Thinking about Gift Cards

I think the key to gift giving is that it should be from the heart.

Every so often I have difficulty picking a good gift for a loved one, but usually, if you know someone well enough that you buy them gifts, you should know them well enough to find something they like. I usually consider gift cards like politically correct language. Both cash and gift cards come from the same place in your heart, which is usually:
"I don't know you well enough or am too lazy to pick out a good gift."
But the gift card says it with glitter and penguins.

I also feel like a gift card is giving someone money and then chiding them to spend it in a specific manner. "Well, Bob, you can't be trusted to make your own spending decisions, so here's a financial training wheel."

Sometimes I do buy gift cards in special circumstances:
1. Money for people who really can't be trusted to spend it wisely: a Safeway gift card is slightly more likely to be used on groceries than something sketchy. Sure you can sell the card at a loss, or you can use the money you save on groceries for drugs- but at least it wasn't my money.
2. Cards to sporting events, restaurants, craft stores: Gives your recipient an understanding that you know what they like, but didn't want to box them in on dates or materials that they wouldn't prefer.
3. Cards to places the recipient frequently uses or is saving to buy something from: I'd love to help contribute to someone's new pool table, or TV.
4. I'm being a dick on purpose.

Furthermore, gift cards seem environmentally unsound.
Cash gift:
Envelope
Greeting card
Money

Gift Card:
Envelope
Greeting card
Envelope
Gift card

The end result of cash gift is paper to recycle and your stuff. The end result of gift card giving is more to recycle, your stuff, and either -$ from where you spent more than the card or $0.37 left on the card, and of course the card that the cashier throws away when it's empty.

I also read a Slate article that describes gift cards as interest free short term loans from consumers. Coupling that with the fact that you almost always spend more money than the gift card's denomination, gift cards are a great deal for the conglomerates, to whom, we already give a lot of money. It seems a bit like the exact opposite of interest- one consumer gives the loan and the other pays the company a little extra later.

In closing, ba humbug!

Just what I've always wanted.

This will be my last Christmas Obsessing Post, I promise, but I really wanted to share my awesome Christmas story. For years now I have been filled with disappointment over Christmas. My family, all of whom I love and get along with, cannot have a calm and pleasant Christmas. They just can't. I think maybe it is too many assertive people in one place, but the bottom line is that Christmas starts with buying crap for people just to buy something and ends in bickering and returns to Macy's.

My entire purpose in uprooting my life in Philadelphia and coming home was to be with my family. September 11 changed my values. Seeing my panicked NYC native friends looking for their loved ones, unable to get back to the city was horrifying. This isn't to say that I'm afraid the same thing would happen here, but part of me just realized that I needed to go home; that becoming a fancy NYC lawyer would not bring me the satisfaction and joy that I require in life.
Since I've been here I've made amazing friends and become even closer to my Uncle, Auntie, cousin Sean, and Grandparents. I am glad that I made the choices that I did.

But Christmas has been a colossal blunder every year. Fights, boredom, general discord, and of course my continued kitchen slavery have made everyone not look forward to Christmas at all. Maybe it is because we have too few children to sustain the magic, I don't know. Every year I've come up with a new plan to improve Christmas- this year's was a zen-like mantra: it is one sucky day out of 365 perfectly fine ones, suck it up and walk it off. This mantra is not really effective though, because I know that Christmas does not have to suck.

This year something new happened. I was invited to join a Christmas party held by a group of friends that I had not really gotten to know until the last few months. We had a full Christmas dinner (which I did not cook), a present exchange (in which people actually put forth effort to buy a gift that would actually be appreciated), and time afterwards to loll around and play games. I know I was hard to shop for since not everyone in the group knows me too well, and I decided to make treat boxes since I also was not certain of what to get everyone and wanted to give them something that I at least had to put effort into. (In related news I may not make another cookie until next December.) But it was not the presents which were important, this time it was actually the thought that counted.

This is the best Christmas I have ever had. There is something beautiful about a group of people who actually care about each other and can show it so perfectly by treating each other with such care and respect. This was the Christmas I have been waiting for, one that made me laugh for no reason, and one which I was sorry to see end. This is how Christmas should be.

I want to thank you guys for giving me the best present I've ever received: a perfect Christmas.

Belated Christmas Ramble- My gift to you!

Sorry, I was too busy stuffing myself silly to post a cheerful greeting yesterday.
I hope those of you who do the Christmas thing had an awesome one, and those of you who don't do Christmas enjoyed sitting around in your undies all day.

My whole 'make Christmas suck less' was not completely on key this year. I'd noticed that Christmas wasn't as big and ridiculous this year- which I guess was what I secretly hoped for, sort of. I noticed fewer snacks at work, fewer cards received, and fewer and cheaper presents than usual too. I'm guessing it is half economic and half that maybe people feel like Christmas is too stressful and out of control. This probably means that a lot of people feel like I do.

But it seams like doing less of the same simply made Christmas even more lackluster. I want new traditions! I want increased joy at doing things together instead of fewer presents. I want more time with friends and family and I want that quality of time that you sometimes need to put a little special effort into.

In my fictitious Utopian land everyone would get a stocking filled with small fun things, a new pair of pj's, a simple gift- a video game or book, and then the family would share in something nice- a vacation, gaming system, outing, new couch, whatever. Friends who exchange gifts would exchange books or small unostentatious gifts. But all this would be done together- with intent to enjoy each other and practice the thankfulness that has all but disappeared from Thanksgiving. To give gifts that would be appreciated rather than a gift that meets some monetary requirement. I want the time, money, thought, and effort I put into a present to show my appreciation for the person receiving my gift and I want them to understand and appreciate this right back.

When there is such poverty all over the world and such debt in America, pruning Christmas down to size just seems right to me. There has to be a true spirit of Christmas regardless of your belief in Christ, otherwise this whole thing- the presents, the food, all of it is just an excuse to behave recklessly with our money and health to gratify our own selfish desires.

It is like what I say to people who suggest that I can do the same work in the private sector for much greater pay. If I got paid $10,000 more a year I would just buy $10,000 more shoes. I have plenty of shoes, but what I require is to go home at the end of the day and feel good about how I spent my time. I don't think I could do that working at Microsoft or Nordstrom.
Christmas shouldn't be about shoes, it should be about people. Next year I am going to get started on the Make Christmas Awesome campaign by sewing and filling stockings for my family. Maybe all these baby steps will culminate in the magical Christmas that I've been dreaming of but it probably won't, but I always feel best when I do my best and maybe that will make everyone else feel just that much better.

Christmas Livestock Update!

The giant Swedish straw goat has survived this Christmas having been coated in flame-retardant chemicals survived attacks by Christmas-hating (or possibly goat-hating) arsonists. Having been destroyed more than half of the times it has been displayed; the giant Swedish straw Christmas goat is being hidden in a secret location until next year.

I would like it noted that in America we would have just made it out of metal and painted it beige.


Article.

Ho, ho, ho...

Merry Christmas. I had this amazing Christmas Dalek image to go with this post, but now I can't find it, so you must content yourself with my beautiful words of yuletide joy:
Wii!
Wiiiiiii!!!!!!
Wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bender

Dominick and Santa, New Year's Eve Bender

So, I still haven't made New Year's Eve plans, possibly because I am becoming a hermit. Someone should have a party, Chris. Somewhere convenient to my home, Chris. With jell-o shots, Chris. Maybe someone named Chris, Chris.

No Christmas dinner can be complete without...

reindeer sausage pasta salad.

So, would it be in bad taste to throw a maraschino cherry in there?















I love you Rudolph, with a nice vinaigrette and artisan bread.

Viva La Donkey!

Donkey fever is spreading: May 5 & Everything After.

My idea of a good time.

So I typed 'christmas livestock' into Google Images today and got:

Cooper, the Sadest Little Christmas Cow.

A case of the Mondays.

That is a prayer card with Dominick the God-Damned Italian Christmas Donkey- you doubters.

I am suffering from a case of the Mondays that even the power of tasty cookies cannot cure. Speaking of which, my antibiotics aren't working, so I'm still sick. I'm also still proofing the same bazillion record spreadsheet of doom. I want to go home and hide under my covers, but I have to proof my stupid spreadsheet.

And mean people keep calling about their affidavits, specifically the absence of their affidavits, and I want to yell at them and say, "Things That Must Not Be Named came out of my nose this morning! I am sick! I should be home! I hate you and your legal documents!!!!"

And today some morning DJ played the theme from the TV show, The Nanny, and it is in my head and won't get out. It's like the ceti eels that Khan puts in Chekov's ear to ruin Kirk's birthday party cruise thingy.

Khaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnn!

And might I add....

Hee-haw, hee-haw, hee-haw, bitches!

Nature is sneaking into your house right now...

to fuck you up.

Woman finds bat in Christmas tree
Tue Dec 5, 7:42 AM ET

NIPOMO, Calif. - Sheila Kearns had a Christmas tree delivered to her home on Sunday. She says she thought she'd been pricked by pine needles when she reached into the tree while decorating it. But the next morning, she found a bat hanging upside down in her home.

It turns out that the Christmas tree farm Kearns bought from keeps bats around for pest control and that one unwittingly hitched a ride to her home.

Animal control officials picked up the bat, which tested negative for rabies.

Kearns got a tetanus shot and some antibiotics, but says she's not fazed. She says she'll keep buying her trees from the same farm.

Be vigilant, gentle readers, for nature is wily and not to be trusted.
Last night the UPS man came to my door and I assure you I checked through the peep hole twice; just in case it was really a goose or a raccoon.
One cannot be too careful when dealing with The Rabies.

So far you guys suck.

So far nobody at Poker Night or at Family Dinner Sunday has ever heard of Dominick the Christmas Donkey. You all suck.

Now it pains me to admit that I had to compromise my morals to get a copy of the song. I had to download Rachel Ray's Christmas CD. Yes, my nemesis.

She makes crappy food, crappy faces, and has an abysmal accent- but boy doesn't she looooove donkeys. And once I saw her make punch. I think you know where I am going with this....

And now for your reading pleasure:

Hatred of Rachael Ray can be a powerful uniting force
By Rob Walker | November 26, 2006

Consumer culture and indeed popular culture revolve in large part around shared admiration, shared likes: Fandom, in a word, is a thing that can bring us together.

But what about shared dislikes? Can a community form around that? What is the opposite of a fan club? The answer is the Rachael Ray Sucks Community.

Gathering by way of the blogging and social-networking site LiveJournal, this group has more than 1,000 members, who are quite active in posting their latest thoughts and observations about the various shortcomings, flaws, and disagreeable traits of Rachael Ray, the television food personality.

"This community," the official explanation reads, "was created for people that hate the untalented twit known as Rachael Ray." The most important rule for those who wish to join: "You must be anti-Rachael!"

As with any community, the key to attracting members is not just a clear core idea but one that can be fulfilled in a variety of ways. Members of the Rachael Ray Sucks Community certainly do this, criticizing her cooking skills, her over-reliance on chicken stock, her kitchen hygiene, her smile, her voice, her physical mannerisms, her clothes, her penchant for saying "Yum-o," and so on.

The founder of this enterprise is Misty Lane, 32, of Lansing, Mich., who turns out to be not an angry sociopath but an upbeat-sounding woman who punctuates every other sentence with a friendly laugh.

In the context of anti-Rachael Rayism, Lane was an early adopter: She founded the group three years ago, when Ray's "30 Minute Meals" was just another show on the Food Network. A cooking enthusiast who enjoyed picking up tips and inspiration from "true chefs," Lane complained that Ray trafficked in culinary "common knowledge." And that she kept waving her arms.

"She just used to drive me crazy," Lane says, laughing.

Sounds like a good reason to change the channel, but instead Lane started her community and alerted the 40 or so people on her LiveJournal friends list. Only a few joined, and the community remained small until it was mentioned last year (in a pro-Ray essay) in the online magazine Slate.

By then, Ray, a Cape Cod native, was on her way to becoming the pop culture juggernaut she is today, with a couple of Food Network shows, a syndicated talk show, a magazine started a year ago that is expected to top a million in circulation, plans for a restaurant, and even CDs of her favorite songs for kids and the holidays. Meanwhile, Ray-bashing has flourished, too.

Which raises a curious point: While the community is now mentioned in practically every article about Ray, and new members keep chiming in, it seems to have had no impact on Ray's rise.

Ed Keller, chief executive of the research and consulting firm Keller Fay Group, says that while some brand managers live in fear of negative chatter, what really matters in gauging "talk share" is whether positive talk dominates.

"If you've got a fan base," he says, "you can weather negative word of mouth." (And the anti-Ray sentiment may be a special case, given that many of her fans are almost certainly motivated by an anti-sentiment of their own, against complicated cooking and "foodie" culture.)

Lane has wondered why her particular community has received so much attention. "Most celebrities have anti-sites on the Internet," she points out, and so do plenty of prominent brands, such as Starbucks and Dell. Perhaps the real lesson of communities of disregard is that they're a sign of brand health: Nobody bothers to get together to hate an irrelevant entity. Where would the fun be in that?

And while the tone of the anti-Rachael movement sometimes seems a little unbalanced, fun is basically the point, Lane maintains, of her "silly hobby." She spends an hour a day or so on the site, doing basic maintenance, commenting on new posts, and, most of all, being entertained.

The anti-Ray community is funnier -- and far more active -- than any Ray fan site she has seen.

"It's nice to find like-minded people," Lane says. "You think for the longest time that you're all by yourself, and you're the crazy one for not liking something. Then you meet other people who dislike the same things you do.

"It's like a family reunion!" Lane concludes. And then she laughs, quite cheerily.

More Christmas Livestock News

Swedes guard Christmas goat from vandals
By MATTIAS KAREN, Associated Press Writer
Sun Dec 3, 12:35 PM ET

STOCKHOLM, Sweden - For 40 years it has been torched, vandalized, had its legs cut off and even been run over by a car. But officials in the Swedish city of Gavle are guaranteeing that this year's giant straw Christmas goat — the victim of Sweden's most violent yule tradition — will survive unscathed.

The 43-foot-high goat — a centuries-old yule symbol that preceded Santa Claus as the bringer of gifts to Swedish homes — has been burned down 22 times since it was first set up in Gavle's square on Dec. 3, 1966.

But for its 40th anniversary Sunday, officials think they have finally outsmarted the resourceful vandals by dousing the battered ram with flame-resistant chemicals normally used on airplanes.

"It is impossible to burn it to the ground this year, although you might be able to singe its paws," said Anna Ostman, a spokeswoman for the committee in charge of building the goat. "After 40 years, we think we finally found the solution."

The company providing the fireproof treatment is so sure of its resilience that its spokesman Freddy Klassmo told newspaper Aftonbladet that "not even napalm can set fire to the goat now."

For those who want to follow its fate, a 24-hour Web cam has been set up to film the straw goat where it stands on the central square in Gavle, 90 miles north of Stockholm. However, the security guards that have watched over previous versions have been called off, Ostman said.

"We can sleep very soundly at night now," she said. "The goat can too."

While the origins of the Christmas goat are unclear, the symbol is believed to date back to Norse mythology and the two goats that drew the carriage of Thor, the god of thunder.

Many Swedes place a small straw goat underneath their Christmas tree, or hang miniature versions on the branches.

Since 1966, just 10 of Gavle's giant goats have survived beyond Christmas Day. Aside from being burned, several were beaten down and the 1976 goat was hit by a car.

The vandals are seldom caught, but the 2001 culprit — 51-year-old American Lawrence Jones — was convicted and spent 18 days in jail.

The 2005 vandals — who witnesses said were dressed up as Santa Claus and the Gingerbread Man — remain at large. The pair fired flaming arrows at the goat, reducing it to its steel skeleton.

I can't believe you haven't heard of Dominick The Italian Christmas Donkey

It is only the best Christmas Carol ever! It's Lou Monte and he's singing about a donkey! Who dances and understands Italian. You can keep your Away in a Manger.

Hey! Chingedy ching,
(hee-haw, hee-haw)
It's Dominick the donkey.
Chingedy ching,
(hee-haw, hee-haw)
The Italian Christmas donkey.
(la la la-la la-la la la la la)
(la la la-la la-la la-ee-oh-da)

Santa's got a little friend,
His name is Dominick.
The cutest little donkey,
You never see him kick.
When Santa visits his paisons,
With Dominick he'll be.
Because the reindeer cannot,
Climb the hills of Italy.

Hey! Chingedy ching,
(hee-haw, hee-haw)
It's Dominick the donkey.
Chingedy ching,
(hee-haw, hee-haw)
The Italian Christmas donkey.
(la la la-la la-la la la la la)
(la la la-la la-la la-ee-oh-da)

Jingle bells around his feet,
And presents on the sled.
Hey! Look at the mayor's derby,
On top of Dominick's head.
A pair of shoes for Louie,
And a dress for Josephine.
The labels on the inside says,
They're made in Brooklyn.

Hey! Chingedy ching,
(hee-haw, hee-haw)
It's Dominick the donkey.
Chingedy ching,
(hee-haw, hee-haw)
The Italian Christmas donkey.
(la la la-la la-la la la la la)
(la la la-la la-la la-ee-oh-da)

Children sing, and clap their hands,
And Dominick starts to dance.
They talk Italian to him,
And he even understands.

Cumpare sing,
Cumpare su,
And dance 'sta tarantel.
When jusamagora comes to town,
And brings du ciuccianello.

Hey! Chingedy ching,
(hee-haw, hee-haw)
It's Dominick the donkey.
Chingedy ching,
(hee-haw, hee-haw)
The Italian Christmas donkey.
(la la la-la la-la la la la la)
(la la la-la la-la la-ee-oh-da)

Hey! Dominick! Buon Natale!
(hee-haw, hee-haw)
(hee-haw, hee-haw)
(hee-haw, hee-haw)
(hee-haw, hee-haw)
(hee-haw, hee-haw)
(hee-haw, hee-haw)

Satan has always been so keen on peace.

Woman faces fines for wreath peace sign
By ROBERT WELLER, Associated Press Writer Sun Nov 26, 11:13 PM ET

DENVER - A homeowners association in southwestern Colorado has threatened to fine a resident $25 a day until she removes a Christmas wreath with a peace sign that some say is an anti-Iraq war protest or a symbol of Satan.

Some residents who have complained have children serving in Iraq, said Bob Kearns, president of the Loma Linda Homeowners Association in Pagosa Springs. He said some residents have also believed it was a symbol of Satan. Three or four residents complained, he said.

"Somebody could put up signs that say drop bombs on Iraq. If you let one go up you have to let them all go up," he said in a telephone interview Sunday.

Lisa Jensen said she wasn't thinking of the war when she hung the wreath. She said, "Peace is way bigger than not being at war. This is a spiritual thing."

Jensen, a past association president, calculates the fines will cost her about $1,000, and doubts they will be able to make her pay. But she said she's not going to take it down until after Christmas.

"Now that it has come to this I feel I can't get bullied," she said. "What if they don't like my Santa Claus."

The association in this 200-home subdivision 270 miles southwest of Denver has sent a letter to her saying that residents were offended by the sign and the board "will not allow signs, flags etc. that can be considered divisive."

The subdivision's rules say no signs, billboards or advertising are permitted without the consent of the architectural control committee.

Kearns ordered the committee to require Jensen to remove the wreath, but members refused after concluding that it was merely a seasonal symbol that didn't say anything. Kearns fired all five committee members.

Peace on earth, good will toward men- and women- even if they're assholes, and have done nothing to deserve it. Good job Lisa, a grand is a small price to pay to promote peace and love during the holidays, especially with the added bonus of pissing off morons.