1. When I get home he jumps all over me and immediately wants dinner.
2. He doesn’t help me make his dinner, but follows me around getting in my way while I cook.
3. When he is done eating he immediately runs off to play, leaving me to do all the cleaning too.
4. When I am trying to tidy and get my evening work done he follows me around, slapping me in the ass, insisting that I stop doing what I am doing and focus on him.
5. When we watch TV together, he hogs the good seat and sits with one arm on the arm-rest and the other thrown over my shoulder or on my knee. His face is one inch from mine. He steals my snacks and sips of my drinks.
6. At night he hogs the bed, invades my space, farts, kicks me, and steals my pillow.
7. He follows me around with slavish devotion, always under foot, begging for attention.
8. He gets bored when I’m reading or knitting so he interrupts me to suggest alternate activities.
9. He bugs me when I’m in the bathroom
10. He is noisy, smelly, and smothering, but he sure is easy on the eyes.
I think I am dog-sitting the canine incarnate of my ex-boyfriends.