Quiana SMASH! Quiana ANGRY!

Two articles have me perturbed:

The Pill's Price on Campus: A jump in the cost of birth control puts students in a quandary
What? We want our girls knocked up in the middle of higher ed? I can't wait to see the awesome statistics that come out of this garbage new regulation.
I wonder what the price difference is between the $42 that the pill will now cost for college students and the deep discounts at Planned Parenthood. I'm sure that some of these girls are still covered by their parents' medical, but I wonder how many really want to tell their parents that they need birth control pills. I think most parents know what their kids are up to, but don't want to actually acknowledge it.

'Babylon Fields'—CBS’ Buried Zombie Necrophilia Pilot Unearthed
The viewers should get the option to enjoy their necrophilia/zombie crime dramas. Everyone compose a brief note regarding this issue and send it to CBS post-haste. This is different and different is good!
Down with boring! Up with zombies!

Missed Connection: Cab Driver in Car #91

Looking good today, Cab Guy. I can tell because you are about two feet from my bumper. I know that I am perhaps even twice as sexy as you would expect the driver of a '96 Mercury Sable to be, but really all this bumper humping is craziness.

What? You don't just want to be close to me? You are tailgating me because you want to go faster? Well, I am shocked and a little disappointed. But obviously a busy guy such as yourself must be in a hurry to get to your important business meeting at 8:40 on a Thursday night. I know that cabs are really popular in Seattle on account of how HUGE the city is and NOBODY owns their own car.

Let me explain: I too would like to go 60 miles per hour, or dare I say, even more than that. But the station wagon ahead of me likes 55 miles per hour and in these weather conditions, I can understand that. If you will look to your left, Cab Guy, you will see 3 lanes, totally empty. Those lanes are for you, Cab Guy. Those are the proverbial and literal fast lanes. I am waiting for you to pass me. Still waiting. Perhaps if I hit my brakes while gesturing in a left-wardly direction? No?

I am now convinced that this isn't about speed, it's a love connection. Cab Guy who drives like an asshat, email me. I miss your shadowy sillouette.

I sometimes get some, satisfaction.

This email went out at work today:
"It has been reported that there is a white Lexus in the front parking lot, license #blabblah, that is taking up two spaces. Could you please move your car so that you are in only one space, as parking is tight at this building today?"


I am so tickled. I hope that they tow. I can just imagine the owner being all ticked off, "But I have a white Lexus, I require TWO parking spaces! One for the car and one for my GIANT HEAD!"

I actually wish that I was driving a dumpy little Civic so I could have fit with mere millimeters to spare. You may call that 'vigilante parking.'

Speaking of which, Slate has a neat article about why vigilante movies are yet again popular. This brings me to the remake of Walking Tall. Which was awesome because of the presence of The Rock. Can you smelllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll what The Rock is cooking?
It smells like some delicious justice with a cute butt!

Thought of the Day: Fast Cars and Fast Women

1. And by fast cars I mean lumbering SUVs. Yesterday when I was traveling home from the office a black Escalade merged into the lane to my right. And then immediately cut me off, as though I didn't predict that the Escalade driver would do that.
What is it about certain types of cars that are a window into the souls of their owners?
I'm pretty sure that my vehicle ('96 Merc. Sable) says 'I have two kids and think that King of Queens is hi-larious' which may or may not be detrimental to my theory.

2. And by fast women I mean uhm... fast women. Slate brought up lyrics to a Dar Williams song, with which I am familiar, but hadn't meditated on before (because while I went to Bryn Mawr, I am not a "Mawrter"). The lyrics go thusly:
"Now I'm in this clothing store
and the sign says 'less is more'
more that's tight means more to see
more for them, not more for me."
And I think that the end lyric, for me, is most important. It isn't that I lose something if I whip out my tits on Girls Gone Wild. (Although in terms of external judgments I undoubtedly would.) It is that I don't gain anything.
And the brand of selflessness that leads to random people masturbating is not the particular brand of selflessness to which I feel any allegiance.
Now if it involves being saucy towards someone towards whom I have intentions, that is a different story, morning glory. (RAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWRRRR)

3. Special Bonus Thought which will probably get me in trouble.
Last night I received an email from a friend notifying me that she was done with our fight and wanted to bury the proverbial hatchet.
To which I responded, "Sounds good. It is very kind of you to make the first advance."
But to which I wanted to respond, "What fight? Are we not talking or something?"
This is yet another event in a series of incidents in which someone thinks that we are super-buds and I think that we are acquaintances. Also this marks yet another time in which I have failed to notice someone's attempt to punish me.
Additionally, I hope this doesn't require an apology, because that is *not*going to happen.
If I recall correctly (and as I can surmise from the puzzling email contents) the 'fight' occurred when she made some ridiculous political generalization and I responded with a comment along the lines of "that is a sweeping generalization," followed by a "how did you arrive at that conclusion?" And may have chased that with something like (and I promise that this was more tactfully said, though I cannot remember verbatim), "this kind of knee-jerk reaction could be better dealt with through further consideration and research of sources outside of blatantly liberal biased, or non-existent (or found on the comedy channel*) sources."
Since when did being friends mean that you can't have intelligent discourse on the topics of the day? I don't watch American Idol so I'm up shit-creek for boring small talk. I would prefer to discuss important things, but not if the end result is that I am declared stupid or stubborn.
Is it crazy to ask someone to defend their beliefs? Furthermore, if you believe something, shouldn't you be able to say why?

*Not actually said, but was very much desired.

Shouldn't you be busy meditating on hitting people with sticks?

Chinese Monks Fume Over Net Slurs

Usually I'm not about putting the whole text up, but seriously, I insist that you read this crazy shit.

BEIJING (AP) - China's Shaolin Temple has demanded a public apology from an Internet user who claimed a Japanese ninja beat its kung fu-practicing monks in a showdown, a lawyer said Friday.

An open letter from the temple posted on the Internet Thursday denied the fight ever took place and called on the person who posted the claim to apologize to the temple's martial arts masters.

Monks from the temple, nestled in the Songshan Mountains of central China's Henan province, said they will consider legal action if the person doesn't make a public apology.

The incident comes amid lingering tensions between China and Japan over World War II atrocities. China is highly sensitive to anything that smacks of Japanese militarism, particularly because many believe Tokyo has yet to show adequate remorse for its wartime actions in China.

The posting last week on the "Iron Blood Bulletin Board Community" described a ninja who challenged the monks of the Shaolin Temple to a fight in August after practicing boxing at a Japanese mountain retreat for five years. The Internet user claimed the monks accepted the challenge and the ninja won, proving the monks are trained to perform rather than fight.

The Shaolin Temple's letter said the posting was "evil" and "a pure fabrication." It said the account of the ninja's victory had been widely commented on and distributed, especially in Japan.

"This extremely irresponsible behavior not only impacts the Shaolin temple and its monks, but also the whole martial arts community and the Chinese people," it said.

I'm sure that the people of China were very concerned about this additional Japanese attack on their culture. Then they went back to putting together sneakers for 1$ a day and missing their families in distant prefectures.

Things I care about less than the feelings of Shaolin Monks:
1. other people's belly-button lint
2. nothing

Random Crap of Interest to Me

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Goddammit.

I would feel better if the 'leader of the free world' wasn't wearing socks with plastic sandals.

from The Top Socialite

Nature: biting the hand that feeds it.

I'm gonna getcha!

I've always said that pandas are number two on my list of cutiest animals that can rip of your arm. (#1= polar bears)

Not so cuddly: panda attacks zookeeper
Alternate title suggestions:

Idiot puts arm in panda enclosure.

Local zookeeper says, "arms are for losers"

Panda rejects humanity's reconciliation attempt. Surprise!

Plug your ears and hum.

I am continually frustrated by people's desire to bury awkward mementos of the past like a cat hides its shit.

There is apparently a huge controversy in London about Borders shelving a Tintin book, published in 1931 that has very obvious racist commentary.
The article quotes a lawyer stating that: "The material suggests to (children) that Africans are subhuman, that they are imbeciles, that they're half savage."
Fair enough, I think that the book isn't necessarily appropriate for children; but it should serve to demonstrate ways in which the powerful stay powerful through propaganda. That people will say, do, and believe the wrong thing if it is more beneficial for themselves to do so.

We can't re-write history. Breaking Mammy cookie jars doesn't make it all unhappen, it just wrecks cookie jars. Pretending that there wasn't a problem does not erase past mistakes- but it does make it impossible to learn from them. Let people collect Nazi silverware, maybe it will remind how close we came to speaking German.

Acknowledging our past errors and understanding them is how we prevent them in the future. Does this mean that I want to chow down in a Sambo's? No, but we can't go around burning old copies of books, TV shows, or movies because they make us uncomfortable. They SHOULD make us uncomfortable.

I know I shouldn't get all Godwin (again) and bring up this issue (although I don't believe that this should count) but if you look at the way that Germany acknowledges its war crimes and how seriously people there take racism and then look at Japan's constant denials of wrong doing and look at how ethnic Koreans and the country of Korea are treated, both at the official governmental level and at the average Joe level, you will see a huge difference.

Furthermore I would like to point out something a little more disturbing; according to the article, "In [the book], Belgian cartoonist Georges Remi depicts the white hero's adventures in the Congo against the backdrop of an idiotic, chimpanzee-like native population that eventually comes to worship Tintin — and his dog — as gods."
That reminds of something... what could it be? Oh yea, Pirates of the Caribbean 2. Burn the movie! Keel-haul Orlando Bloom!!!!! Rip out Johnny Depp's deadlocks! Oh my gosh, he's a white guy in dreads and he acts kind of gay- and he's a womanizer! O my precious poopkins will watch this and get all confused! Let's sue!

Or what about Will & Grace, surely that is a forward thinking show. Wait, you mean all single straight women need a "gay friend"- that's stereotyping! Let's storm the studio and burn the film.

If everyone wants to look for racism, sexism, and any other 'ism' one doesn't have to go back as far 1931. It isn't Civil War memorabilia that we should be worried about, it's what is on TV right now, what we teach our kids and confirm to ourselves. That liberated feminist women crave meaningless sex 24 hours a day and should chase it in the same way that men are perceived to, but still be incomplete without a man (Sex & The City). That torture is sometimes good (24). Being pretty and stupid is cute and funny in real life (Simple Life).

Paris Hilton being a role-model is what keeps me up at night, not nearly 80 year old books.

Idiocracy: The Ghost of Christmas Future.

Today I attended an educational forum about legislative changes in the area of education. Of course WASL was the big thing. So the quick skinny on this issue is that the state is now demanding that you be able to master English, math, and science at a 10th grade level to graduate. The WASL tests what the state believes you should know in 10th grade. It is not multiple choice.

Because parents are desperate for their kids to graduate they have strong-armed their politicians into giving students alternatives to the test and in fact allowing them to walk with a fake diploma, the Certificate of Academic Completion.

A few thoughts:
1. We are not helping kids by catering to their "learning styles." I don't want to be an asshole; but, a college professor or boss isn't going to say, "Oh, you aren't good at tests? Well don't worry about this mandatory exam or licensing test." Or, "Oh you aren't a visual learner, hop in my lap and I will just read these chapters to you." Even in society there are tests; can you imagine the Department of Licensing just saying, "Well Bobby, you can't drive an actual car with out hitting stuff, but I see that you are bomb at Mario Kart, so here you go."
2. I would like everyone's diploma to be equal. I would like all students and all schools held to the same standard, regardless of income and race. And I would like to think that everyone would like their children to actually perform at the 10th grade level. Giving a poor kid a meaningless diploma and a fat scholarship does not help him if he can't read.
3. Graduating unqualified students is dumbing down colleges. Just check out all the remedial math and English courses at state universities.
4. Graduating unqualified students is dumbing down the work force. These days to get a job interview you are required to take specialized tests. Why is this? Because a diploma, college or high school, does not mean that you know how to do anything.
5. If your kid can't perform at the 10th grade level, they aren't ready for college. At today's meeting one concerned mother was worried about what getting a Certificate of Showing up and Breathing would do to her son's chances of getting into college. All I could think was, "Lady, your son shouldn't be allowed to drive past a college without a tenth grade education."

Uhm... so there.

Oopsy Daisy.

Yesterday I overheard a conversation between tech and Gargoyle Toes.

GT: My work phone is recieving incoming calls, but I can't make outgoing calls.

What I am imagining tech said: Since when?

GT: Last week, I've been using other people's phones.

What I am imagining tech said: What happened last week?

GT: I spilled tea on it.

Yes Gargoyle Toes watchers, she spilled tea on her office phone, last week and didn't mention it AND then she tried to evade explaining what had happened.

Good job Gargoyle Toes!

Good News, Bad News

The good news for Frito-Lay is that the dead mouse found by an elementary student in his sack of barbecue chips actually chewed its way into the bag at the school.

The bad news for Frito-Lay is that its barbecue chips are deadly.

Just like I've been saying all along.


In other news, "Hundreds [of morons] Line up for Sheep Testicles."

Says the article, testicles make great sloppy joes.

Well, anyone could have told you that.

There is no escape from nature.

AP is reporting that a moose (who was already shot with a tranquilizer dart) took down a helicopter in Alaska. The moose suffered some fairly awful injuries and had to be put down- another tragic animal suicide... gorer(?).

In other thoughts related to the AP, I really am befuddled by their week-long ban on Paris Hilton coverage. It is amusing (to me) that the AP is making an effort to get noticed by not covering the movements of a woman who is making an effort to get noticed. Not to be an ass-hole, but news is the information about things occurring in the world which are of interest to the general population. The general population is busy waiting to vote on which moron will dance his way onto stage in the next production of the misogynistic masterpiece, beloved by women with no sense, about which you should not get me started: Grease.

Goooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo [fuck yourself] grease lightening.

The Right to Bear Monkeys.

Here is a Business Week Article about legislation to restrict private primate ownership.

Your tax dollars at work.

And a direct quote from the article, "Taking a libertarian view, Joseph Kirkland doesn't think he should be punished for the perceived mistakes of other monkey owners. An National Rifle Association member, he channels that group's resentment toward people who want to legislate his life. "Just like my gun," he says, "They're going to have to pry my monkey from my cold, dead hand."

Now, Mr. Kirkland, this is a family blog. Let's not talk about what you do with your monkey in your spare time.

And what does PETA have to say? Who cares? They are crazy terrorist assholes who think that having a pet dog is animal cruelty.

FINE. They say the following:

"Lisa Wathne, a PETA "captive exotic animal specialist" calls buying pet monkeys a "slave trade." The monkey owners keep their pets "mostly as an ego boost" and should release them to accredited sanctuaries. Many monkeys, she continues, "would be better off dead" -- euthanized -- than in private homes. "

I love it when they compare pet ownership to the slave trade. I like it a bit better when they compare it Auschwitz and the Native American Genocide.

Go to hell PETA.

(Original BW article brought to my attention by mimi smartypants.)

Gargoyle Toes is at least honest with self.

Today a coworker rushed over to show me the newest addition to the cubical of Gargoyle Toes (who is not in today).

Upon closer inspection you will see 3 dirty beverage containers, and new art.

It reads: Ineptitude: If you can't learn to do something well, learn to enjoy doing it poorly.

I'm completely stymied.

Well, she is certainly the most inept person I know. And I know A LOT of useless bastards.

A bottle of red, a bottle of white, shut the hell up!

Today my uncle and I decided to take a little road trip down to Archie McFee's and while we were in Ballard we stopped for lunch. We were seated next to a woman and her two teenage daughters, the older of which kept smart eyeing me. They were very noisily bitching about this and that as they finished their pasta.

The waiter came over to ask them if they'd like dessert and she asked what the restaurant has. He recommended the tiramisu. At which point she said, "Tira-what-su, I never heard of it." He began to describe the tiramisu and as he got to the part with the lady-fingers she interrupted him as though he is the rude one and declared, "I don't know what lady fingers are. What else do you have?" He paused and then calmly told them the rest of their choices and she said she'll have the chocolate mousse. After like maybe 5 minutes she hailed the waiter and demanded to know where her dessert is because she had "been waiting 17 minutes, I've checked my watch THREE TIMES." At this point we'd just gotten our drinks.

The waiter apologized, surprised and rushed off to find something to shove in her yap. He brings the plate in and she says, "What is that? Some kind of pudding??!"At which point I leaped across the aisle and beat her to death with my salad plate.

After the coroner took her mangled corpse away we snagged her waiter to tell him that his customer was a totally crazy bitch. It turns out that they were his first table of the night and it was really comforting to completely mock them. Bitching about people behind their backs is AWESOME.

More Judith Regan Malarky

Two more articles on Judith Regan.
The first is a Seattle PI article where Judith is alledged to believe in an zesty Zionist Conspiracy. Surely getting fired had nothing to do with the bad press and crazed attitude- blame the Jews. They're out there and they're are not eating bacon. GASP.
The second is from the NY Times and is simply an interesting and funny reading on the situation.

Publisher allegedly cited 'Jewish cabal'
By HILLEL ITALIE
AP NATIONAL WRITER

Regan, was fired Friday, Dec. 15, 2006, her sensational, scandalous tenure at Rupert Murdoch's News Corp. ending with the tersest of announcements.

NEW YORK -- In an explosive telephone argument that led to her firing, publisher Judith Regan allegedly complained of a "Jewish cabal" against her in the book industry and stated that "Of all people, Jews should know about ganging up, finding common enemies and telling the big lie."

A spokesman for Regan's former employer, Rupert Murdoch's News Corp., told The Associated Press on Monday that the remarks were based on notes taken by HarperCollins attorney Mark Jackson, with whom Regan was discussing the future of a controversial new novel about baseball star Mickey Mantle.

The spokesman, Andrew Butcher, released the comments in response to a threatened libel suit from Regan's legal representative, Hollywood attorney Bert Fields, who had called earlier reports of anti-Semitic remarks "completely untrue" and added that the publisher "didn't have an anti-Semitic bone in her body."

If you told me that Judith Regan said something nasty about Jewish babies, I could only assume that she was implying that black babies are less stringy and have a less-like-chicken, more-like-pork flavor. I wouldn't put anything past this woman.

Since 1994, Regan had headed the ReganBooks imprint at News Corp.'s HarperCollins. She was fired Friday.

The allegations first emerged earlier Monday when The New York Times, citing two unnamed News Corps officials, referred to unspecified anti-Semitic comments.

Regan, one of of the book world's most successful publishers, already had tense relations with HarperCollins and News Corp. Last month, Murdoch cancelled "If I Did It," her planned O.J. Simpson book and Fox television interview.

Simpson's book, said to have described how he theoretically would have committed the murders of ex-wife Nicole Brown Simpson and her friend Ronald Goldman, had been scheduled for release Nov. 30 following the airing of a two-part Simpson interview.

Simpson was acquitted of murder in 1995 but later found liable for the killings in a wrongful-death suit filed by the Goldman family.

This Time, Judith Regan Did It
By DAVID CARR
Published: December 18, 2006

When the News Corporation killed Judith Regan’s multimedia rollout of O. J. Simpson’s “hypothetical confession,” Rupert Murdoch called the project “ill-conceived.”

The phrase he should have used was “ill-received.”

The “If I Did It” book and television package was shelved not because it was in bad taste or because it was bad for the culture at large, but because it was bad for business. The News Corporation, after all, was riding with Ms. Regan every step of the way as she bolted together the multiplatform deal for “If I Did It.” It was only after an outcry that included two dozen Fox affiliates that the HarperCollins project was junked.

And now Ms. Regan’s career at the News Corporation is in the same trash bin. Why now?

No one woke up Friday morning and discovered that Ms. Regan had bad, if lucrative, taste. But when her O. J. Simpson deal went south, she refused to go away quietly even though Mr. Murdoch had already taken a bullet, then continued to complain that she was being undermined long after the story had quieted down.

The News Corporation had profited handsomely from Ms. Regan’s tendency to shoot from the hip, but when she started firing inside the corral, well then, that was another matter.

If she did it, here’s how: Ms. Regan first responded to public opprobrium over the Simpson project with an unhinged eight-page defense of her interview. And then, after the plug was pulled on Nov. 21, she failed to accept the decision. (When Mr. Murdoch says something is dead, put away the paddles and pull up the hearse.)

Instead she railed against HarperCollins, the News Corporation book division that owns her ReganBooks imprint, while taping her Sirius Satellite Radio show, according to Ron Hogan, an editor at GalleyCat, which is a book-oriented blog. And finally, she made offensive remarks in a phone call to one of the company’s lawyers on Friday, according to a report in The Los Angeles Times.

“I think someone looked a little bit down the road and saw train wrecks everywhere,” said a HarperCollins executive who declined attribution because the case might end up in litigation.

That someone was Jane Friedman, the head of HarperCollins, who gave Ms. Regan the gate last Friday night in a two-sentence statement. It was made in a hurry — there were no expressed accommodations for the authors and 40 employees of the ReganBooks imprint — which suggests that the decision was made in a hurry, as well. (The company said on Saturday that the division will continue operations under Cal Morgan, the editorial director of ReganBooks.)

None of this was part of the plan when Ms. Regan moved her hugely successful publishing operation to Los Angeles this year. In announcing the move, she suggested she was switching to the left coast to form a literary salon of sorts, seeking out interesting folks from the entertainment and publishing worlds to form a kind of “cultural center.”

In therapeutic circles, her move to Los Angeles is called a geographic cure. A person up against the consequences of bad decisions and bad judgment — her affair with Bernard B. Kerik, the disgraced former police commissioner and ReganBooks author, was made all the more interesting to the media when it emerged that she was one of two women on the side — decides to switch ZIP codes for a fresh start.

Instead, she found O.J.

Ms. Regan’s strategic shift to California put her more closely in touch with an entertainment culture that was of a piece with her approach to publishing. Her big television project, after all, was “Growing Up Gotti.” Those who found “If I Did It” to be a patently offensive title need only remember that she also published the very successful “How to Make Love Like a Porn Star.” (It might have been subtitled, “Making do with vacant eyes, stage moans, and anonymous co-stars.”)

But then, Ms. Regan has actually been in the celebrity business her whole career, with her ability to sell the tatty and salacious elements of contemporary culture. She formed those skills as a reporter for The National Enquirer, but in a world where many office workers spend their days surfing for a shot of Britney Spears sans panties, that work history was a credential, not a knock.

Ms. Regan always lived her public life as if it were one big MySpace page, which she filled with outrageous personal and professional behavior and intemperate words. Part of it seemed like shtick, but she seemed to cross a line bordering on mania after her motives in interviewing Mr. Simpson were questioned.

First, she issued a statement that compared her own alleged victimization as a battered woman with that of the murdered Nicole Brown Simpson. “The men who lied and cheated and beat me — they were all there in the room. And the people who denied it, they were there, too.” (It sounded a little crowded in there.)

Instead of saying sorry about that, Ms. Regan went ballistic in a statement that read like an autopsy on an open deadly wound. Her nonapology apology approached absurdity, a biblical Act of Contrition written (at times) in the voice of a young girl.

“I made the decision to publish this book, and to sit face to face with the killer, because I wanted him, and the men who broke my heart and your hearts, to tell the truth, to confess their sins, to do penance and to amend their lives. Amen.”

Ms. Regan then reflected on her time with Mr. Simpson: “Thought process disorder. No empathy. Malignant narcissism,” she wrote as if she had been looking in a mirror, not conducting an interview.

Her decisions made quick enemies of almost everyone, including some of her colleagues at the News Corporation. To his credit, Bill O’Reilly (a man who knows a thing or two about riding out bad press) called the Simpson project “simply indefensible.” Even Geraldo Rivera’s journalistic principles were offended.

She might survive those two but, in 2006, Mr. Murdoch is another matter. He has done a fine job recently of repositioning himself as media baron who is both a friend of Hillary Rodham Clinton and yet again a pioneer in the evolving media space. One of the cardinal rules in business is to protect the king, but after the Simpson affair, he found himself dragged into the muck of his tabloid past.

In The Los Angeles Times, Tim Rutten invoked that past, assailing the “predatory Australian-born media tycoon Rupert Murdoch, who has devoted his life to making money by making sure that news and entertainment are as coarse and vulgar as can be imagined in as many places as possible.” That kind of public reframing, combined with Ms. Friedman’s antipathy for a renegade West Coast office, made Ms. Regan’s firing a matter of when, not if.

Ms. Regan will change addresses, but not disappear. The best-seller list in any given week attests to the fact that she has a talent for identifying and filling consumer needs. And it is the job of media corporations to satisfy the market without regard to taste or rectitude. That’s no altogether a bad thing. We wouldn’t have “The Simpsons” — another News Corporation product — without it.

But stars, even the biggest-earning ones, become expendable when they begin to embarrass someone besides themselves. Just ask Tom Cruise.

Look both ways, OJ.

So here is a link to the article about how HarperCollins has sacked the woman responsible for the OJ Simpson book deal.

Would-Be O.J. Publisher Fired
by Natalie Finn
Fri, 15 Dec 2006 09:23:00 PM PST

The sensationalist literature maven who tried to play ball with O.J. Simpson has been sacked.

News Corp. announced late Friday that HarperCollins publisher Judith Regan has been fired, a move many are viewing as punishment for the shellacking the company took when she revealed her plans for an exclusive interview with Simpson to promote his hypothetical tell-all, If I Did It, which was going to be released under the ReganBooks imprint.

The book was due out Nov. 30; the two-part interview was slated to air Nov. 27 and 29 on Fox, and News Corp. honcho Rupert Murdoch slammed the brakes on the whole project Nov. 20, about a week after the free world found out what Regan had up her sleeve.

"Judith Regan's employment with HarperCollins has been terminated effective immediately," HarperCollins CEO Jane Friedman said in a statement. Per various reports, Friedman and Regan had a tempestuous relationship over the years, and, according to Variety, Friedman also took a lot of heat for her silence surrounding the Simpson debacle.

In the meantime, the ReganBooks label will continue under the HarperCollins General Book Group. Regan moved her eponymous group, also responsible for Jose Conseco's steroid-fueled memoir Juiced and Jenna Jameson's instructional bio How to Make Love Like a Porn Star, from New York to Los Angeles earlier this year.

According to the New York Times, HarperCollins issued the two-sentence press release with the terse headline, "Judith Regan Terminated," even before her employees on the West Coast were aware of the move. ( HA!)

After Simpson's deal was scrapped (not until after he had been paid a reported $3.5 million, however), the erstwhile murder suspect told a Miami radio station that the title of the book and TV special was not his idea and that a ghost writer was responsible for much of the book's lurid details about how Simpson would have killed ex-wife Nicole Brown Simpson and her friend, Ronald Goldman, if he had done it.

I see, if it is ghost written, it is totally not your problem. Additionally, I cannot believe that he got 3.5 million dollars for this!!!

Simpson also criticized Murdoch, who called the former footballer's deal "ill-considered" and apologized "for any pain that this has caused the families of Ron Goldman and Nicole Brown Simpson," (Did OJ forget he is supposed to be Nicole's family? I'm pretty sure if my mom was brutally murdered, my dad -in spite of their divorce- would not take advantage of her death in such a spectacularly revolting fashion. He has their kids, what the fuck is wrong with him?) saying the multimedia mogul shouldn't be "taking the high road either."

Not like OJ, who probably killed someone, then got away with it because justice does not outweigh a race riot in LA. On the other other hand, I am positive that Murdoch knew what was going down and only weighed in when popular opinion swung against the book.

Too late on all counts. Brown Simpson's sister, Denise Brown, said Nov. 21 on the Today show that News Corp. offered her family "millions of dollars" under the table to step aside when If I Did It hit shelves and airwaves.

While the company admitted discussing money with the family, a spokesman denied that there was any stipulation requiring the Browns to keep quiet.

Regan, meanwhile, defended the project in an eight-page statement released across multiple media channels, saying that the book deal money went to a third party to ensure that Simpson himself didn't profit from it.

Right. A third party- who, Kato?

The memoir-peddler labeled her position as being on the side of justice, saying, "I made the decision to publish this book and to sit face to face with the killer because I wanted him, and the men who broke my heart and your hearts, to tell the truth, to confess their sins, to do penance and to amend their lives."

What a bitch. What a colossal excuseless, remorseless, bloodless cunt.

If it was a line, no one was biting, including multiple Fox affiliates, who said prior to News Corp.'s ultimate decision to scuttle the project, that they wanted no part of it.

And if this tells you anything, the book didn't even encounter a warm reception from the Internet, the place where everyone assumed the tome would end up anyway.

Booksellers alibris.com and biblio.com both removed listings for the book last Friday, and eBay also knocked at least eight copies from the auction block—although not before at least one inquiring mind picked up a copy for $50, USA Today reported this week.

"It's a disgusting book, and we don't want to sell it," even if "people may have a right to sell it," Alibris CEO Martin Manley told the newspaper.

Catherine England, a spokeswoman for eBay, echoed the sentiment, citing the auction site's "murderbilia" policy.

"Out of respect for murder victims, eBay may remove items closely associated with murder cases dating over the last 100 years," England said. "We reached out to the publisher who holds the copyright; they said they did not intend to distribute this book."

Actually, HarperCollins vowed last month to destroy every copy. According to early estimates, about 400,000 were printed, but there's no word on how many still exist.

Then there's the bookseller, who wished to remain anonymous, who told USA Today that he had snatched up 11 copies for about $12,000 from "a guy who knows a guy who works in a bookstore."

He told the paper he doesn't believe in destroying books, but he does believe in free speech. However, he didn't want to be identified for fear of being labeled "evil" for profiting from the Simpson book.

I love how free speech is such a nice excuse to be a nauseating piece of shit.

Of course there's no accounting for the taste of the guy who buys from the guy who met the guy who knows a guy.

Oh and just in case you forgot the evidence in the trial (courtesy of Wikipedia):

• DNA analysis of the blood found in, on, and near Simpson's Bronco revealed traces of Simpson's, Nicole's, and Ronald Goldman's blood.
• DNA analysis of bloody socks found in Simpson's bedroom showed the blood to be Nicole's.
• Simpson's hair was found on Goldman's shirt even though Simpson claimed not to have been at the home and never to have met Goldman.
• DNA analysis of blood on the gloves was proven to be a mixture of Simpson's, Nicole's, and Ronald Goldman's. The gloves also contained particles of Goldman's hair and carpet fibers from Simpson's Bronco.
• Arrest records indicate that Simpson had been charged with the beating of his wife Nicole. Photos of Nicole's bruised and battered face emerged. Simpson was sentenced to 3 years of community service for the crime.
• Police discovered that the dome light in the Bronco had been removed. A search of the vehicle revealed the light was carefully placed under the passenger seat and was in good working condition. Puzzling blood smears on the passenger floorboard indicated that Simpson may have purposely removed the light and placed it under the seat before the murders (assuming he had indeed murdered Brown Simpson and Goldman). Then after the murders he may have unsuccessfully tried to find it to put it back in the socket. Police on stakeouts routinely remove the dome lights from their vehicles to avoid detection when the car doors are opened.
• It was discovered that one set of keys to Nicole Brown Simpson's home were missing. She had indicated to several family members and friends that she feared Simpson had stolen them to gain entry into her home. The keys were later found in Simpson's home.
• Paula Barbieri indicated that she had broken up with Simpson the day of the murders. She indicated he seemed very disturbed at the news. Phone records proved that Simpson attempted to contact her shortly before the murders from his Bronco's cellular phone.
• The left-hand glove found at Nicole's home and the right-hand glove found at O.J.'s home proved to be a match. They were also proven to be Simpson's size. Even though Simpson claimed under oath that he did not own a pair of Aris Isotoner gloves, several media pictures emerged showing Simpson wearing these exact gloves.
• Bloody footprints in Nicole's home were identified as being made from a pair of Bruno Magli shoes. These shoes are expensive and rare. The size 12 prints match Simpson's shoe size. Simpson claims under oath that he does not own such shoes and in fact indicates that he thinks they "are ugly." A photograph was introduced showing Simpson wearing the exact shoes at an NFL football game. Simpson claimed under oath that the photo is a forgery and is backed up by an expert witness. Later, another photo taken by a different source, also showed Simpson wearing the same shoes at another NFL football game.
• Friends and family indicated that Nicole claimed that Simpson had been stalking her. She said that everywhere she went she saw Simpson there watching her. She was afraid because Simpson had already told her he would kill her if he ever found her with another man.
• Ross Cutlery provided store receipts indicating Simpson had purchased a 12-inch Stiletto knife six weeks before the murders. A replica of the knife was purchased by the police and provided an exact match to the wounds on Nicole and Ronald Goldman.

And to be fair (well, as fair as I get) opposing evidence and alternate theories:

• The murder of Ron and Nicole was among a string of murders of people associated with Simpson, Ron, and Nicole. Casmir Sucharski, a friend of Simpson, was murdered two weeks after Ron and Nicole. On March 19, 1995, Simpson's friend, record company promoter Charles Minor, was murdered. On July 30, 1993, eleven months before the famous double murder, Ron Goldman's friend Brett Cantor was killed with a knife in a manner identical to Ron and Nicole: from behind and across the throat and stabbed repeatedly on the arms and chest. Michael Nigg, a waiter at the Mezzaluna (where Ron Goldman was also a waiter) was shot in the head and killed. Another Mezzaluna waiter barely survived a car bombing.
• Many working at Mezzaluna were involved with the Mafia and/or the drug trade.
• Photos of Nicole with known criminals of the drug trade in a hot tub and on a bed were shown on the news. Simpson said he was upset when he saw his children associated with the drug scene with which Nicole had apparently become involved.
• Barry Hoestler, a private investigator hired for the Simpson case by Robert Shapiro, said Nicole talked about the idea of opening a restaurant with Ron Goldman as her partner, and financing it with cocaine profits. Hoestler said Nicole and her friends were "over their heads with some dope dealers".
• Nicole's best friend was Faye Resnick, a cocaine addict. Someone broke into Resnick's apartment to take documents and photographs. Later, Resnick skipped town. Simpson's defense team said Nicole and Ron may have been killed by drug dealers to scare Resnick into paying her drug debt. Prosecutors said there was no evidence to back this theory.
• There was an unexplained DNA mix on the steering wheel column of the car. The DNA was neither Simpson's, nor Nicole's, nor Goldman's.
• The "car testimonies" of Park and Kato, which suggest unexplained movement of vehicle/s, were suppressed from the trial.
• Al Cowlings once served as a bodyguard for convicted drug smuggler Joey Ippolito. Ippolito escaped from a Florida jail three weeks before the murders and made many calls to Simpson. According to the theory, Ippolito probably hired a hitman to commit the drug related murders. Frankie Viserto is one hitman known to be close to Ippolito. In the past, Viserto has tortured and beheaded his victims with a knife.
• Nicole's sister Denise Brown was often seen and photographed with ex-Mob enforcer and FBI informant Tony Fiato, a recruit of Ippolito. Denise denied that Fiato was her boyfriend.
• Police detectives broke state law and their own policy when they waited hours to summon the county coroner.
• In violation of policy, evidence remained in the processing room for three days before the first piece was booked in the secure ECU. The evidence was on a tabletop, and could be handled by anyone with access. 70 to 80 police personnel had access.
• Someone broke into Robert Shapiro's office, forced open a locked filing cabinet, and stole confidential papers related to the case.
• Simpson said that only once, in 1989, had he and Nicole got into a fight that injured her. Nicole used makeup in one of the photos showing her with facial bruises after the fight. He said Nicole's written statements of domestic abuse were a plan to get out of a prenuptial agreement.

None of these assertions explains Simpson's behavior following the murders, such as the self-incriminating statement to police, the attempt to flee, the suicide note, the apologies to the police who eventually arrested him, the inability to remember how he had cut his finger to the bone the night of the murders, or his differing statements about his whereabouts during the time of the murders. In addition, none of this explains how Simpson's DNA was at the murder scene and the victims' blood was inside his car and his home.

Jason Simpson Theory

• Jason Simpson had developed a crush on Nicole Brown Simpson, and was angry at the lifestyle she was involved in, which included drug use.

• Jason Simpson had been known to go into violent epileptic rages and would often not remember what he had done. (Yea, epileptic people murder, like all the time.)
  

• Jason was a chef-in-training and would always carry his knife set with him. These knives were more than capable of committing the murders, and inflicting the type of wounds found on the victims.

• Jason had no alibi the night of the murders, as the restaurant he was working at was closed that night. He stated he was cooking in front of 200 people the night of the murders. However, the restaurant that he worked at during the murders could hold a maximum of 87 people at any one time. He also later stated in a civil deposition that he clocked out after the murders had taken place.

• After committing the murders, Jason called Simpson to the crime scene. Simpson struggled with his son to take the weapons from him, thus providing the detectives with the gloves and the blood evidence that would be used at his trial. Dear also believes this is where O.J. received the cut on his hand that prosecutors said was inflicted during the murders.

• O.J. tried to cover up the crime of his son because of the guilt O.J. felt as a result of being a neglectful father.

In the long run, I don't know for certain whether or not he did it. But the way he has handled himself is disgusting. I wouldn't call 911 if I found him bleeding to death in the street. Eh, who am I kidding I wouldn't tap my break if I saw him crossing the street.
Frankly, I am surprised that some crazy hasn't gotten him yet.
Still time though. Plenty of time.

So far you guys suck.

So far nobody at Poker Night or at Family Dinner Sunday has ever heard of Dominick the Christmas Donkey. You all suck.

Now it pains me to admit that I had to compromise my morals to get a copy of the song. I had to download Rachel Ray's Christmas CD. Yes, my nemesis.

She makes crappy food, crappy faces, and has an abysmal accent- but boy doesn't she looooove donkeys. And once I saw her make punch. I think you know where I am going with this....

And now for your reading pleasure:

Hatred of Rachael Ray can be a powerful uniting force
By Rob Walker | November 26, 2006

Consumer culture and indeed popular culture revolve in large part around shared admiration, shared likes: Fandom, in a word, is a thing that can bring us together.

But what about shared dislikes? Can a community form around that? What is the opposite of a fan club? The answer is the Rachael Ray Sucks Community.

Gathering by way of the blogging and social-networking site LiveJournal, this group has more than 1,000 members, who are quite active in posting their latest thoughts and observations about the various shortcomings, flaws, and disagreeable traits of Rachael Ray, the television food personality.

"This community," the official explanation reads, "was created for people that hate the untalented twit known as Rachael Ray." The most important rule for those who wish to join: "You must be anti-Rachael!"

As with any community, the key to attracting members is not just a clear core idea but one that can be fulfilled in a variety of ways. Members of the Rachael Ray Sucks Community certainly do this, criticizing her cooking skills, her over-reliance on chicken stock, her kitchen hygiene, her smile, her voice, her physical mannerisms, her clothes, her penchant for saying "Yum-o," and so on.

The founder of this enterprise is Misty Lane, 32, of Lansing, Mich., who turns out to be not an angry sociopath but an upbeat-sounding woman who punctuates every other sentence with a friendly laugh.

In the context of anti-Rachael Rayism, Lane was an early adopter: She founded the group three years ago, when Ray's "30 Minute Meals" was just another show on the Food Network. A cooking enthusiast who enjoyed picking up tips and inspiration from "true chefs," Lane complained that Ray trafficked in culinary "common knowledge." And that she kept waving her arms.

"She just used to drive me crazy," Lane says, laughing.

Sounds like a good reason to change the channel, but instead Lane started her community and alerted the 40 or so people on her LiveJournal friends list. Only a few joined, and the community remained small until it was mentioned last year (in a pro-Ray essay) in the online magazine Slate.

By then, Ray, a Cape Cod native, was on her way to becoming the pop culture juggernaut she is today, with a couple of Food Network shows, a syndicated talk show, a magazine started a year ago that is expected to top a million in circulation, plans for a restaurant, and even CDs of her favorite songs for kids and the holidays. Meanwhile, Ray-bashing has flourished, too.

Which raises a curious point: While the community is now mentioned in practically every article about Ray, and new members keep chiming in, it seems to have had no impact on Ray's rise.

Ed Keller, chief executive of the research and consulting firm Keller Fay Group, says that while some brand managers live in fear of negative chatter, what really matters in gauging "talk share" is whether positive talk dominates.

"If you've got a fan base," he says, "you can weather negative word of mouth." (And the anti-Ray sentiment may be a special case, given that many of her fans are almost certainly motivated by an anti-sentiment of their own, against complicated cooking and "foodie" culture.)

Lane has wondered why her particular community has received so much attention. "Most celebrities have anti-sites on the Internet," she points out, and so do plenty of prominent brands, such as Starbucks and Dell. Perhaps the real lesson of communities of disregard is that they're a sign of brand health: Nobody bothers to get together to hate an irrelevant entity. Where would the fun be in that?

And while the tone of the anti-Rachael movement sometimes seems a little unbalanced, fun is basically the point, Lane maintains, of her "silly hobby." She spends an hour a day or so on the site, doing basic maintenance, commenting on new posts, and, most of all, being entertained.

The anti-Ray community is funnier -- and far more active -- than any Ray fan site she has seen.

"It's nice to find like-minded people," Lane says. "You think for the longest time that you're all by yourself, and you're the crazy one for not liking something. Then you meet other people who dislike the same things you do.

"It's like a family reunion!" Lane concludes. And then she laughs, quite cheerily.

There is no justice in this world.

Bigamist 'butt' busted by wife No. 4

Tue Nov 21, 9:54 PM ET

LYNCHBURG, Va. - A man who dresses up as a giant cigarette and uses hip-hop music to encourage children in Lynchburg and beyond to avoid smoking pleaded guilty Tuesday to bigamy. Phillip Dale Williams, 37, had as many as four wives at the same time, Chuck Felmlee, deputy commonwealth's attorney, said.

Williams' fourth wife, Lashawn Stevenson, became suspicious earlier this year when her husband began receiving child support notices in the mail. When the couple wed in 2003, he told her he had never been married, Felmlee said.

Stevenson's investigation led her to a Vallejo, Calif., woman, Antoinette Borum, who told Stevenson Williams left her in 2002 with two children and no child support. When Stevenson confronted Williams, he told her he had married Borum and two other women before her, Felmlee said.

Williams told police he divorced the first wife, but not the second or Borum. Police haven't been able to contact the first two wives, Felmlee said.

Williams' attorney, Tom Current, declined to comment on the case.

Williams was known locally for playing "Douglas 'Dude' Cigarette," a character he created in 1996. He has performed in about a dozen states.

Williams faces up to 10 years in prison when he is sentenced March 9.

This ass-clown who dresses up as a rapping cigarette can get married 4 times, and I can't even get a date. Unbelievable.