“The drop is lucky.”

Is what my boyfriend said I said in my sleep last night. What does that mean? No idea.

In other news, tonight is the last weeknight Girl Scout meeting of the school year. Is it wrong for a troop leader to be so ridiculously gleeful? Hope not.

Don't worry, this is not another post about Skittles.

Mostly because if I eat one more Skittle I am going to hurl.

So, what's new with me?

1. My cousin is set to wed in two weeks. 2! Weeks! Seattle will be flooded by my relatives, so if you see someone driving 55 in the left lane of I5 with their blinker on, say aloha to my elderly relations from Hawaii. If some jackass in a truck with a sticker of Calvin peeing on a Chevy logo cuts you off on I90, rest assured he's one of ours too.

1.5. My cousin is getting married on a boat and asked what song I would like played at the wedding.
I requested this:

Request denied. Some people don't appreciate excellent music.

2. I survived another round of layoffs, but my funding ends August 31 of 2011. So big party next September. And by big party, I mean come by my house with food.

3. Dude, you guys, I am turning 30 in July. I really want to do something awesome. What sorts of awesome things should I do? I was all set to go to Iceland, but now that seems ashy. I can't decide between renting a cabin with all my friends, going away for the weekend with my boyfriend, or going away for the weekend with another couple. Thoughts anyone? Leavenworth? The beach? Victoria? Whistler off season? France?

3.5. I'm getting old! OLD. So this means I can stay home all weekend in my PJs and watch LOST (finally at season 5!) and nobody can say a thing about it! Finally I can enjoy Murder She Wrote and make jam and who will judge? Nobody, because they all want jam. If I didn't really not like cats, I would totally get one. Because that is what unmarried ladies over 30 do, right?

4. I've been pet-sitting for about two months straight now and I am SO excited to go back to my own home. First I will clean the hell out of the house and then... sit on my butt and watch two months of TIVO. Doctor Who? Yes, please. A little Masterpiece Theater? Hot damn! Finish up LOST for good? Yippee!

5. That's all I've got for the moment. Any questions?

How are things?

Well, this is my squeezy pig from work.

Crap, About Which, Nobody Cares: SKOCD Special Edition

You know, Skittle Obsessive Craziness Disorder.

My last "fun" pack (sorry for the pic quality, I've been messing around with a new photo app and errrr, it's not working that well.):




















So, for those keeping track:
Out of the 75 Skittles I've eaten:
Green: 12%
Orange: 19%
Purple: 25%
Red: 16%
Yellow: 28%

Please also note that I was ROBBED on March 1st with a 14 pack instead of the standard 15. Luckily I got a bonus Skittle (though I'm convinced it was YELLOW) on the 24th of February.

So my original hypothesis that red is some corporate fat cat's favorite flavor is erroneous. Green is his fav, but he mixes it up with a red occasionally. Of course, I didn't notice the discernible lack of greens because they are gross.

But wait! There's more!

Speaking of green being super gross, from Cymberleah, our first guest submission:




















Now, Cymberleah's data:
Total of 59 Skittles in a standard sack.
Green: 34%
Orange: 12%
Purple: 10%
Red: 25%
Yellow: 10%

Clearly this means that the guy in charge of the regular sized Skittles packaging factory likes yellow and purple best.

It certainly doesn't have to do with Skittles being thrown into a giant hopper and never being mixed and the sacks being filled by weight. Doing it that way would be totally stupid.

In other news, my dentist is getting a new boat!

My own brother, a goddamn, shit-sucking vampire.

You wait 'till mom finds out, buddy!

I’m pretty bummed out about Corey Haim passing. In the same way that romcoms assert that you can be in love with the man someone could be, I am mourning the loss of someone who could have been so much more successful as a person. Never mind having the acting career he might have achieved, but simply living well and joyfully.

I think that there is something sick and sad in our society that we take bright and creative people and watch them slowly burn.

I’m sorry that he didn’t get to be someone happy. I’m sorry that nobody tried hard enough to help him until too late. I guess I’m just sorry.

Last night the BF and I watched a portion (not the whole thing, but some of us have to get up at ass o’clock and go to the gym or else become ENORMOUS) of The Lost Boys last night and was struck by how adorable and talented Corey Haim had been as a young man.

I’m going to try to remember him charming and young, with life ahead of him, instead of as yet another cautionary tale about excess, youth, and the dangers of Hollywood.

More bars?

1, 2, 3, 4, 5.

Interesting.

Curious

Still not even, but all the ones on the right are RED.

I know!

No, as a matter of fact, I don't have anything better to blog about:

Bonus Skittle. But still no balance.

I'm just say'n.

Come on. Really?

Dear Makers of "Fun Size" Skittles,

You rat bastards.

Why is it so hard to make reasonably even distributions of Skittle flavors in your packs?

Why are their always three million yellows or oranges? Why never red?

Where are all the surplus reds? Are you eating my reds? You are sitting there at your desk eating all of my red Skittles as I write. I KNOW IT IS TRUE.

Please see photographic evidence of you latest transgression below.

You are officially on notice, Skittle swapping creeps!

Roger Ebert and Being Awesome

A while ago I started reading Roger Ebert's blog in the Chicago Sun-Times. You may only think of Ebert as a movie reviewer, but Ebert is a talented writer and deep thinker. His blog is occasionally about film, but more frequently about life. Ebert himself is fading from life (having readied himself to die) after cancer and numerous surgeries, which have robbed him of speaking, eating, drinking, and facial expressions. His blog is his means of communication with the greater world.

There is something beautiful in his writing. Not simply his skill in expressing himself. Something more. The way he thinks. The way he feels and that he wants us to understand and feel too. Reading his blog is like breathing in a tiny piece of Ebert. Savoring a small piece of a great man's soul.

There is a fantastic story about Roger Ebert in Esquire and I would really encourage you to read it. Both Ebert's blog and the Esquire story are well worth the time to read.

Happy reading.

Really?!

A while ago the roommie and I went out for Korean BBQ and I'm pretty sure the workers at the restaurant thought we were leotarded.

They cooked the meat for us; and I'll admit, it was a bit off-putting.

Perhaps they thought my big round eyes are unable to determine meat doneness. It is more likely that it's illegal to allow us to grill our own around here, but I prefer to believe that being unable to determine meat doneness is a common stereotype abroad.

You know, white folks don't know how to grill, Asians are good at math, and black guys have big... hands.

Let me assure the fine proprietors of the local North Seattle Korean BBQ establishment that I did not get into this physical condition by not knowing how to cook food and put it in my face.

hungy hungy hippos!

Dear Universe,

How are you? I'm hungry.

Remember when I lived in Japan and the food was so ridiculously delicious? I know! It was awesome. And it made me sad that I couldn't get that food here.

Then you brought me Beard Papa's cream puffs and I was excited. That was pretty awesome. First one in Hawaii, handy when visiting relatives. Then one in San Francisco, still handy for the visiting. Then one in Vancouver, more motivation to visit my parents. Then BOOM. Two in Seattle. I was happy. It takes me less time to drive to Beard Papa's and buy a cream puff and scarf it, than to wait in the appalling lines outside the Beard Papa's I frequented in Tokyo. Good on you.

Well, now I'm the mood for something salty after all these cream puffs. Today I learned that Yoshinoya, one of my favorite stumble-in-after-drinking-and-have-a-bowl-of-rice-topped-with-beef-joints has like 300 locations in California.

Universe, where is my Yoshinoya? Do not withhold divine beefy goodness. Not cool.

And while I'm making requests, where is my Cozy Corner, purveyors of sweets that are not too sweet? I would like a decorated little cake. Very very much. Look at how pretty they are. See, all the yummy goodness, also the small bear you can buy to insert a candle in its head, so that you don't ruin your cake by placing a candle in it, but instead you can put a small bear's butt in there (but it's ok to put it's butt in there because it is made of gum drops. AND I AM NOT EVEN SHITTING YOU.).

Or the Little Mermaid one of many bakeries in Japan where you could find bread stuffed with many things including mayo (better than you'd think), bacon, or even OTHER BREAD.

Never mind the too numerous to mention hole in the wall ramen joints, rasta bars, and random excellent purveyors of Japanese food, all sorts.

So, Universe, dear universe, please send me more delicious Japanese food. And an In & Out. Also an El Pollo Loco. (I know it isn't good, I just like it.)

They should at least find you handy.

You know how sometimes you go to Home Despot and they ask you if you need some help and then they act like you're a complete moron? No? Maybe that is just me.

This is how this went:

Home Despot Guy: Can I help you find something?

Q: A good all-weather heat-resistant silicone caulk.

HDG: This one might be good for that. Doing a sauna or hot tub?

Q: Nope, trunk leak.

HDG: Uhm... I don't know if that's a good idea.

Q: This is American ingenuity at work, friend.

And now my trunk doesn't leak. Furthermore, having recommended it to my coworker, hers doesn't either.

You gotta problem? Yo, I'll solve it.

Hmmm.

This morning I ate "strawberries 'n cream" flavored yogurt.

This put me out of sorts.

Aren't all strawberry yogurts berries and cream flavored?

Also why "'n".

Also why is this bothersome to me? I wish I was in therapy so I could further explore these feelings....

Therapist: How are you feeling?

Q: Disgruntled.

Therapist: Is this about yogurt again?

Q: Mmmmmmmmaaaaybeeeeeee.

Therapist: Sally, cancel the rest of my afternoon appointments and tell my wife I'll be late for dinner.

We need to talk about your TPS reports.

My field is experiencing some rather severe setbacks of late and this resulted in the RIF of our mail room clerk.

His duties were redistributed to a number of (apparently disgruntled) coworkers.

So when I went to send a piece of mail certified it was no surprise that the form used to bill my department and the envelope were brought back to me with another form that I need to fill out, but was not aware of.

I completed 2 forms and set them on top of the envelope in the mail room to be mailed. Success!

Now it is a month later and I attempted to mail another envelope. Early the next day I received a testy (teehee) voice mail notifying me that I must google where to attach the 2nd form to the envelope because if the envelope is not fully prepared it wastes her time.

Ripping off the backing of the adhesive strip wastes her time, but calling and leaving a 2 minute angry and repetitive voicemail is an excellent use of her time. I called her back to explain that the rules keep changing and yet I am not notified and that I will take care of it, but during the frenzied conversation this woman made a huge point about how mailing envelopes is not her job and wastes her time.

So I waited for this joyous individual to go off of mail duty, and go downstairs to reclaim my envelope and adhere the form to it. And lo, it is gone. The mail sorting room is the size of a small walk-in closet and contains 1 counter with 1 thing on it. That 1 thing- not my envelope. I checked in my mailbox, I checked in the to-be-sent mail box, I looked on the counter and then the floor. Nada. I assumed that when I had called her earlier and listened to about 16 seconds of vitriol before saying, "Ok, bubye" and hung up on her she changed her mind and just did it.

This morning, imagine my dismay when I received another voicemail complaining that I did not take care of my envelope. Knowing it would suck, I wearily called her back and explained that the envelope was not there. The conversation went thus:
Rude Woman: I left it on the counter.
Me: When I went down there it was not on the counter.
RW: Yes it was, I left it there.
Me: I looked on the counter, there was nothing there. I figured someone must have mailed it.
RW: (becoming hysterical) IT WAS THERE. ON THE COUNTER. TO THE LEFT. YOU HAVE TO AFFIX THE...
Me: OK, bubye.

So I waited another hour or so and go to the mail room. The envelope was not there.

I dug around and find that someone had processed it.

Finally. My envelope was mailed with two wasted trips to the mail room, two phone calls, and two torturous voice mails. No wasted time here. Certainly none wasted on actually processing mail.

While I'm sympathetic to the fact that it is annoying when people don't follow rules and being screwed over by the budget cuts sucks, I'm not sympathetic to people who cannot behave themselves appropriately. Doing the mail may suck, but unfortunately for the rest of us, doing the mail is this woman's job. It's easy (which is great because my only other interaction with her was when she lost important paperwork and blamed me because paper-clipping it putting it in an envelope was insufficient), and apparently leaves you plenty of time to act like a jerk.

Fungi not as fun as name implies.

So, guess whose trunk is still leaking?

It's me! Back to the drawing board- by which I mean crawling about in my trunk with a Mag-Lite and tube of sealant.

And they say blonds have more fun.

Gunk in the Trunk

Guess how I spent my morning.

If you guessed crawling in and out of my car's trunk with a MagLite and screw driver, you are really good.

About a week ago I noticed that my car did not have the nice clean smell I was accustomed to. It had a funk about it that I could not put my finger on. (I'm going to take a moment to remind the reader that the whole "don't end sentences in prepostions" thing is not a rule, but a stylistic choice- so no trolling!)

Yesterday I opened the trunk at Nordstrom and there was a 2 foot square patch of terrifying white mold. So I shut the trunk, thinking that this was a problem for Future Quiana. (Sucks to be her. Literally, right now.) All I could picture in my head was two inches of fetid standing water in the spare tire well and the slimy, heavy tire rusting away that I would get to lift. This was too much for me on a Friday night. Instead, I decided to do this before breakfast on a Saturday morning after a very late night. GENIUS.

Naturally it is pouring and I didn't need the neighbor boys watching my yoga panted rear as I clamored in and out of the drunk of my land-yacht, so I moved the car into our tiny garage. I unbolted the trunk lining and pulled it up and out of the affected areas. It has been raining pretty heavily for at least a week, and even though there was a TON of mold there was very little standing water. I gave the drain gaskets in the wheel well a good clean and the trunk is drying out in the garage. The hideous trunk liner is having various solvents tested on it in inconspicuous areas and other than being filthy, damp, and annoyed as hell, this whole thing has gone pretty well. 4 (FOUR!) points of entry were discovered and I hope to buy some sort of sealant for the trunk and get this taken care of today.

I think I will even replace the windshielf wipers, rain-x the windows, and give the whole thing a good detailing. So, in spite of the disgustingness, all in all I classify today as a win.

And that, my dear friends, is the pinnacle of my story telling ability lately, hence the lack of bloggage. But if you liked this entry I'll be happy to oblige you with other tantelizing tales of tidying and other such enchanting stories.

Happy Saturday.

Saving Myself

I've had the novel The Moonstone on my nightstand for months. Haven't read it.

I even moved it onto my "current reads" category on goodreads.com.

Today I read the introduction by PD James. And then I read the author's note.

And then I stopped. I just can't seem to read it.

Wilkie Collins is an amazing author. The Moonstone is supposed to be the second detective story ever written. The first, and according to most, the best mystery novel ever written.

Collins wrote my favorite book of all time, The Woman in White.

The Moonstone is his last novel. (Which is fine because he is quite dead.)

I've been enjoying looking forward to this book for so long. Is it crazy that I'm nervous to read this book?

Chris Rock talks to Leno about Polanski

I have been so mad about this whole defense of Polanski situation that I couldn't blog about it. And I'm still too mad. But I will say that I think it is interesting that one of the few celebrities who is willing to stand up and say, "Hey, this guy is a child rapist, send him to jail" is Chris Rock.

Jezebel has the pertinent clip if you are curious.

Oh, America, why?

I found it at Freddy's!

Funny things.

This morning while I was having my teeth cleaned I overheard a dental hygienist talking to a boy about 11 in the room across the way.

Dental Hygienist: How long do you brush your teeth?
Kid: Uhm... two minutes?
DH: I don't think so. How about you try for five?
...
DH: Any fun plans before school starts?
K: Visiting dad in Hawaii.
DH: Oh that will be fun. What will you do there?
K: X-Box.
DH: Not the ocean?
K: There are jellyfish.
DH: Jelly fish aren't as scary as all your teeth falling out.

Bonus funny:
Excerpt from ebay auction, "Nothing can compare with this Scarf:"
Nothing. Well, maybe other scarfs. But that is it.

Neil, stop looking at me like that.

Hilariously sultry Neil Gaiman talks about vampires at Entertainment Weekly.

Says Neil, "Come lie down on this velvet settee. Nothing weird here. RAWR, baby."

Where did they get this pic? Is Neil doing tasteful boudoir photos now?

Not that I'm complaining.

Unpopular Opinions.

1. The return of the North Korean prisoners.

I've been wondering if having Bill Clinton retrieve the prisoners was the right thing to do because the journalists have more or less admitted that they knowingly approached/crossed the NK border. Hey, guess what, screwing around with border crossing, particularly in this case, is pretty obviously dangerous. Furthermore having Clinton show up to speak with Kim Jong Il only gives him and the people starving to death in NK the belief that they run diplomatic relations and moreover, that kidnapping our citizens is an ok way to open up said relations.

I wonder if we would have bothered sending Clinton if they weren't pretty women and the sister of a popular journalist (I also wonder if these journalists correctly assumed that if they got caught, they'd get away with it because they are well connected women). If they were middle aged white guys they'd probably be breaking rocks right now and I might not even know they were there.

Saying that we should have left these journalists there is a very upopular opinon, so it was incredibly gratifying to read this article on Slate and find that I'm not the only one who is skeptical about the diplomatic situation in NK.

2. Inglorius Basterds.
Part of me is interested in the way Terrentino artfully styles his violence, but all the kind of porny over-the-top violence and general proliferation of hate is on my nerves lately.

Recently I declared "No more Nazis!" Having just finished The Book Thief, which was admittedly very good, I relized that I really could live without reading about Nazis for oh say the rest of my life. Not simply because the crimes perpatrated by the Nazis were horrendous and dreadful to read and imagine. But becuase Nazi soldiers were also people trapped in unimaginable positions, most of whom did very little to end the terror of the day, but who were also people victimized by their government in every concievable way.

Furthermore re-imagining these terrible acts, romantacizing, villanizing and obsessing is not a suitable way to never forget. Using Nazis as standard bad guys trivializes what happened in WWII, not just to Jews, homosexuals, and other persecuted groups, but to the German people.

I also feel like using Nazis as the standard bad guy, and WWII as the standard setting for the bulk of western literature is incredibly lazy. Making hiding a Jew in your basement, evading Nazis, or fleeing Germany a literary standard makes your book one fictional tale among growing thousands, ever dwarfed by true stories that make the made up ones seem stale and trite in comparison.

And finally I'm tired of being told who to hate and that hate is ok. Desecrating corpses is wrong, torturing POWs is wrong, and hating for shits and giggles is wrong. There are no good guys who take scalps. If the tale was told in real life I would be well in favor of rounding all the Basterds up for a psych eval if not trying them for war crimes.

To those who say there deserves to be some stories of vengence for the Jewish People, I would respond that I wonder how or why anyone could get even with such atrocities.

I read an interesting article about Inglorius Basterds today and a child of a real member of the British X Troup of Jewish comandos wrote:

"When Manfred arrived at the Terezin camp, prisoners crowded around the jeep. Weak and dispirited, they were too stunned to utter a word. He found an inmate who directed him to his parents—emaciated and indeed hardly recognizable. As his father recounted their experiences, which included a stay in the notorious Belsen camp, his father told him that Jews would never get revenge for what had been done to them. “We cannot be that cruel,” he said.

For a man like Ganz, World War II is neither a distant nor amusing memory. He doesn’t seem likely to be engaged by Tarantino’s comic-book violence. “To me, the reality was brutal enough,” he says. "

I couldn't agree more.

Soooooooo, define clunker.

So, the new C.A.R.S. program. I've been thinking about stimulating the Japanese economy by purchasing a vehicle that, you know, works and yet my car does not qualify for Cash for Clunkers.

This set me to wondering about who, precisely, would benefit from this program. Not the environment (at least not in the immediate short term). And not the poor; I figure that I am about as poor as you can get and still reasonably purchase a brand new vehicle. However, I'm not quite poor enough that my car (though 13 years old) qualifies. Someone who makes what I make would have to be pretty unreasonable to keep a car worse than mine. (After all, you have all been recommending that I dump the car for two years.)

I think to qualify you need to make at least 35K and be an enormously cheap bastard.

OR: trade your car with a poorer person and then you both win. They get a 13 year old, but still better, car and you get 4K.

I am thus curious (but far too lazy to research) about whom this bill was intended to assist. Not American auto makers, this is not limited to them. Not the working poor, they can't afford it. And not really the environment. So I guess this is posturing against OPEC?

Interesting choice.

Abandoned Blog Blues

Sorry (again) about the blog abandonment.

I'm really in awe of the folks who can really focus on writing almost everyday. I swear I am just as interesting. In fact, right now I am really busy negotiating world peace and baking things.

Actually, I've just been dogsitting in a house with no internet access, and blogging from the iPhone is not the most horrible thing in the world, but it isn't exactly a joy either.

SO, in order to not write about the turbulence in my personal life and/or my trip to Indiana to visit my estranged father and brother (culminating in my brother being arrested), let's chat about things on film.

So I saw Transformers 2 last weekend and while my buddy Deuce really enjoyed it, I'm going to have to say that might be the worst movie I have ever seen that was not a SyFy original film. I've seen Ice Spiders. Twice. So please believe me when I say that that was needlessly the worst movie ever made and not in a good way.

I also saw The Proposal. Yes, these romantic comedies are very predictable, and in fact I may have watched already seen The Proposal when it was called My Fake Fiance (an ABC Family Movie), starring Melissa Joan Hart and Joey Lawrence (still totally hot) wherein they also hate each other but plan a fake wedding (because Joey is in debt to a mobster named The Monkey and Melissa wants fee housewares) but then they fall in love for realz. However, The Proposal was very well made (even compared to the movie magic that was My Fake Fiance). Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds are very gifted comedic actors who also look good naked. So good for you two!! (Betty White really did steal the show though.) So, in conclusion this movie will undoubtedly end up in my humiliating collection of chick flicks:

While You Were Sleeping (Sandy B. rescues a man she has had a crush on from certain death, then his family thinks they are engaged. And she almost marries him when he wakes up, but has fallen in love with his brother- Bill Pullman- instead.)

Last Holiday (Queen Latifah thinks she is dying so spends all her life savings to go on a vacation where she charms everyone and eventually wins the love LL Cool J and, wait for it, doesn't die, but instead learns how to really live. *tears gushing*)

Sweet Home Alabama (Reese Witherspoon runs away from her small town life and husband, becomes famous and invents a whole new past but is forced to return home to get her divorce, but doesn't get a divorce because she still loves him and learns loves herself.)

Crossing Delancy (Amy Irving works in a book store and takes care of her bubbie. Her bubbie wants to set her up with a nice Jewish man, but he sells pickles and Amy really wants to be with this famous womanizing author... or does she? Hint: she doesn't. Also what woman doesn't want to be with a man who has unlimmeted ammounts of delicious pickles?!)

I have no idea why I am telling you about my dvds of shame. I'm not saying they're good. I'm just saying I like them.

Anyway, I also watched Miracles (which apparently aired on TV, though nobody bothered to tell me) starring Skeet Ulrich as a miracle investigator with the Catholic church who has a crisis of faith after an authentic miracle is ignored and goes to work for a private society investigating paranormal events.

I really wish America was ready for a show that says, "I know you enjoy thinking of God like a cross between Stanta Claus and your grandpa, but you know, having an omnipotent being paying too much attention to you is maybe scary." There is a reason that the phrase "God fearing" exists. It was a pretty interesting and complex show, and I am really sad that it was never allow to mature and complete the creepy storyline. The question being, is God "good" and how do you know when God is influencing you versus something "bad" influencing you. Since Miracles was canceled I will never find out.

What's cutier than a puppy?

Tom Hanks AND a puppy.

The Colbert Report	Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Tom Hanks Care Package
www.colbertnation.com
Colbert Report Full Episodes Political Humor Stephen Colbert in Iraq

This is what it is like to be me.

I should preface this story with a note:
I love throwing things away. LOVE it. I find it incredibly satisfying.

Yesterday I was rummaging around in my closet and found these nice gray slacks. Still fit, look good. So why don't I wear them? No idea.

So I wear them today... and hey, guess what, I don't wear them because when I sit and lean forward, they spontaneously unzip themselves. Which is undoubtedly why they were jammed way back in the recesses of my closet.

So. The you go. I will give away/donate dozens of nice clothes, but I can't get rid of the spontaneous nudity pants? I am a crazy person. Also, if my shirt wasn't tunic styled, everyone in the office would know about my striped undies!

In other news, I want, nay, NEED this. Or conversely need to spend less time on design blogs.

Thanks, internet!

My finds of the day:
1. Kind of interesting article about Guillermo del Toro on Wired. Includes a chart with numbers of pictures of unicorns denoting the level of liklihood of completion of the films he is currently attached to. (Yes, I ended that sentence in a preposition. That can be done. It is a stylistic choice. So, suck it, haters.)

2. SyFy (HATE typing that BS- Hey "SyFy" you should change your name to the Fake Reality Ghostbusting Network.) is making Alice in Wonderland mini series (keep your fingers crossed for steampunky goodness) along the lines of Tin Man (which I actually found virtually unwatchable but enjoy on the premise and design alone) starring all sorts of interesting sci-fi folks. Via Hollywood Reporter/io9. Does this mean I can simal-stalk Lt. Gaeta, Dr. Frank-n-Furter, and Connor from Primeval all at once in my next trip to BC to visit the parents? YES, yes it does. That seems like an appropriate mother daughter activity.

Also, this came up on my Google Reader this morning and I can't stop loving this guy's work. (Though it does very much take me back to my utz utz club dancing silly early 20's)

Exciting Footage if You're a Super-Nerd

Which I am. HD footage of the surface of the moon from Japan's KAGUYA Explorer.

This one is at about 7 miles up:


This one is at 13 miles:

RAWR!!!!

Starwars + Magnum, PI = Happy Quiana




For comparitive purposes, the side by side view of the actual Magnum, PI opening and Han Solo, PI:

Things on my "mind":

Fantastic 5-part article on Slate about animal testing and a dog at the center of the fight against animal cruelty. Interesting political story.

Where my interests intersect: space, the spirit of scientific discovery, and fashion. Via WWD.

My obsession with Jonathan Adler's designs is carried to the ultimate humiliation. Someone please prevent me from spending $70 on this butter dish. Jim, hide my wallet!!

So, someone is pulling a fast one on us, right?

Advanced Cat Yodeling.

This video changed my life. (If life=mood this afternoon.)

Canada Tire, You Shifty Bastard!

How Canada Tire unwittingly discovered how to manipulate consumers based on their purchase via NYT.

Interesting Aticle on the high cost of living below the Poverty Line

I keep trying explain why it the same sorts of expenses cost the poor more to people (particularly at work) and I think that this article does an excellent job.

Something to watch 3000 times in a row.

Very Serious NPR Interview

GACK!

Spider Resurrections Take Scientists by Surprise.

Jibber, jib, gack. ERLK. And then I DIED of sheer horror. Thanks a lot, National Geographic.

Jim, please take note that the accepted ways to kill spiders include:
SQUISH.
SQUASH.
and
SMOOSH.

I find a Crank 2 promotional coaster in combination with pitiful whimpering and frightened leaping/ panicked flailing works fine for spider elimination.

Just make'n conversation...

Oh noes!!!

You may remember the last time I posted this picture. Now it is lol'd. LOL'd indeed.

Ninja What?!!!

Good News!

Almost certainly going to still have a job through next August! Yay!

Happy Thoughts!

Today my coworkers were fretting about the economy. I told them to buck up. After the SwinePacolypse there will be so many new jobs for the survivors to take!

Don't forget to wash your hands!

Viva la Swine!

Dear "Pirate Captain",

I think you may not fully understand what pirating entails. You were probably excited about parrots, rum, and money. I understand that, I also like striped pants and saying "arg". But you may have gotten a romanticized view of pirating (did you see the Princess Bride?). You should blame the media for providing these liberal hippy-dippy portrayals of pirating as a professional career.

So let me set things straight for you. I am not going to sugar-coat this, pirating is dangerous work. For one thing, people will try to shoot you all the time. (This may be why pirating has gone out of fashion.) And I had not known this previously, but apparently pirating makes you get super self-righteous and confused.

When you kidnap a ship captain, hold him hostage for days and threaten to kill him, generally you don't get to call shenanigans when someone shoots your buddy. Now I don't make my living on the high seas, but I'm fairly certain that you set the level of discourse by showing up with a gun.

You say:

“Every country will be treated the way it treats us,” Abdullahi Lami, one of the pirates holding a Greek ship anchored in the pirate den of Gaan, a central Somali town, was quoted by The Associated Press as saying in a telephone interview. “In the future, America will be the one mourning and crying.”

It is a little late to be trying for the Golden Rule.

But here's the deal. You kidnap our guys and then in retaliation we'll just go to your town and kidnap some of your buddies. I think this is pretty reasonable.

Think about it, let us know.

Sincerely,
America

See!

... I'm not the only one shouting "Eye of the tiger, boys, eye of the tiger!" at small geeky boys holding LEGO robots.

Via Daily News:
Nerd Herd spurred on at cheering sendoff to represent city at international robot competition

FIRST Robotics, helping geeks meet cheerleaders since 1989.

More Styrofoam Chickens, Please!

1. I was Wil Wheaton's helper at the Emerald City Comicon last weekend, and I tried really hard not to a) humiliate myself, b) crowd him, c) say anything terrible to humiliate Jim.

I managed to not say, "Gee Wil, I saw you on Criminal Minds and I really bought that you were a rapist. Good on you!" OR "I had a HUGE crush on you as a little girl, but then I discovered Neil Patrick Harris, so I've moved on." So, let's tentatively consider this a success. We'll know for sure that I was not scary when Wil (hopefully) doesn't make a blog post about how he met this crazy chick. *fingers crossed*

2. The point of the story above: I met Wil Wheaton. (Note gloating.)

3. My car decided I should spend more time in Ballard instead of coming home tonight; I eventually showed the Merc who's boss, but it would be awesome if I didn't get laid off so that I could buy a new car. SIGH.

4. I'm looking for a new volunteer position to replace tutoring which will end in June. Anybody ever volunteered someplace that really rocked? Let me know.

5. Best sentence I read today:
"Since when did JoAnn Fabrics become the arbiter of MY morals? I'll go to church for that . . .and when I want styrofoam chickens I'll go to JoAnn's." [ZANG!]
From Jezebel's Jo-Ann Fabrics Refuses to Carry "Controversial" Issue of Quilter's Home Magazine.

Think Geek, do not tease me with things I want and cannot have:

Tauntaun Sleeping Bag.

3 more things:

Because you said you wanted more numbered lists.

1. The tutoring program I volunteer with is canceled because they can't afford to pay the only employee the 8 hours a week she needs to be paid to do her work.

I am tired of Washington State ducking its responsibility to fully fund education. It is garbage. I'm sad that our class sizes are too big for these kids to be served in the classroom and now I'm very sad that members of the community can't help after school.

BOOOOOOO!

2. I'm tired of people telling everyone not to get mad. Being mad is fine. So, for the record, I am mad. I helped my tutoring kid from failing to a B- this term and now she and other students will not recieve the extra help they need to meet the standards set by the US Government and the Washington Legislature.

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

3. Oh, and here is one more thing I'm mad about, anyone heard about the new law Karzai is trying to slip through in Afghanistan to appease conservatives (read jerks)?
From The Guardian:
The final document has not been published, but the law is believed to contain articles that rule women cannot leave the house without their husbands' permission, that they can only seek work, education or visit the doctor with their husbands' permission, and that they cannot refuse their husband sex.
...

Akbari said the law gave a woman the right to refuse sexual intercourse with her husband if she was unwell or had another reasonable "excuse". And he said a woman would not be obliged to remain in her house if an emergency forced her to leave without permission.

The international community has so far shied away from publicly questioning such a politically sensitive issue.

We put this guy in office and this is considered ok?

Hey Hillary, pay attention to this, I am watching what you do, and if this passes with no comment due to the "sensitive" nature of the situation you will officially be the biggest setback to women's rights.

When you "allow" a woman to excuse herself from sex if she has an "excuse" you reduce her personhood.

And I don't buy this sensitivity to foreign cultures BS. Telling me that it is culture to subjugate women is like saying it is culture to keep slaves. I'm pretty sure that if you ask a woman if she would like the right to not be raped, or to go where she pleases, nearly everytime the answer will be yes. This law is simply wrong and no arguement will convince me otherwise.

We should not let this constant war with religious extremeists bully us into keeping silent when something is wrong. If you set up a pupet government you'd better have both hands on the strings.

Anyone have $50,000 I could borrow?

Tesla's Model S is up for pre-order.

3 interesting links:

Article debunking popular belief that lobsters and crabs don't feel pain at Discovery. This makes a lot of sense to me because animals have nervous systems to alert them to danger and injury. I've always that that no pain idea was whoey.

Interesting exploration on the politics of gender and sexually transmitted disease over at Jezebel. When Gardasil was marketed to girls, people worried that girls would become "promiscuous", but when it is marketed to boys the major challenges to efficacy and safety. After all why would the parents of strapping boys want to protect the girls, or, heaven forbid, boys with whom they will someday have sex?

A very sad essay about a mother of her violent autistic son is up at Salon and is well worth a read. There is so much about the human mind that we don't know. This mother has no idea as to why specifically he has become so violent, whether his autism is a cause or a contributing factor, or perhaps even only tenuously related. I feel very sorry for her.

Thinking is hard...

In an interesting post about the backlash against the London Police's new terrorism awareness (that phrase seems weird to me) campaign on boingboing I noticed that one of the chosen parodies fell into one of my pet peeves.

Saying silly things. See:












"The police have failed to stop 100% of bombs that have exploded."

Well, that is true. But they have stopped 100% of the ones that they stopped.

SIGH.

This is exactly the same as when I lose something at work and someone says "Well, it's always in the last place you look." Of course it is. Because I've found it, thus am no longer looking. Maybe what they want to say is that it is in a weird place where you wouldn't look.

I also don't believe in CCTV, ridiculous scare tactics, etc., but when you parody it is important that you are more clever than the designer of the original poster. The point of the original poster is that a terrorist can strike anywhere, which I felt was handily supported by the parody.

In the end, all this parody said to me is that the creator thinks that before the War in Iraq they didn't have a terrorist problem. (HA HA HA HA HA HA.) Also they think that there is no way to stop terrorist attacks, so why give the police crap about not stopping terrorist attacks?

I guess my point here is that people are silly. (Nice conclusion, self.)

I think I need this hankie.

Via DesignGlut.

A few things...

1. I am very intrigued by the Space Bat hoopla. Here is NASA's official release.
Here is a tribute:



2. Today at work I asked my coworkers if it is always like this, one damn thing after another. You see, I graduated from college shortly after September 11th and I had always assumed that this is simply how things always are. My colleagues assured me that no, things have really just been truly shitty for the entirety of my adult life.

Bully.

At the start of the year I made this promise to myself that things would be better this year. And they aren't. I haven't been a better friend or daughter. I have only been a better worker by necessity. I haven't been happier, despite an appalling amount of effort in this regard. In fact, I really feel that I have bitched more in the last three months than the last ten years combined.

But maybe it isn't because I'm not trying hard enough. Maybe it is just that things are sucking a bit. So here it is:
I hereby officially acknowledge that things SUCK right now- and that it is ok, because I am here to facilitate the awesome. I will not be discouraged by the sucking. I am redoubling my efforts to be awesome. Things are going to get better through my SHEER FORCE OF WILL.

Do not worry. Things can always get worse. And fuck it, once you hit the bottom, there is no place to go but up.

If you need assistance with locating awesome, you know where to find me. If the economy has you whipped and crying, I am here and I HAVE COOKIES. If you're laid off and lonely, I have cable and a couch.

So, consider yourself on notice, Universe. Things have been worse, things will get better, and no matter what you do, universe, I will be lurking to Pollyanna the ever living hell right out of you.


3. Did you know that fish and submarines control their buoyancy in the same way? Now I know this because one of my fish is lethargically lounging on the bottom and swimming frantically, while gasping pitifully then sinks like a rock.
I went to the good pet store in Kirkland and inquired as to whether he needed a little fishy Xanax or something and guy told me that Steve (the fish) has a swim bladder problem and to buy my fish shrimp and feed them cooked peas. So now my fish ($10 for all four) are being fed shrimp and peas (over $10), like they are at the fucking Red Lobster.
In other news, normal families can't afford shrimp and peas, so those mopey little bastards better cross their fins that I don't get RIF'd or the gravy train is not coming to Fishville anymore.

It's Canadian week at Mr. & Ms. Pepperoni Pizza's!