Wednesday, March 14, 2007

I am a total idiot.

Between the stupid new daylight savings time change, the sinus infection (which I STILL have) and the upstairs neighbor with OCD who, when he goes outside for a 3 am ciggy must open-shut-open-shut-open-shut-open the door, then open the screen door, then shut-open-shut-open-shut-open-shut the door, then close the screen door, then smoke his cigarette, then open the screen door, then open-shut-open-shut-open-shut-open the door, then close the screen door, and then shut-open-shut-open-shut-open-slam shut and double lock, and the fact that I am reading The Stand, I cannot sleep. Since I cannot sleep in the PM, I cannot wake up in the AM. And because I am getting 3 hours of sleep I am a romping raging bitch from hell.

These things, the neighbor, the sinus infection, daylight savings time: totally not my fault. Reading about a super-plague wiping out the world and Satan and God battling for the disgusting souls of man, replete with war, famine, rape, murder, and Satan possessed weasels right before bed- absolutely stupid and completely my fault.

This is the stuff that keeps me up at night. The thin veneer of "humanity" that keeps us from raping and plundering our neighbors completely evaporating. End of the world. Zombies. Nuclear fall out. You name it- it is freaking hugely scary to me.

Ghosts, serial killers, vampires, true crime- not going to keep me awake at night.

I was so keyed up a few nights ago I had to watch CSI to calm down. Decomposing corpses don't usually lull me to sleep, but when faced with killer weasels, I'll take the maggots, thanks.

After reading or watching these "fall of human society" sorts of scenarios, I always remind myself that in case of killer disease I will probably be the first to die. In a zombie scenario, I will be the one moaning 'brains,' not the guy with a shotgun. Sure my earthquake kit, and various survival items would be great to have in the event of an actual disaster, but I will probably die trapped under the rubble, squished right next to my bottled water and thermal blanket.

This cheerful thought, earplugs, and some Nyquil usually can get me to sleep.


PalinDrome said...

Since my The Stand lenticular sign has already ruined your sleep patterns, may suggest Mr. King's book Cell as your next entertainment. It is his latest take on the zombie phenomenon. Basically everyone that uses a cell phone after 3:08 PM Eastern Time on October 1st has their brain erased and rewired with Pure Rage(tm). It kind of falls apart at the end but was an enjoyable ride... It made my drive to and from San Diego fly by at least.

qtilla said...

1. You said 'lenticular.'

2. I started The Cell last night, all the better to never sleep again. Hurrah!