Saturday, August 09, 2008

Things I Don't Understand: Bumper Stickers

Hey guess what ass-nuggets: I do not believe that your other ride is my mom. And I simply do not care if it is a Harley, but thanks for that superfluous factoid about your interest in having sex with my 50 year old mother and/or your possession of other cooler vehicles.

I do not understand bumper stickers. What am I supposed to say?
Oh I get it, there is a seal and a fetus on that sticker and it says, "One of these is protected. " Now I see! Killing unborn babies is just as bad as killing seals. I will change my ways and vote "pro-life". Thank you for showing me the error of my ways. Perhaps there are other opinions of mine that you can adjust with a 2 dollar sticker. Please help me. You are so smart. And also kind of sexy RAAAAAAAAWR.

Furthermore, I do not care how carpenters do it, where you take yoga, or if your kid is an honor student. And hey, could you tell me more personal information about your children, such as their names and where they sleep? Just, you know, curious.

Oh and thanks for telling me who to vote for. If I hadn't seen that sticker on your Honda I would not have known who is running for president. That sure is a pretty sticker. I think I will change my vote.

PS- Jesus also thanks you for adhering a fish to the back of your vehicle so that every time you drive like the ass-clown you are, He gets blamed.

If you can read this get off my ass. SO CLASSY. If you have one of these stickers and also a penis, call me!! RAWR!!


anonymous drew said...

My personal favorite bumper sticker is...

"Jesus would have used his turn signal."

Also, I do like accidental name from my last comment: anonymous drew.

I will try it on for size for a while yet.

Ferretnick said...

I agree TOTALLY about the fish sticker.
It pisses me off to see somebody with one of them on the back of their car and driving around like every other moron.
You'd think they'd act a little more... Jesus-like.
(I don't think HE'D be cutting me off and flipping me the bird afterwards)

Dr. Zoltar said...

A guy I knew in college put a Jesus fish on his car in an attempt to have cops go lenient on him when he sped. Usually if I see a Jesus fish on a car and the driver is over 30 it means “I’m a slow and careless driver.” I have a Cthulhu fish sticker on my car because if I’m going to believe in a god, I’d rather have it be one that eats bad drivers.

I also love those people who have "protect our troops" ribbons or American flag stickers on their cars, but don’t care enough to take them off when they loose their color. Nothing says I’m a proud American than an American flag in pink, white, and faded purple.

qtilla said...

A God that eats bad drivers eh? I'm not looking to switch teams, but that is terribly tempting.

Do you have good snacks?

Dr. Zoltar said...

No, but you get one of these free when you join my religion:

And a nice robe and dagger.

qtilla said...