Thursday, April 10, 2008

I'm back, but without that vengeance thing that I've heard so much about

Sorry about the blogging sabbatical. It was one part someone blogged something stupid and rude (about my blog) and I'm taking my ball and going home, so there. And one part hanging upside down to hack up (literal) sheets of green mucous for the last 3 days, replete with gorilla style chest beating and cat-with-hairball style hacking. (Still single. Tell your friends!)

In all honesty, I absolutely have nothing (NOTHING) to relate as my days have been spent sort of watching (read: napping through) TV shows. Unless you would like more details of mucous. (Anyone? No? Really?!)

But I want to have things to say. So uhm... here:

1. Welcome new readers, I hope you look forward to stories about poop, raccoons, and nothing. Because those are my specialties.

2. Not Welcome: perverts who seem to be googling creepy kiddie-porn topics and somehow finding this. I am tracking my readers and, if I can figure out how, will find out where you are getting your "stuff" and then I will call the cops and you will go to jail and then you will become a much scarier man's (mens'?) bitch.

3. Today I've eaten: a banana, cherry m&m's, a latte, and two souls. Please do not provoke my dangerous ire. I will make you cry. Even if you are a dude. I am taking no shit today, friends. Watch out.

4. Yesterday someone left me a VM at work thanking me for doing my job. It was awesome. I plan to record it and put it on my desktop for use whenever someone yells at me for not magically making them smart enough to properly complete their legally binding affidavit. (No, idiot, you sign HERE, where it says "signature".)

5. This week's midnight movie at The Egyptian is Alien. If you have not seen this in a theater I encourage you to do so. It is AMAZING.

That's all I've got.


Ferretnick said...

STILL single?!? How can that be?
Who doesn't love mucous?

Yay for cracking down on kiddie perverts! They ought to be hung by their tallywhacker and beat upon like a pinata!

Only two souls today? You know, they're high in fiber.

Alien at the Egyptian. Awesome. Wish I could make it.

Get to feeling better soon.

Ferretnick said...

P.S. Is "Alien" the extended version or the original theatrical release?
Just wondering....

qtilla said...

I don't believe it said.

Anyone who does not respect the film-making and historical significance of Alien is a dummy.

I wish I wasn't disgustingly mucous-tastic so I could go.

drew said...

I think they showed it at the egyptian before, when I lived there. I went with some coworkers, after work. It was awsome. Is this theater walking distance Crome like 22nd and pine? Or was it 42nd? Jeeze, I can't recall...

Girl Friday K said...

I'm glad you're sharing your ball with us again.

I don't care what anyone says, mucous is friggin' haaaaaawt. You sound just as smoking as me. Hey, in the morning when you're hacking up the 8 ounces of Sexy Green Goodness, do you actually start to throw up? I do and let me tell you, that's totally my favorite part.

Aside from the medicine that's now leaking out of my ear unless I plug it up with a cotton ball.

Cherry M&M's sound hideous, but soul chasers make everything go down better.

I'm really curious to see WHAT they're googling to end up here. Umbrella sex toys? Raccoon poop?

Feel better. Tell your mucous that my mucous said "wazzup". (My mucous is a wigger.)

qtilla said...

Your mucous and my brother have a lot in common. Maybe they should start erm... 'kick'n it'. Is that what the cool kids say these days?

And quite frankly the things people google that somehow bring them here make me wish for a swift and early death, you know, for our entire species.

PS- I do actually trip my gag reflex with the phlegm hacking- unless I'm hanging upside down. Have you tried hacking while hanging upside down? It really helps. Also it defines 'sexy.'

Elwood said...

There's nothing hotter than 2 women...talking about mucous.

Ferretnick said...

Awww yeah!

Back Nine said...

Actually, your description of your current physical states sound like something out of Alien.

Girl Friday K said...

Mucous is SUPER-sexy, Elwood and Nick, you two are lucky, lucky bastards--next time we're CHARGING.

Farmer Ted said...

So last time I found this place is was because of Bank of America's once in a lifetime offer...
this time I was innocently looking for photographs of baby goats in various levels of undress and compromising positions...

google is strange... haha