Below is an ACTUAL email that I received at WORK from a COWORKER. Let me preface this all with the statement that this went out to at least 300 other people who also work with us. Additionally, aside from omitting names (i.e. trying to not get fired) I have made absolutely no changes to the content, punctuation, spelling etc. of this email. Continuing in my preface might I add that this woman is a 45 year old white chick and is also quite large.
Oh and incidentally they just moved my desk and I'm hopping mad. Now people can sneak up behind me and catch me updating this blog. Bastards!
First.... August 11 in the AM I will be unavailable to answer the phone. Additionally, (program she manages) will be unavailable. Here's the scoop-a-rooney, I will be working with (company that makes program that she manages) that morning to beef up a few things and learn a few more tricks to impress you with! One thing that we will be doing is adding more report options for you! Neat Huh? I thought you'd like that!
So in order for me to not loose my little mind trying to answer questions and fix all sorts of other stuff, I need to focus on this so that I can be the best that I can be! I do this out of love for all my peeps! :)
I am going to give you more power... yep.. you heard me right. More power... but with more power you can cause MORE damage.... so I need to give you a stern lecture, warning, directive, call it what you like..... if you goof it up.. I will have no choice but to remove that power..... got it? Sorry to be such a "parteey peewper" but for the safety of all concened it has to be that way. With that said here's the deal;
After payroll upload tomorrow I will flip a switch on your (program she manages) adminstrator profile that will enable you to make fabulous changes to your employee files. Changes like addresses, phone numbers, job descriptions, work hours and stuff like that. Stuff that will make your job easier. Like the ability to print mailing labels and other fun things. You will no longer have to wait months on end for me to dig through a pile of changes to get to your site. You have the power!!! Wahooooooo!
The problem is that this will give you power to change (certain variety of employee) records as well. This must not be done!!!!! Do not under ANY circumstance change a (certain variety of employee) record. Nadda, Nyet, Nein.... Don't eeeeven think about it! Even if it seems non invasive. There may be a good reason that their name is not spelled the way they write it. Perhaps that's what their social security card has it spelled. You don't know... so don't touch! Don't change their phone number or anything! Call me if you have a question.
Cuz.... if you change it... the change log will reflect YOUR name! That's right! So you can't even do a sneaky! I'll be all over you like mustard on a ball park dog!
Live long and prosper... but keep your hands to your own site information!
Sheesh... I need a nap... being such a dictator is brutal! I'm all tuckered out!
If you don't have your Password and User name to access (program she manages) yet.... let me know.. I'll do it post haste! (or at least after payroll has been uploaded!)
Name of Coworker Withheld