So my normally adorable roommate sent me on an errand that she volunteered to run for her soon to be mother in-law. I would normally not be snarky about doing favors but...
1. Right now my roommate doesn't have a job. So all day long while I am working she is doing God knows what. She claims that her wedding stuff is taking up all her days. Well, I guess when your wedding is a fucking circus it might take 40 hours a week for over a month. Moreover, I could probably buy one of those Russian Circuses for what this wedding is costing her parents.
2. This favor involved the cosmetic department at Nordstrom. At 8 o'clock at night.
She asked me to run and get her STBMIL a lip pencil. I wrote this down very carefully as I stood in my pajamas and monkey slippers."Ok, so she needs a refillable lip pencil made by Clinique in the color 'garnet.' Ok, I've gotta go, the mall is going to close soon. Nope, got it," I said.
I hung up the phone and put on real clothes, grabbed Ari (my handbag), and hit the road. I arrived at the mall and parked by Macy's. I went to the Clinique counter and the heavily East-Europeany accented woman asked if I needed help. Ari gave me the sticky note and I told her that I needed a refillable lip pencil in 'garnet.' She told me, "Clinique does not make refillable pencils, only sharpenable ones." I don't really know the difference, so I told her, "that's fine, can I have a pencilly one in Garnet?" Being that I pretty much didn't give a shit and was running out of cell minutes, I just decided to roll with it. She, without looking, responded, "Oh, we don't have anything in Garnet, perhaps you mean Granite? Maybe you mean Mac?" I wanted to say, "Look Natasha, I wrote it down on a sticky, and GRANITE is NOT the same as GARNET. Oh and don't try to jerk me around. Obviously I don't wear makeup, but even I know that Mac is really expensive." Instead I pasted on my smile and told her that I would go check.Instead of checking I went to Norstrom. At that Clinique counter, I told the girl the EXACT same thing that I just told the girl at Macy's. She said, "Ok, let's see, I don't think we make it in Garnet."
It was now 8:45 and the mall voice was telling me to take my shit to the nearest available counter. "Uhm, give me a second." So I called STBMIL. "They don't make it in Garnet, any ideas of what it might be." "Oh God, I don't know, just get something you would wear. Something pinky-purple." "Uhm, Ok."
I tell the girl she has similar coloring to mine and wants something purply-pink. We then draw lines all over her hands looking for something both purply and pinky. Finally we narrowed down to three. THREE very distinct colors. It was now 3 minutes to close. I knew that I was going to have to walk all the way around the outside of the mall because Macy's doors would be locked and I was not happy. I called again. "Ok, sky violet, plummy day, or pansy; anything sound familiar?" "No." "You want the dark one or the light one?" "Give me plum." "Ok, thanks." I bought the plum and went home.
This morning I told my roommate about this and her response was, "Thank God I didn't have to go."
I've got a shotgun, but can anyone loan me a shovel?