How To Fight Monkeys
(There is an ex-boyfriend joke in there somewhere... I just need to find it.)
An instructional guide on how to protect yourself from the attacks of Nature's Favorite Poo Throwing Henchmen via Slate.
A Quiana created summary of the advice:
Advice the first:
"If you are holding a snack, throw it in their direction, and they'll stop bothering you."
This will also work with angry Quianas.
Advice the second:
"To diffuse the situation, don't make eye contact or smile with your teeth showing—in the nonhuman primate world, these are almost always signs of aggression."
This can also be true in the human dating world.
Advice the third:
"Form an "O" with your mouth, lean toward them with your body and head, and raise your eyebrows. "
This will also work in the human world.
Advice the fourth:
"Female victims might seek protection in a group of men, since monkeys are somewhat afraid of males."
Possibly because they leave the toilet seat up. Even monkeys don't like chilly surprises in the middle of the night.