Wednesday, June 22, 2005

Life of crime,unpredictably, not working out so well.

I had a job interview downtown this morning at 8:30 am. At 6:30 am my alarm went off, I stretched like a cat and rolled out of bed. Showering leisurely I mentally prepared myself for the usual questions. I did my hair and donned my suit.
At the bank(I needed cash for parking) the machine told me it could not complete my transaction at that time. "Oh well," I thought, "I have plenty of time." Now the funny thing is that right before I entered my pin number I had thought, "Hey, it would suck if my card didn't work." Wow! I was right.
Anyway, I continued towards the freeway, stopping at Safeway to buy whatever to get cash back. I picked out Newsweek, as it had a dinosaur on the cover, and handed it to the girl. After I had entered my pin the machine spit out an error message. The girl said, "Wow, I've never seen this one before. It says your card was reported stolen." Great. Back inside my car I decide to call and wake my roommate up and ask if she had any cash. At my house, now running late, I collected the cash, thanked the roommy and got on the road.
Later that day I got into my office and I had a voicemail from my bank asking for me to call them. The girl at the bank asked if I had seen the news. I told her I don't watch TV. You see, dear reader, I don't watch TV because I'm afraid it will actually make me as stupid as everyone else in America. This one time, I was left to my own devices with my friend's TV and I watched 2 episodes of America's Top Model. At the end, I snapped out of it with 1.5 hours of life and the Pythagorean Theorem completely gone.
Now, let me advise you bank workers, school workers, and hospital workers of America, when a problem comes up, do not say "Have you seen the news?" by way of explanation. Can we just reserve that phrase for small talk or an actual crisis? Thanks. Obviously, after hearing that i was all freaked out "This made the news? I am totally screwed."
Ah, but no, I guess I am just one of thousands of victims of some sort of card number thieving incident that all of the Newlywed watching assholes of America have heard about, "duh." My new card should come some time next week, she hoped. And as it turns out, I got that job.
But the point is, incompetent thieves stole my number but weren't sneaky enough to get away with it; thus before they could so much as order one Bowflex Fitness Machine or make 750$ worth of calls to Tibet, my card was cancelled. So really while these guys were shitty thieves, they clearly excel at really inconveniencing a lot of people.

Cheers, Morons.

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