New SAT Section: Japanese Men :: Sex -As- K-Fed :: Talent

Well, there's your problem right there

Thu Jun 22, 6:44 AM ET

TOKYO (Reuters) - More sex.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

That's what one expert says is needed to solve Japan's baby shortage.

.

"Japanese people simply aren't having sex," Dr. Kunio Kitamura, director of the Japan Family Planning Association, was quoted as saying by the Japan Times, an English language daily.

.

An association survey of 936 people between the ages of 16 and 49 showed 31 percent had

not had sex for more than a month "for no particular reason" -- a condition known as "sexless."

.

"As much as subsidies and welfare programs are important, sexlessness is also a critical issue in this problem."

.

Japan's fertility rate -- the average number of children a woman bears in her lifetime -- fell to an all-time low of 1.25 last year. Demographers say a rate of 2.1 is needed to keep a population from declining.

.

Japan came last among 41 nations in a poll last year by condom manufacturer Durex, with lovers there having sex just 45 times a year compared to a global average of 103 times a year.

.

Kitamura said that while many men in workaholic Japan are simply too "stressed out" from their jobs to have enough energy for sex, many other couples simply do not have sex regularly.

.

In the association's survey, 44 percent of the people who said they weren't having much sex felt that having a relationship with the opposite sex was "very tiresome" or "tiresome."

.

Kitamura's advice? Couples should talk to each other.

.

"Ultimately, it's these interactions with the opposite sex that bring out the inevitable animal instinct in us -- to reproduce," he said.

.

Wait so you mean that in order to have babies you have to have sex? What an interesting conclusion. I don’t know how much Dr. Kitamura makes a year, but I would be willing to give the Japanese government the same quality of sage advice based upon solid scientific reasoning for a mere 98% of what they pay him. However, unlike Dr. Kitamura and every other man in Japan I will not take my pay in tentacle porn and DDR tokens.

.

The fact that the Japanese men’s team has consistently taken the Gold, Silver, and Bronze Metals in the International Wank Olympics didn’t tip anyone off that sex is not being had in the land of the rising sun?

.

Now before we get carried away, let me clarify that in a country that sells fake (life-like gummy) vaginas and used ladies underwear in vending machines on the street next to machines that sell soda, beer, and Pocky (ha! Pocky and Pokey) people are not interested in having sex- with other people?

.

You mean between free porn on non-cable tv 24 hours a day and basically legal prostitution, men are not copulating with their non-existent wives? Why should a dude who works all the time, has never been properly socialized towards women, who could purchase a fake snoush and come home on a Sunday morning and catch some porn on network TV possibly have a girlfriend? Kitamura's advice is to talk. The reason these men are having sex with the equivilent of a jello mold is to avoid talking with women. I tell you, once they get better VR technology our species will entirely die off between lazy men and the women who don’t want to have sex with men who are having sex with vending machine purchases while watching school girls with abnormally large socks be anally violated by various fairy tale creatures.