Thursday, January 10, 2008

Like hell, but chilly and with terrible lighting

A new phone system was installed at work and now we have holding music. It is New Age music with synthesized drums, bells, and keyboards.

I am on hold; it is hurting my brain.

When I’m on hold I expect Celine Dion or Michael Bolton. This will shock you all, but I would welcome a little My Heart Will Go On. I’ve been on hold 3 minutes and there is no sign that this music will ever end. Perhaps it is one of those endless loop songs. For hippies.

Oh God. I think it is a loop. It has been 6 minutes. My brain is melting out my ears and I am dying. This is a terrible thing to do to a person.

Do dooby dooby doo. Do dooby dooby doooooooooooo.

This music probably originated in Guantanamo.

Years from now when we release our POW’s they will go back to Afghanistan and all they will be able to say is “Do dooby dooby doo. Do dooby dooby dooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.” Then there will be the trial at the Hague, with charges against the president for crimes against humanity. And there will be great snacks. Because Europe is fancy. And then his punishment will be 8 minutes on hold with this song.

God, it has been 10 minutes. Oh here she is! I’m off hold! Just in time, I was about to cut off my ears.

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