Tuesday, July 19, 2005

Good morning Starshine, The Earth says, "Hello."

Went to see Charlie and the Chocolate Factory with my friend Loren last night. The movie was excellent. Though my favorite part was the coming attractions- not that the creators of the offending movie trailer deserved any credit for it. The movie trailer was for Must Love Dogs, another romantic comedy in the tradition of… well I can’t remember any of their titles, since they blew, but rest assured if you watched anything with Kate Hudson, John Cusack, or Meg Ryan from the past 10 years, this will be the same, but with dogs. In fact it uses that same Natalie Cole song, This Will Be (an Everlasting Love) that has been used in at least 3 movies I can think of off the top of my head (Parent Trap, Charlie’s Angels, While You Were Sleeping).

Anyway, the trailer opens up with a single lady in her mid-late 30’s at the butcher shop….

Lady: One chicken breast please.
Butcher: You know they are much cheaper if you buy two.
Lady: I am pathetic and single and don’t want excess meat loitering around my fridge reminding me of my pitiful lonely life. I have a career, good friends, and interesting hobbies, but without a man I am nothing. (Fit of Hysteria) I just wish I had a sister/female friend/plot device to alleviate this….
Butcher: I’d pork ya. (ok, that wasn’t in the trailer- but that would have actually been funny.)

New montage of the sister/friend/plot device putting the lady on the internet and the lady getting mad action—action from men who apparently love dogs. Including John Cusack who, wait for it, doesn’t have a dog. But who cares about the “plot,” let’s get to the funny part. So the last scene of the trailer shows the s/f/p popping over to the lady’s house to drop off meat and yelling to the lady from the kitchen, wait for it, without knowing John Cusack is there….

S/F/P: Lady, I brought over extra meat for you to share with all of your new men.
S/F/P comes out of kitchen inexplicably holding the packs of meat. Sees John Cusack and freezes in fright. (No, he really isn’t aging well, is he?)
John Cusack: Can I have my meat now?
Lady Behind Me in the Movie Theater: Cause I’ll be giving you the meat later.

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