Friday, June 03, 2005

A lot of work to put some whale fat on your face.

So my normally adorable roommate sent me on an errand that she volunteered to run for her soon to be mother in-law. I would normally not be snarky about doing favors but...

1. Right now my roommate doesn't have a job. So all day long while I am working she is doing God knows what. She claims that her wedding stuff is taking up all her days. Well, I guess when your wedding is a fucking circus it might take 40 hours a week for over a month. Moreover, I could probably buy one of those Russian Circuses for what this wedding is costing her parents.
2. This favor involved the cosmetic department at Nordstrom. At 8 o'clock at night.

She asked me to run and get her STBMIL a lip pencil. I wrote this down very carefully as I stood in my pajamas and monkey slippers."Ok, so she needs a refillable lip pencil made by Clinique in the color 'garnet.' Ok, I've gotta go, the mall is going to close soon. Nope, got it," I said.
I hung up the phone and put on real clothes, grabbed Ari (my handbag), and hit the road. I arrived at the mall and parked by Macy's. I went to the Clinique counter and the heavily East-Europeany accented woman asked if I needed help. Ari gave me the sticky note and I told her that I needed a refillable lip pencil in 'garnet.' She told me, "Clinique does not make refillable pencils, only sharpenable ones." I don't really know the difference, so I told her, "that's fine, can I have a pencilly one in Garnet?" Being that I pretty much didn't give a shit and was running out of cell minutes, I just decided to roll with it. She, without looking, responded, "Oh, we don't have anything in Garnet, perhaps you mean Granite? Maybe you mean Mac?" I wanted to say, "Look Natasha, I wrote it down on a sticky, and GRANITE is NOT the same as GARNET. Oh and don't try to jerk me around. Obviously I don't wear makeup, but even I know that Mac is really expensive." Instead I pasted on my smile and told her that I would go check.Instead of checking I went to Norstrom. At that Clinique counter, I told the girl the EXACT same thing that I just told the girl at Macy's. She said, "Ok, let's see, I don't think we make it in Garnet."
It was now 8:45 and the mall voice was telling me to take my shit to the nearest available counter. "Uhm, give me a second." So I called STBMIL. "They don't make it in Garnet, any ideas of what it might be." "Oh God, I don't know, just get something you would wear. Something pinky-purple." "Uhm, Ok."
I tell the girl she has similar coloring to mine and wants something purply-pink. We then draw lines all over her hands looking for something both purply and pinky. Finally we narrowed down to three. THREE very distinct colors. It was now 3 minutes to close. I knew that I was going to have to walk all the way around the outside of the mall because Macy's doors would be locked and I was not happy. I called again. "Ok, sky violet, plummy day, or pansy; anything sound familiar?" "No." "You want the dark one or the light one?" "Give me plum." "Ok, thanks." I bought the plum and went home.
This morning I told my roommate about this and her response was, "Thank God I didn't have to go."
I've got a shotgun, but can anyone loan me a shovel?

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