
darn.