Tuesday, December 26, 2006

Cat Anuses & The Lies Men Tell

Two early morning thoughts:

1. Why have we not bred cats with butt cheeks? When petting a cat, it will always make sure to place its anus directly in your face. When wearing a beige sweater, it will place its anus on your sweater. Cats like you to view their anuses the way Britney Spears likes you to view her hooha.

2. With a universe of lies to tell, men almost always pick the crappy ones. This is why we need a female president. Example of a terrible lie, this t-shirt:

Nobody with a penis liked The Notebook. Penises and The Notebook are utterly incompatible- it is simply not scientifically possible. In fact 9 out of 10 chimpanzees who were forced to watch The Notebook ripped off their own penises just to have something better to do with their time. The 10th chimpanzee was female and cried silently wishing that a love story that beautiful could ever happen to her. Then she threw some poo and had a banana.

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