Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Dear Latte Lady,

Every time I order my latte you ask me how many pumps go into it. Every time I say, “I have no idea.” Then you roll your eyes.

Latte Lady, I hope that you are having eye spasms because you better not be mad that I don’t know how to make a latte. I also don’t understand cricket; luckily it is not my JOB to know cricket from pickle ball. I do not ask you how to manage relational databases then roll my eyes when you don’t know, so keep those eyes straight ahead and learn how many pumps go in a 16 oz white chocolate mocha.

This morning when the 40 cups of drip that I had ordered for my meeting did not arrive, and I asked you about it and you said that I should have reminded you about it yesterday; then I did not lunge across the counter and throttle you. I did not tell you that it is not my job to remind you to do your job. I did not tell your boss. I did not pee on your car.

But I wanted to.

Just not today. For today I have bestowed mercy upon you, Undeserving Eye-Rolling Latte Lady Who is Not Good at Making Lattes, because it is Wednesday. And today will be good- I decided this in advance. Today I am bringing cake to The Comic Stop to celebrate Wednesday-ness in all it’s glory. But if you fuck with me tomorrow, I will cut you.

Happy Wednesday,



Girl Friday said...

Dammit, I missed cake! And now George's gonna eat it all! Dammit George! And we drink the same drink. I also do not know how many pumps go into it.

I don't know how to manage relational, either.

But I do know how to eat cake. George, though, is a faster caker eater than me or just perhaps a quicker caker picker upper.

And we could let Bug pee on her car--just sayin', he's raring at the bit for this whole World Toilet concept.

You're more patient than I am, I would've fucked her life up today. And enjoyed it.

(this really, really long comment has been brought to you by two cups of coffee after six pm. Apologies will arrive tomorrow when I sober up.)

Elwood said...

Is this a chain coffee shop, or one of the many independent latte shacks? Anyone at Starbucks or Tullys - unless they're brand-spanking-new, shouldn't have to ask.

It's 4 pumps, btw. I only know that because I've watched the baristas make them enough times. I'm not always just staring at their asses.

Also, I have at least 2 leg-lifters I can bring around to pee on her car, if it comes to that.

Back Nine said...

My blog is all screwed up and my dog peed on the rug and I would really, really like somebody to be detestable to. Where be this Latte Lady?

qtilla said...

How come you all have efficient ways to pee on cars and I do not?

This is a major oversight.

Back Nine- I just checked your blog! Sad panda. I'm sure that someone will get you all patched up soon. In the meantime though, you should just make a blogger site. It is quite easy. Or make arrangements to guest blog! That might be fun.

Ferretnick said...

You should've thrown out a random number... like 47... just to see what she said.
Then you could be all like "What? You asked me how many and I told you" about it.

Yummy cake by the way. Too bad some of you missed it.

Speaking of cake;
Q, if you're really interested in a 'private lesson' in cake decorating, my mom said she'd be up for it. Contact me and I'll put you in touch with her so it can happen.

Girl Friday said...

Cake Update-Oh no.
In the morning, it was stale.
Left out. Taunting me.

Really, mocking me
With its beautiful cakeness
Stupid, stupid cake

Brought to today by A Stuffed Nose and Allergy Medicine.

Brian Meredith said...

I missed the cake, but got cookies instead on Saturday night...

Yay for Q!