Thursday, March 15, 2007

Animals attacking other people: hilarious.

Animals are attacking in a nationwide campaign of violence. First striking the press to quiet our cries for help...

Snakes hunger for the blood of Mets fans.

Then striking in middle America, the very area we are least likely to notice is missing:

AP is reporting that two stray cats in Nebraska (never heard of it) attacked residents of a home after sneaking in through an open door.
"She told the officer it happened when the two cats entered the residence and attacked her for no reason," [Chief of Police] Gutschenritter said. (Pause: Gutschenritter? Nice.)
Cats don't attack for no reason, they are certainly not known for that sort of thing... wait a minute....
Injuries included a woman bitten on both ankles, both knees and on her left calf, another bitten on the right calf (cats enjoy symmetry), and a little boy who opened his bedroom door, only to be bitten on his forehead, nose, left ear and right cheek.
Well, that wasn't as funny as I had hoped. Wait! I know, Gutschenritter!

I think we should all make a special effort to shut and lock our doors against Nature. If you want to go outside, turn on your TV instead. Nature is out there, everywhere...

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