Funny things for boring people.

Hey, that video totally reminds me of that one time Drew tried to pick up a chick and she told him that she'd cut him. Hahahahahaha that was hilarious, right Drew? What, no?

Well, what about the time Drew text messaged Steve to ask about the relative seriousness of anal bleeding? Surely, that was hilarious!

B is for Beer, that's good enough for me.

Not the most disturbing thing on Japanese TV, and yet....

Pandas are bastards.

World's only human bred panda in wild dies.


Xiang Xiang was found dead in February on snow-covered ground after apparently being mauled by wild male pandas protecting their territory, the official Xinhua news agency said.


Pandas never seem to be in the mood, so what do they care if a new panda shows up?
It's like carrying a box of Twinkies around and bitch slapping anyone who asks for one. It's not like anyone actually eats Twinkies, right?
Right?

News of the Day

USA: "Go to hell, Earth."
The US rejects (another) plan to reduce global pollution. Why? Because we can. And also because we are assholes.

2nd Amendment Fucks Wendy's Manager.
US resistance to gun control results in (condiment related) gun violence.

Japan Still Giving it to Chinese Civilians After All These Years.
64 year old bullet removed from a Chinese woman's head.

Weekend Update

Sorry about the lack of blogness yesterday, I was busy.
The long weekend went quite well. Friday I went with my cousins Sean and Melanie to see Pirates 3. It was pretty much as expected. It was surprisingly visually interesting, not just effect-wise. I just have a hard time with Orlando Bloom/his character in pirates and could not help but laugh when appeared on screen as a pirate badass. I was not alone.

Saturday, I helped Ron and Czabrina move into their lovely new condo. And that evening I attended Addy's birthday party. I stuffed myself silly on home-made pizza and other yummy snacks.

Sunday, I went to see the newly built Seattle Art Museum with my Auntie and Uncle. SAM was really nice. It's almost as though Seattle is a real city. I did notice that everyone there was in their Seattle uniforms, fleece zip-ups from North Face or REI with jeans and comfortable shoes. Some things can't be changed. I kind of like the Seattle mentality of always being ready to hit the trail. After that we had a family Pounce (head to head solitaire) competition.

Monday, the family went on a hike to Heather Lake (pictures to be posted if I feel like it). It was a great hike and the snowy lake was a nice payoff for the muddy trek.

A five monkey Memorial Day Weekend.

Catty Parting Shots

From the end of the NY Times review of Pirates 3.

“Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End” is rated PG-13 (Parents strongly cautioned). It has scary battles, scary monsters and even scarier rock musicians.

I was going to disagree, but on the NY Times website I took the following screen capture:

If that wasn't intentional I'll eat my fictitious hat.

Viva Holiday Weekend

I hope you all have exciting plans for your weekend. I have an action packed weekend replete with pirates, birthdays, hiking, and a trip to the new Seattle Art Museum.

I will of course carry on my Saturday tradition of Bacon and Cartoons. (For those of you who are slow, this is when I wake up early on Saturdays and make a full breakfast while I watch cartoons.)

It may not surprise you to know that I have this weird thing about one cartoon in particular. This cartoon is Viva Pinata. On this show, there are these pinatas on this island who do mating dances and eat candy. There are all kinds of colorful food-themed animals and (for the most part) they strive to eat enough candy to be sent to a children's party where they are beaten and then sent back. Some of them don't like to go to parties and be hit by sticks (see the creature on the far right with the enormous butt - which is called a 'fudge-hog') thus there are high jinks. There is also a bad guy who is human and wears a Mexican wrestling outfit and graduation hat who tries to steal their candy.

Viva Pinata comes on at 8:30 and 9:30 (right before Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Fast Forward) and I am compelled to watch it. But I hate it. It is weird and grotesque and often a little too adult for its intended audience.

I can't stop watching it though. It is utterly inexplicable.

More Thoughts on Arachnid Voyeurism

I suddenly realized today that spiders have like 8 eyes and I have 2 breasts, which means that spiders think that I have 16 breasts.
Good times.
Really good times.

I will not steal content, I will not steal content. I will not steal content....

Ok, maybe just a little...

Bacon is patient, bacon is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Bacon does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Bacon never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.

Check out Six Degrees of Bacon. You will love it.

Just another teaser:

Movies!

The Alien Saga

This was a very interesting documentary about the Alien movie franchise. I particularly enjoyed the portion where everyone connected to the Alien films mentioned what a terrible idea Alien vs. Predator would be for a film. Sorry guys!

4 monkeys.

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Seducing Dr. Lewis

A French-Canadian film about a small former fishing village luring a doctor to their town by any means necessary.

Quite cute. 3 monkeys.

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Letters From Iwo Jima

The stories of Japanese soldiers who unsuccessfully defended the island of Iwo Jima. Now, I will occasionally comment that something made me misty. This movie made me cry. Flat out cry. It was ten times better than Flags of Our Fathers. It was beautifully scored, well acted, and incredibly moving.

5 monkeys.

Painfully Adorable

I have taken to watching the most lame channel on the planet: Animal Planet. And apparently every week they show an animal-centric movie.

Last week's was Stuart Little. I started to watch this against my will and was so mesmerized that I could not manage to change the channel.

This was the most ridiculously cute thing I have ever seen in my life.

I'm not much for family friendly film, but I highly recommend watching this.

God, even the above picture is vommitously cute.

Five adorable monkeys.

Best Week Ever Salutes Men About Which I Would Say: "Hubba Hubba"

Addendum

Original List



Don't I have anything better to do than post lists of hot nerds?
Not really.

Terminators Everywhere!

So there will be a T4, and I was having some mixed feelings about this. According to rumor it will show John battling the robots after the intitial takeover (which we witnessed in T3).

Additionally, they are developing a TV series about Sarah Connor's fight to protect John in his childhood. MahaQuiana who knows all, predicts that this will blow. That being said, I will probably still watch it, because as you all know, I am a complete idiot.

Interestingly, IMDB is floating a rumor that Eddie Furlong may come back in the role of John in T4. Yup, I can totally see it....

Photo courtesy of d. prince.

Tom Selleck Party!

I am a big Tom Selleck fan and a big mystery fan, so I'm pretty excited for the made for TV movie, Jesse Stone: Sea Change, which airs on CBS tonight. I guess there have been several Jesse Stone movies, but I have not been able to catch one yet. Tonight is the night!

So, anyone who wants to come over and have a Tom Selleck party at my house tonight, come on over!

Chicken Fried Bacon

Courtesy of Jim...


Totally safe for work. Very unsafe for your heart.

In my country, a lab-partnership is a sacred trust.

This weekend I almost caught my apartment on fire with my pants.
This is much more exciting sounding than it is actually exciting; however, I think that when the words pants and fire are involved, there is explaining to be done.
There I was dusting my apartment Saturday evening as I brushed past a dresser, upon which was a lit oil warmer and a few lit candles, a knob (I just wrote knob!!) caught in one of those irritatingly stylish holes with which jeans are festooned these days. The jeans tore both horizontally and vertically as I scrambled to both grab candles and keep the dresser upright.

In terms of fire related injuries, this is not my most humiliating. In junior high I was lab-partnered with a gentleman named Brandon. Brandon was generally incompetent, but this didn’t matter as I was only interested in my perfectly formed side-swept bangs. Well, it didn’t matter until one day when Brandon left our lab-station seeking me for help lighting our Bunson burner. Irritated, I stormed back to our station and I said, “You just squeeze the sparker,” and with that I struck the sparker and an enormous ball of flame erupted from my hand. Brandon had left the gas on for several minutes as he tried to light the burner with his inarticulate man-boy paws. My perfectly sculpted bangs and parts of my arm hair and eyebrows went up in a poof of foul smelling smoke which combined with the odors of our burning notebooks and textbooks tripping the fire alarm. Our young teacher ran forth with a fire blanket and as she saved us all from baking to death in our cinderblock building I touched the crinkled remains of my hair and it fell like dead leaves.

Action News Atlanta just didn't get it.

Family's Punching Bag Holds Smelly Surprise: Man Says Bag Filled With Underwear
The short of this article is that a family ordered a punching bag and found, much to their surpirse that it was filled entirely with underwear, mostly dirty. "(There were) bras, thongs and bathing suits. We could not believe there were clothes inside instead of sand,"

In Japan this punching bag would be worth like three trillion yen.

Amusing exerpt:
The representative told him that the underwear in the bag was a "quality problem" that they were dealing with, and that the people who had made the decision to put underwear in the bags had been fired.

But why?! Why, Action News Atlanta???!! Why would they use dirty undies instead of sand!? Where does one buy enough dirty undies to fill multiple punching bags, the dirty underwear depot??!

I'm just so dissappointed in you, Action News Atlanta. Way to drop the ball.

Thoughts which pop into my stupid brain.

List of Nude Appropriate places:
Bed
Shower
Hospital
Bath House
Massage Parlor
Oval Office

The Escape is a cross-dressing Taurus.
Last night I heard an add for the Ford Escape, billed as: mileage of a sedan, fun of an SUV. What they actually mean is giant plastic SUV shell on a granny sedan chassis.

David Bowie's Manga Package
An embarrassing fact about me is that I read Tough Pigs, a muppet fan site. A more embarrassing fact is that I read yesterday that there is a Labyrinth sequel manga in existence and all I could think about is David Bowie's Manga Package. Now remember David Bowie's package in the film, then imagine it manga-ized. From now on all of my package related speculation/conversation will be comparisons to David Bowie's Manga Package.

I tried for a long time (ok, two minutes, till I got bored) to find a picture of David Bowie's Manga Package. Alas nothing. Then I looked for a picture of David Bowie's Package from the original Labyrinth and couldn't find anything good.

So here is the best picture of David Bowie's Original Labyrinth Package.

Are you looking at me?

This morning as I steeped from the curb in front of my house I heard a strange noise.
taptaptap
I looked behind me and there on my neighbor’s roof was a crow pecking at the metal flashing on their roof. I watched him for a minute as I walked and then began pondering something else.
There was a whoosh a few inches from my head as the crow swept past landing on the house to my right.
Man, that crow almost hit me, I thought unsuspectingly.
Then it swooped past me the other direction, actually touching my hair.
Oh shit, I thought as I started to run towards my car.
I got around the corner and half a block up and slowed to a walk. I was just thinking about how weird it is for a crow to attack you from across the street when I felt it beat past me again.
"Ahhhhh! Fuck! Go away!" I squeaked, running the rest of the way and diving into my car.

That crow better not be waiting for me when I get back or I'm gonna... move.
Now, what does one do about an aggressive crow? I live across the street from one of the most popular parks in Seattle; this cannot be good.

Quiana is super-boring.

Above you will find Cthulhu Seagull.

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Some thoughts:

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I hate nice summery days because that means there will be no parking in my neighborhood. Thanks, stupid lake!

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I would like a Dr. Who cookie jar. I have been thinking about this a lot. A LOT. This is precisely why I need a bigger kitchen.

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I think when I move I want acutal decor. Like a real grown lady person, who just happens to own a Dr. Who cookie jar.

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I have a shower curtain which has a map of the world printed on it. What I need is a shower curtain with little flaps over the names of the countries so I can quiz myself. We can call it Potty Quiz. Hey everyone come to Quiana's, it's Potty Quiz Night! Hooray!

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I'm thinking of going to the Tri-Cities for Memorial Day weekend. Someone should talk me out of this.

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Ants have invaded my kitchen (via messy neighbor's kitchen) and cannot be gotten rid of. They are just wandering aimlessly across my floor. There is no food for them so they just do a few laps and wander off, but I am not down with things with more than four legs. This can be expressed with the following formula: >4 legs= inarticulate shoe flailing.

So tonight I will buy Raid and use toxic chemicals to obliterate their Alzheimer's-esque wanderings.

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I have a very important final interview at my Ballardian Fantasy potential workplace tomorrow. You should hope I don't say something weird, like nipples. On a non-nipular note, I only have one suit and have now interviewed there approximately 3 billion times, do you think that it is noticeable?

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Sorry about all the re-posting and forced spacing. Blogger is all jacked up again.