Nature: biting the hand that feeds it.

I'm gonna getcha!

I've always said that pandas are number two on my list of cutiest animals that can rip of your arm. (#1= polar bears)

Not so cuddly: panda attacks zookeeper
Alternate title suggestions:

Idiot puts arm in panda enclosure.

Local zookeeper says, "arms are for losers"

Panda rejects humanity's reconciliation attempt. Surprise!

Nature: Up to no good, as usual.

Pandas are bastards.

World's only human bred panda in wild dies.


Xiang Xiang was found dead in February on snow-covered ground after apparently being mauled by wild male pandas protecting their territory, the official Xinhua news agency said.


Pandas never seem to be in the mood, so what do they care if a new panda shows up?
It's like carrying a box of Twinkies around and bitch slapping anyone who asks for one. It's not like anyone actually eats Twinkies, right?
Right?

Oh the humanity!!

Now Nature is attacking our children and animatronic 3 Dog Night singing animals. Headline:
Deer Crashes Through Chuck E. Cheese

The human response to Nature's repeated attacks: sexual harassment. Headline: Confiscated monkey sent sexually explicit audio tapes
Worthwhile quotes:
“(Darwin) [the monkey, not the scientist] is very dangerous,” said Amy Early, one of the Plano Animal Services Officers who transported Darwin. “(Rhesus Macaque Monkeys) will go straight for your face and tear into you. They have the strength of six men and inch-and-a-half incisors [sic].”
I know that I for one require a man with the strength of at least 5 men, so this is not totally out of line.

In other news: Fat Thai Panda, like many women, is totally not turned on by porn. This is the same panda that was formerly too fat to mate. Well if it's not one thing it's another. If you're into panda porn, here's the link, you dirty pervert. Maybe you can send it a sexually explicit audio tape. Freak.

Panda sex, panda sex, panda sex; is that all you ever think about?

More Panda Sex over at the Associated Press
We are so obsessed with panda sex. Every day I swear there is a new how to get pandas to make sweet sweet panda love article.
I'm beginning to think that people think more about how to get pandas to get some then they actually try to get some themselves.
The article is about a panda that is officially too fat to have sex. Well, him and 50% of American humans can bite me, assuming that they can make it up the stairs.

I have got to stop thinking about this....

'Atlanta Beauty': Zoo names new panda
By DORIE TURNER, Associated Press Writer 35 minutes ago
ATLANTA - Children sang and performers put on a lively dance Friday as Zoo Atlanta unveiled the name of the nation's newest panda cub — Mei Lan, a 12-pound ball of adorableness too young to attend the hoopla.
Mei Lan, which officials said means "Atlanta Beauty," was the most popular name in an online poll at the Atlanta Journal-Constitution's Web site out of 10 names chosen by the zoo, media organizations and residents in China's Sichuan Province, where the Chengdu panda refuge and breeding center is located.
Little Peach and Bright Star were among the other choices in the poll that drew 57,000 online votes.
Chengdu Director Zhang Zhihe said Mei Lan, pronounced "may-lan," has male overtones, a gift Chinese parents bestow on female children whom they want to step outside traditional roles for women.
"It means her parents want her to be as capable as a boy," Zhang said. "It is a beautiful name."
Lion dancers performed to ensure good luck and prosperity for little Mei Lan, and Chinese-American children sang "Panda Mimi" in Chinese.
The honoree did not make an appearance but could be seen via video feed sleeping in her secluded habitat.
Mei Lan took her first shaky steps in seclusion this week, a milestone that means her public debut is just a few weeks away. Until the debut, panda fans have been keeping up with the cub and her mother, Lun Lun, on the zoo's online panda cam.
Nine-year-old Lun Lun gave birth Sept. 6 to the fifth giant panda born at a U.S. zoo in the last six years.
Mei Lan will return eventually to Chengdu to breed. Lun Lun was inseminated in March through a new process that aims to get a nearly pure semen sample from a male panda using massage, zoo officials said.
After several years of trying, the zoo artificially inseminated Lun Lun at the end of March.
Dennis Kelly, the zoo's president and CEO, said the zoo hopes to impregnate Lun Lun again in 18 months.
"This is a happy day along a journey that's going to continue," Kelly said after the ceremony. "We expect more work will be done."

I don't even know where to go with this. If I were not using my cousin's computer I would download a picture of a panda smoking a cigarette with a big smile on his face.

In other news, 'panda' is apparently a common slang term for a police car.

Screw cuteoverload.com, try pandafix.com.

Industrial Strength Cute.

















Just watch out, one of the links is "Panda Lovemaking" I don't know what this is about, but perhaps it is the panda porn I have been vaguely curious about.

You know pandas don't just do it, they make loooooooooove.

I am a terrible person.

Panda accidentally crushes cub in China
1 hour, 34 minutes ago

BEIJING - A new panda mother who gave birth to twins this week accidentally crushed one of her newborns in her sleep, state media said Friday.

Ya Ya, who lives in the south China's Chongqing Zoo, delivered the twin cubs about an hour apart on Tuesday. One was taken to the Wolong Giant Panda Protection and Research Center, also in Sichuan province, while the other cub stayed with Ya Ya.

After falling asleep late Thursday for the first time since her labor, Ya Ya apparently crushed her newborn while it was nursing, the official Xinhua News Agency said on its Web site.

A zoo handler noticed the cub, which weighed only about three ounces, had fallen away motionless from her mother's nipple, it said. Zoo staff took the cub away while Ya Ya was still asleep and an autopsy showed that its heart, liver and other organs had been crushed.

The report said that Ya Ya searched around for her cub after waking up, then appeared depressed, laying listlessly in her zoo enclosure.

The report did not say if zoo staff would try to reunite the mother with her other cub.

Ya Ya was mated with 11-year-old Ling Ling from Wolong in April. The pandas watched a mating video before breeding.

Last month, the government announced the birth of four sets of panda twins. China has more than 180 pandas living in captivity, according to the government.

A 2002 government census found there were just 1,596 pandas left in the wild. But state media has said a new study by Chinese and British scientists has found there might be as many as 3,000.

So I was very sad when reading this article. Until I hit the following:
"The pandas watched a mating video before breeding."

Panda porn. No wonder the damn things are endangered. Did they have to light some candles and play mood music too?


Ok fine. I feel a bit bad about mocking pandas, so here, to make up for it:


If that isn't the cutest thing you've seen in a month I am bitterly jealous.

Get off my panda, bitches!

Everyone who lives in the Washington DC area, stop hogging the baby panda. You can take the metro to go see it. I can’t. I HAVE to watch it be fucking ridiculously cute over the internet. It is the only cute thing I see all day and damn it, it’s the NATIONAL zoo. That means it’s my zoo too, so quite taking up all the bandwidth! Bastards.

http://nationalzoo.si.edu/Animals/GiantPandas/