Actual transcript of conversation at work:
Coworker: How do you run Report X?
Me: You hit a button that requires higher privileges than you have.
Coworker: No, but how do I run it?
Me: You click this button, but you don’t have the button.
Coworker: I don’t think you get what I’m saying.
In other office news:
A while ago my “Psycho Client” (who writes exciting single spaced, multi-paged, rambling hate letters incorporating such words and phrases as ‘bungling’, ‘bloated’, ‘silk-lined pockets’, and numerous other hilarious phrases which would give away too much about my job for me to be comfortable with) broke a nondisclosure agreement and I ratted him out to legal, like the stool pigeon I am.
Yesterday he comes in and is bellowing for the receptionist to get him a copy of the NDA. So I bring a copy down to him and now I am super-excited that maybe we’re suing him. Another branch of my office has actually filed an injunction against him, so if we sued him, that might scare him off and I won’t worry about him cutting my break lines.