Are you under 27? Do you own a uterus?

There is now a vaccine to prevent HPV (Human Papilloma Virus) in young women.
HPV is very common and can be very serious. HPV causes cervical cancer, vaginal and vulval lesions, and genital warts.
You cannot get HPV from the vaccine and the only possible side effects involve fever or allergic reaction. It is a series of 3 shots. You need to be under 27 years of age. If you have insurance, it should be free.
Nobody likes shots, but I'm guessing that 3 shots is a bit less uncomfortable than cancer, lesions on your hoohaw, or genital warts.
Gardasil. Ask your doctor.

I enjoy being a girl.

Having fasted for 15 hours, peed in a cup, endured a cholesterol pinprick, hearing my weight, having 2 shots, and the removal of 5 vials of blood, calling me a wuss during my pap, was a bit much for me.

Let me ask you, Lady Doctor, do they make a larger set of cooch attacking hardware? Do they also make them colder? That would be great.

No amount of relaxing, is going to make this less awkward. I don’t really like strangers tinkering with my lady machinery. Least of all 55 year old women with giant forceps (is that what you call those?). I assure you that no penis is quite that large-- not that I’m taking an international survey. I promise my lady bits are most unfamiliar with being peered and prodded at anxiously by cold metal probe wielding strangers (in spite of my serial dating) and women (even though I did go to Bryn Mawr).

Yes, Lady Doctor, I do recognize that my snoosh could probably fit, oh say, a guinea pig and a junior league soccer ball. However, I am not about to join the Rodent Junior Athletics League. Your kind suggestion that perhaps I should put more things up there more often will be carefully considered before rejection. I am not suffering from a psychological problem having to do with being touched in the crotchal region. I am just 4 days away from my waxing appointment and shy about strangers fussing about in my stuff. I am certainly not used to having bachellorette party prop size tongs in my cooter.

So once a year I get to be a pansy as long as it involves giant metal tongs, strangers, and my hoohaw. And you will just have to live with it.

Thanks,

q.

I think the important thing is that when men fight they always rip off their shirts, right?

Actors see red on 'Grey's Anatomy' set
By SANDY COHEN, AP Entertainment Writer Wed Oct 11, 10:54 PM ET

LOS ANGELES - Doctor doctor, give us the news. But ABC is staying mum about the reported on-set scuffle between the actors portraying Dr. McDreamy and Dr. Burke on TV's top-rated "Grey's Anatomy."

An argument between Isaiah Washington and Patrick Dempsey got physical and led to a temporary pause in production, the New York Daily News reported in its Wednesday editions.

The actors shared a heated exchange Monday about cast members delaying a scene when Washington, 43, grabbed Dempsey, 40, by the throat and shoved him, according to the newspaper.

Representatives for the actors said the two have made amends.

"Differences are inevitable," Washington's publicist, Cynthia Snyder, said in a statement. "They were aired, resolved and everyone has moved on."

Dempsey's spokeswoman echoed that sentiment: "There was an argument on set. In any close-knit family, sometimes people argue. But everybody made up and went back to work."

On-set arguments are common, said TV historian Tim Brooks, co-author of "The Complete Directory to Prime Time Network and Cable TV Shows."

"Diva-like conduct is certainly not unusual," he said. "You have a lot of egos there, and you have a lot of creative people who think they're more creative than the other."

"Moonlighting," which aired from 1985 to 1989, was famous for its fighting on set, Brooks said. More recently, rumors of on-set animosity dogged ABC's "Desperate Housewives" and The WB's "Charmed."

But physical violence "is pretty unusual," he said, adding that anything that harms an actor's appearance could affect their work.

"Dr. McDreamy needs his cheekbones," Brooks said. "Real violence can lead to fictional violence that can end your job."

Now in its third season, "Grey's Anatomy" has been the No. 1 show in the Nielsen ratings for two of the new season's three weeks. The romantic medical drama centers on the personal and professional lives of surgeons and interns at the fictional Seattle Grace hospital. Besides Dempsey and Washington, the show stars Sandra Oh, Katherine Heigl and Ellen Pompeo.

The show earned 11 Emmy nominations this year, including one for best drama, and won the prize for outstanding casting. It was also nominated for three Golden Globe awards and Oh won for best supporting actress.

Oh silly boys! No need to fight over me, there is plenty to go around. I have been running a small survey regarding which is cuter, Isaiah Washington or Patrick Dempsey. I didn't mean for it to go so far. Seriously though, I can't imagine this happening in the workplace. "No, the TPS reports will go out Monday!" Quiana screeched leaping across the cubical to grab Gargoyle Toes by the neck and shoving her through a mysteriously convenient pane of glass.

A break from North Korea

Don't ask me, I just typed 'waffle' into Google Images.

Good times, good times.

Quit pestering us!

NY Times article on the Korean response to possible UN sanctions. I can't find actual text of this one anywhere!

Headlines from state run North Korean news:

DPRK's Readiness to Boost Ties of Cooperation with International Community Reiterated

Papers Call for Demonstrating Songun Korea's Dignity and Might

Floral Baskets Placed before Statues of Kim Il Sung

Sri Lankan Preparatory Committee Inaugurated

Korean People's Efforts to Settle Issue of Korea by Themselves Supported

Film Show at Cuban Embassy

7th National Computer Program Exhibition in Field of Education Held

Foreign Delegations Arrive

President of Senegal Sends Floral Basket to Statue of Kim Il Sung

KCNA News

More North Korean fun!

Here is a very interesting/funny article about why North Korean press releases are so unintentionally hilarious.

Kim Jong-il Says the Darnedest Things: The extra-large propaganda machine of the DPRK.

Clarification

South Korea and North Korea: totally not the same.
Ban Ki-Moon is a South Korean diplomat; so everyone caterwauling about how we shouldn't be indulging Korea by giving them an important UN post is a complete idiot.
Pass it along!

Big words aren't always better.

This was the official North Korean statement regarding the alleged nuclear test.

"The field of scientific research in the DPRK successfully conducted an underground nuclear test under secure conditions on October 9, 2006, at a stirring time when all the people of the country are making a great leap forward in the building of a great, prosperous, powerful socialist nation.

''It has been confirmed that there was no such danger as radioactive emission in the course of the nuclear test as it was carried out under scientific consideration and careful calculation.

''The nuclear test was conducted with indigenous wisdom and technology 100 percent. It marks a historic event as it greatly encouraged and pleased the KPA and people that have wished to have powerful self-reliant defense capability.

''It will contribute to defending the peace and stability on the Korean Peninsula and in the area around it.''

Yes, I read Space.com.

'Star Trek' Starship Fetches Over $500,000 in Auction
By The Associated Press
posted: 09 October 2006 10:29 am ET

NEW YORK (AP) – Starfleet Capt. Jean-Luc Picard commanded it. Now some Trekkie owns it.

A model of the Starship Enterprise used in the pilot and title sequences of “Star Trek: The Next Generation'' sold for $576,000 Saturday at an auction of costumes, sets and props from 40 years of the “Star Trek'' sci-fi franchise.

The 78-inch-long (198-centimeter) miniature of the “Enterprise-D,'' built by Industrial Light and Magic, debuted in 1987 in the episode “Encounter at Farpoint,'' and then was used in many subsequent episodes, as well as the film “Star Trek Generations.''

More than 1,000 items from the archives of CBS Paramount Television Studios went on the block over three days at Christie's auction house, and fans forked over a total of $7.1 million for set furniture, pointy Vulcan ears and other props.

Some Christie's employees taking bids by telephone wore Star Trek uniforms, and a live feed of the auction was carried on the History Channel's Web site.

Other top sellers from Saturday's auction included a spacesuit belonging to the series' Dr. McCoy from the episode “The Tholian Web,'' which fetched $144,000; and a replica of Captain James T. Kirk's chair on the bridge in the first Star Trek series.

The painted wood chair was only a re-creation for a 1996 episode of “Star Trek: Deep Space Nine'' that mixed action from that newer series with old footage, but it still sold for $62,400.

I don't think that the Bulgarian police understand the Twilight Zone.

Gravely ill woman kills son, is freed, kills husband
Tue Oct 10, 9:48 AM EST

SOFIA (Reuters) - A Bulgarian woman who killed her son was released from prison because of terminal cancer. She then went home and killed her husband, police said Tuesday.

The 57-year-old was sentenced to 15 years in jail for killing her 29-year-old son with a garden hoe in April 2005 while he was sleeping.

Last month, authorities judged her to be in the final stages of cancer and let her go home, where she stabbed her husband in the throat with a knife.

"It was established she was in the last stage of cancer, she had it all over her body," said a spokeswoman for the Bourgas regional police.

"They presumed she was feeling bad and she would treat herself and rest. But nothing of the kind. She got aggressive and ... she killed her husband."

The woman, from a village in eastern Bulgaria, has been taken into custody again and is awaiting a new trial.

"She threatened that, if she is released again, she will kill her second son as well," the police spokeswoman said.

"The whole case is like something from the twilight zone."

Yea, just like the Twilight Zone. You released a murderer and they murdered again. Go figure.
Also, not that Bulgaria is high on my list to relocate to, but you can brutally murder your own son with a garden hoe and you get 15 years of prison. What do you have to do to get life?

Driving Lessons #1

So, just a FYI for drivers:
Three reasons to use your parking or "emergency" brake.

1. You will ruin your car.
When you put your car in park the entire weight of your car rests on a small metal pin, which can bend or break and between repairing the damages from your car smashing into crap, and repairing the pin from the intestines of your vehicle, it will cost you a bit of cash. The pin will eventually break especially if you are in a hurry and the momentum of your car is against that pin all the time.

2. You will ruin my car.
When you parallel park on a low hill in front of my car, slowly, preventing me from pulling out by adjusting your distance between my car and the car in front of you numerous times, then park with out using your parking break, you will roll back into my car, or roll back and block me in.

3. You will make me ruin your car.
If you block me in and I know you did't set your emergency break I will happily use my scuffed bumper to push your formerly unscuffed car out of my way. This will also cause your vehicle to roll back onto the pin, stressing it again.

Something Negative

The last pannel of this Something Positive comic reminds me very strongly of a friend of mine; and the way she treated her boyfriend, who by the way, actually decided to marry her.

They'll be there for you.

Yes, gentle readers that is Jon Bon Jovi and former President Bill Clinton.

Bon Jovi to Restore Rundown Philly Homes
FRIDAY OCTOBER 06, 2006 08:55AM
By Stephen M. Silverman

Jon Bon Jovi on Thursday announced an effort to renovate 15 rundown houses in Philadelphia's blighted north side.

With Bill Clinton by his side, the Bon Jovi singer, 44, introduced the Phase V Homeownership Project before a crowd of about 350 people in Philadelphia.

The effort is sponsored by Bon Jovi's Philadelphia Soul Charitable Foundation and the Saturn car company, working in conjunction with Project HOME and Habitat for Humanity – and Bon Jovi said Clinton was on board as well.

The former president, 60, "was intrigued enough that he offered his services, and said, 'If I can help you in any way, don't hesitate.' And we didn't," Bon Jovi told the Associated Press.

Clinton told the audience, "I don't care who is running the government and what the policies are, there will always be a gap between where we are and where we need to be, and those of you out there in the audience have to step into that gap," the Philadelphia Inquirer reports.

Thursday night, Clinton and former president George H.W. Bush were honored at the 2006 Liberty Medal ceremony at Philadelphia's National Constitution Center. At the same event, Bon Jovi received the City of Brotherly Love Award from Mayor John F. Street.

Never trust any creature with more than 4 legs.

Spider causes man to lose control of SUV
Thu Oct 5, 5:29 PM ET

LEVANT, Maine - A Levant man told police he lost control of his 2003 Lincoln Navigator after he was startled by a spider on Wednesday morning.

James Lee, 28, was trying to get out of the SUV when it smashed into a tree. He walked away with a bloody nose caused by the air bag.

But, it could've been worse. At least it wasn't the new Volvo XC90 he won in a contest.

Last month, Lee was one of 11 people from across the country to win a new vehicle from McDonald's, the Bangor Daily News reported. After finishing a Big Mac extra value meal, he got the winning game piece for the "Pirates of the Caribbean" game.

He hasn't taken delivery of the new vehicle yet.

When I saw the headline I didn't think that this was "oddly enough" material, because I would totally have an accident if there was a spider in my car; but I'm quite amused by the end of the article. I feel they should have tried to work the word 'booty' into the headline though.

Sheetzucacapoopoo

That's all I've go to say.

So, in a fit of uncharacteristic kindness I decided to wash the sheets of my current dogsitting client's bed. This way when they came back from Europe they would have a fresh clean bed.
Well, I threw a pillowcase in with a bunch of towels, ran the load and somehow managed to utterly destroy the pillow case. I have never destroyed something in someone else's house except a glass once and I felt VERY bad about the case.
So I dragged Cathi out on an emergency must find the pillowcase run.

Cathi and I arrive at Macy's and actually found the pillowcase immediately. Yay!

Unfortunately they come in sets of two. Boo!

Luckily for me they were on sale. Yay!

Unlucky for me they were on sale for a bargain 69$. Mother fucker.

Who owns 99$ pillowcases? I'll tell you who: Quincy's parents. Really though, I am just happy that I was able to replace them.

Sigh.

125

Today is Melody's last day in the office.














Angie, Lynn, Angela, Annie, and I decided to send her off with a bang.














So we booked a conference room and prepared for "Operation, Bitch, Sit Down! You Ain't Goin Anywhere!" Then when she left for lunch, like ninja's we struck.



















But we were dissapointed with 50. Only two garbage bags? Not enough!!
















No, we needed more. So we bought more. 100 was still not enough.














125. Yes, that was enough.

Cher is a ho.

This is an outfit that Cher is auctioning off; it is called "Rock and Roll Outfit."
I would call it a "Transvestite Biker Prostitute Outfit."
Also, since when is undies, a leather jacket, and saddle stockings an "outfit?"

No, really, I'm just happy to see you.

Police: Men smuggled monkeys in pants; also leopard cubs, orchids, birds of paradise

By Lisa Sweetingham, Court TV Tue Sep 19, 5:42 PM ET

LOS ANGELES (Court TV) - When the rare birds of paradise escaped from his suitcase and flew over the heads of U.S. Customs Agents at Los Angeles International Airport, Robert Cusack decided it was best to confess that, yes, he did have more to declare.

"I have monkeys in my pants," Cusack told the agents.

Cusack, 49, had just gotten off a plane from Thailand and was immediately taken into custody.

Two endangered slow loris pygmy monkeys were rescued from Cusack's underwear.

For attempting to smuggle four birds of paradise, two lorises and 50 rare orchids into the United States on June 13, 2002, Cusack served five and a half months in prison and paid $1,200 in fines.

But Cusack wasn't alone.

His traveling companion, Chris Edward Mulloy, allegedly sneaked two newborn Asian leopard cats past the customs agents.

Authorities believe Mulloy, 45, hid the felines in hand-carried luggage, checked into a nearby hotel, and called his sister Darlah Kaye Mulloy to ask for her help in getting rid of the contraband cats.

On Monday, Chris Mulloy was arrested by federal authorities in Palm Springs on four counts of illegally importing wildlife, receiving, concealing and transporting wildlife, and making false statements to the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service.

He will be arraigned next week and faces up to 20 years in prison if convicted of all charges.

Darlah Mulloy, 48, has not been arrested, but was named along with her brother in a February grand jury indictment on two counts of illegally receiving, concealing, and transporting wildlife, and attempting to obstruct justice and tamper with a witness.

Authorities said they were aided by a tipster in their four-year investigation.

A spokesman from the U.S. Attorney's off ice, Thom Mrozek, says Darlah Mulloy's son gave one of the leopards to a former girlfriend, who lives in Foothill Ranch, Orange County.

"She still has it. It's kind of skittish. She's been caring for it for three years now so we don't want to disturb it more than necessary," Mrozek said, adding that they are currently searching for a suitable - and legal - home for the wildcat.

The other leopard cat journeyed from Mulloy's luggage to a friend who was unable to care for it, and ultimately on to the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service in Texas, where Mrozek says it is being cared for by a wildlife facility.

The lorises, Mrozek says, found a home at the Los Angeles County Zoo. But the four birds of paradise all died.

"That is a not uncommon result of wildlife smuggling," Mrozek said. "These animals die all the time because of the stress of being stuffed into a box and smuggled in. The birds, I think it was the stress of the very long travel and who knows what kind of shape they were in."

While Cusack's monkey-in-pants method might seem bizarre, it's not so far-fetched.

"We had a guy who did it with snakes about eight or nine years ago coming in from Mexico," Mrozek says. "You name it, it's been done."

Smuggling rare animals and plants into the country undermines conservation efforts, and the potential economic and ecological consequences can be devastating, Mrozek says.

"In some cases, we're talking about animals that potentially carry diseases like avian flu," Mrozek says. "We did a case a number of years ago in which animals were affected with Exotic Newcastle disease - and that can wipe out an entire industry."

They've also confiscated snakeheads - a type of top-predator fish that can live for short periods on land.

"They will eat everything, so they will decimate the ecology of any body of water they're in," Mrozek says. "There are all kinds of potentially extraordinary problems we face with wildlife smuggling."

Honestly, I am just frustrated that the headline implied that ALL of the animals were in his pants at once and they weren't.

And as for those "slow" loris monkeys, I can't help but feel those little guys were moving pretty fast.

Incidentally, I heard this story on Wait, Wait... Don't Tell Me and in order to find the text I typed the following into Google: "monkeys in my pants news" I might add that when I typed "monkeys in my pants" I did NOT find the news article.

Final thought: How the hell did I miss this when it happened?

Super busy weekend

Last weekend I was so extremely busy.
Friday, Quincy and I had a playdate with my favorite dog-sitting client, Theo. Quincy had a great time romping about with Theo and using his skills of cuteness to beg tennis balls off of the sentimental fellows at the courts.















Saturday, Melody and I caught a Mariners game, then got a beer, then had dinner at Chutney's in Cap Hill, then had cocktails. The game was great, the food was great. Very similar to love.











Later in the evening Theo's parents and I went to see Bombay Dreams at the 5th Ave. Theater. The show was very cute. My favorite part of the show was a very inebriated fellow who would whoop and yell at innappropriate intervals. As time progressed he would yell exciting comments, such as "slut" and "get over it."
I was amazed that the staff didn't bounce him. He could barely walk down the steps.


















Sunday Jeni and I attended a Mariner's game as well. It was a great game, but I left there so full of pulled pork and shishkaberries that I had to waddle home.














Later that night I watched The Testament of Dr. Mabuse with my uncle.
Amazing. Just great. If you haven't seen this movie, shame on you. Fritz Lang's film making was amazing especially considering that he made the film in the 30's.