Thursday, July 06, 2006

Once a pansy, always a pansy.

One night Steve and I decided to revisit Gremlins. I remember loving it while simultaneously being terrified of it. My entire adult life I've believed that I was just kind of a candy ass, fraidy cat kinda kid. My only memory of the actual movie was a lit up fountain that was absolutely terrifying. I saw Gremlins as a very small child, and I directly remember being huddled in a sleeping bag next to my cousin who was similarly huddled. We may have been whimpering. God knows where our mothers were because that movie is seriously THE SCARIEST MOVIE I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY ENTIRE LIFE.

Oh my sweet Lord, I was still huddled in a ball, twenty years later, watching it with the lights on. I kept yelling "Pick the sword you ass clown" and "Damn it, Corey Feldman, you've ruined everything!"

Afterwards I got out to my car and, I am ashamed to say, I checked my back seat. Twice.

Don't get me wrong, Gizmo is mighty cute (strangely enough he is voiced by Howie Mandel), but that movie is really dark.

The whole time I was squealing about how cute Gizmo was I couldn't help but think of the green, apparently gelatinous Gremlins being oh say chopped up in a food processor.

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