Ask a silly question....

Today a 5th grade teacher called me with a question of great pedagogical importance:

“Is Sabertooth Nightcrawler's dad?”

Well, Mystique is his mom; which technically makes Rogue his adoptive sister.

Now, as I’m sure you all know, Nightcrawler’s father was actually some sort of Demon-like creature whose race was vanquished by some kind of Angel-like creature. And, interestingly Nocturne, Nightcrawler’s daughter is his child with the Scarlet Witch, who, everyone knows, is Magneto’s daughter. Furthermore, Scarlet Witch actually married Vision who was android-ish person created using parts the original Human Torch and Wonder Man’s brainwaves. (Which obviously makes him Sue Richard’s brother.) Which is particularly interesting because Franklin Richards (Sue and Reed’s son – Fanstastic Four) broke apart Scarlet Witch and Vision’s twins, his cousins, Thomas and Billy (who interestingly, is gay) only to find that they were actually the soul fragments of the demon Mephisto. Mephisto, I’m sure you recall, is the one that imprisoned Victor von Doom’s mother.

Where was I?

Oh yes, Sabertooth and Mystique had a child named Graydon Creed, who had no powers and turned out to be a rather bad egg- no doubt in part due to being abandoned as a child. Creed grew up to be a rather Nazi-like politician who actually ran for president on an anti-mutant platform. Interestingly, Mystique shot him- apparently in retaliation for his part in the murder of Destiny’s grandson. Destiny was Mystique’s lesbian lover. Destiny was killed by Legion, who is Charles Xavier’s son. (Which makes Charles Xavier’s brother, Juggernaut, his uncle.)

Now, intriguingly (as noted by Steve at the movies last week) Juggernaut isn’t a mutant but instead gets his powers from the Ruby of Cyttorak, which he and Charles discovered as soldiers in the Korean War. Now, Juggernaut actually lost some of his Juggernaut-ness when he battled Cyttorak, but later joined the X-Men after reconciling with Charles after years of feuding. Juggernaut and Nocturne infiltrated the Brotherhood of Mutants sometime thereafter, and were sent to Mojoworld, but escaped. Nocturne, like her father, Nightcrawler, can write with her toes. But hell, I can do that.

So in short, no.