Sorry about the blogging sabbatical. It was one part someone blogged something stupid and rude (about my blog) and I'm taking my ball and going home, so there. And one part hanging upside down to hack up (literal) sheets of green mucous for the last 3 days, replete with gorilla style chest beating and cat-with-hairball style hacking. (Still single. Tell your friends!)
In all honesty, I absolutely have nothing (NOTHING) to relate as my days have been spent sort of watching (read: napping through) TV shows. Unless you would like more details of mucous. (Anyone? No? Really?!)
But I want to have things to say. So uhm... here:
1. Welcome new readers, I hope you look forward to stories about poop, raccoons, and nothing. Because those are my specialties.
2. Not Welcome: perverts who seem to be googling creepy kiddie-porn topics and somehow finding this. I am tracking my readers and, if I can figure out how, will find out where you are getting your "stuff" and then I will call the cops and you will go to jail and then you will become a much scarier man's (mens'?) bitch.
3. Today I've eaten: a banana, cherry m&m's, a latte, and two souls. Please do not provoke my dangerous ire. I will make you cry. Even if you are a dude. I am taking no shit today, friends. Watch out.
4. Yesterday someone left me a VM at work thanking me for doing my job. It was awesome. I plan to record it and put it on my desktop for use whenever someone yells at me for not magically making them smart enough to properly complete their legally binding affidavit. (No, idiot, you sign HERE, where it says "signature".)
5. This week's midnight movie at The Egyptian is Alien. If you have not seen this in a theater I encourage you to do so. It is AMAZING.
That's all I've got.