Helen Mirren, my hero.

She is so smart. So funny. So sophisticated and graceful in a way that implies strength, knowledge, and charm. It is hard to be candid, smart, and relatable while still holding on to an air of grace as she does.

She is a person I watch when I think of the kind of person I want to be.

Well, what if I don't enjoy being a girl?

This is a post I wrote some time ago and then didn't bother to post. So here it is, late:

What then, I ask you, dear readers. What then?

Yesterday as I was beautifying myself (read removing perfectly good, perfectly natural hair from my person) I was thinking about all the effort that I put into my appearance. Things to be plucked, cut, painted, powdered, filed, waxed, shaved, curled, washed- sometimes twice in different substances, dried, straightened, moisturized, deodorized, and perfumed. And I am not even a high maintenance girl.

And I don't even do all of these things for myself. In fact, tomorrow I'm having a stranger scrub the rough spots off of my feet, trim my toenails, and decorate them. (Newsflash! I can reach my own feet.)

How on Earth did this all come about? This week I bought face wash, body wash, shaving cream, shampoo, toothpaste, TWO kinds of lotion and powder made from beetle bits to put above my eyes (in order that people will say, "Well Gladys, look at how BROWN those eyes are. They are precisely as brown as poo. Or maybe dirt."), and a sponge that looks a little bit like an alien sheep.

If you think about the fact that I make essentially no money, less than your average American citizen, and yet I manage to spend x energy and y time and z resources.

This morning I:
weighed myself
brushed my teeth
swished fluoride
washed my hair
conditioned my hair
shaved
washed my face with one soap
and body with another
anointed myself with THREE different lotions
applied deodorant
dressed myself
used 2 kinds of powder
applied bronzer
applied blush
blow dried my hair with TWO different dryers
straitened my hair
used hair product
used brow gel
applied 3 shades of eyeshadow
curled my eye lashes
applied clear mascara
filled my nalgene bottle
walked out the door

Sure this is a bit more effort than I put in every day, but on days when I meet with clients I like to look professional.

Here is a simulation of what I assume Steve did this morning.
played with himself
washed hair (possibly more)
brushed his teeth
applied deodorant
put on clothes
wandered out confusedly

I, like morning Steve, am confused by why I feel I must shave or pluck my hair. Why I wear colored dust above my eyes. Why people feel like I should.

Meh... I guess I neither understand, nor enjoy "being a girl". But it could be worse; there are scarier places to be a girl than America today. (Although reality TV may yet convince me otherwise.)

Links! Oh boy!

Wanna see some HOT space shuttle processing pix? You know you do, Nerd.


Jezebel brings us a Statistical Guide to Why You're Not Getting Laid. Showing the statistical imbalance between the genders by geographical location. (AKA the chart in National Geographic that my Grammy used to point out that I have no excuse for not having provided her with grandbabies.)
Summary:
If you live in Seattle you are not getting laid because you are either:
1. A dude
2. Utterly useless (see: Quiana)
If you live in New York it is because you are either:
1. A lady-person
2. Not wearing the new Prada Spring Collection.


Rush Limbaugh is a pathetic piece of shit who doesn't deserve a name and who will be roasting in the pits of hell (and judging by his physical condition- rather soon).
RL says that feminists hate men and get 2 0r 3 abortions and that is why they vote for Hillary Clinton.
I know that my hating of men often culminates in huge amounts of unprotected sex. I always fuck that which I hate. (Strange side note: I also hate seafood. Anyone up for an aquarium run?)


Having now slithered through the slime which is RL's uncomplicated, bigoted, misogynistic, drug-addled mind, I think it is time for some Muppets.

Blow Jobs vs. My Little Pony

So I don't know if you are aware, but my tutoring students tell me that BJ Parties are all the rage. These are girls in the tween to teen ages.
You recall 7 Minutes in Heaven, with the awkward smooching, this is just like that but with non-reciprocated oral sex.

Can you imagine? (Of course you can, Pervert.) When I was in junior high I was still attending sleep overs where we were illicitly watching... don't tell... Dirty Dancing. Considered too racy for us to watch.

I am all about children not being raised to think that sex is dirty, but I can't understand how this came to be common place. Obviously teenagers have sex, but I can't imagine being persuaded to give a blow job at age 12. I wasn't even sexually interested in men at that age.

I've been wondering if sexualized girl-figures like Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera are a symptom of early sexualiztion in girls or a cause. Everyone is craving acceptance, and maybe becoming a dispenser of BJ's make these girls think that they are being desirable or cool?

I just would like any young person reading this know that sex acts should make both partners happy. Sex is reciprocal.

Also you should know that there is such a thing as gonorrhea of the throat, among other dangers.

Jezebel has an article up about the decline in (girl) scouting, which is how I got onto this topic in the first place. The point of which is that Girl Scouts doesn't resonate with our youth today because interests have shifted. (To Cock?)

Possible evidence of the failure of Abstinence Only Ed

First rise in U.S. teen births since '91
The US policy on sex ed reminds me of small children who cover their eyes so you can't see them.
The whole thing ticks me off. Republicans must love "welfare moms" as they are raising an entire generation of them.

Conservative Parents Would Rather their Daughters Die of Cervical Cancer than Admit that Sex is a Choice

Forbes is reporting that Merck, the company that has developed the first cervical cancer vaccine is pressuring the government to add their vaccine to the official government list of highly recommended vaccines for girls.

Conservative groups are saying that this will increase promiscuity. Does this remind you of the whole "not killing my daughter if she has sex will encourage her to have sex" argument?

I hate that these people would rather risk exposing their child to getting HPV from their legally wed spouse who only slept with one other person one time, before they found God. Or more likely from the person they illicitly sleep with - who, I might add, will probably be in their youth group.

When will people get it through their stupid heads' that teens will have sex no matter what the risks? That loving your child is loving them even if they make mistakes?

What would Jesus do? Probably not unnecessarily risk his child's life.

Murder, still totally ok in Jordan.

The AP is running an article about a Jordanian man who, after having his daughter checked for her virginity, (how this works, I do not know) shot her- even though he signed a contract saying he wouldn't. They made him sign a contract. Hold on, I'm still stuck on this. They made him sign a contract saying that he wouldn't hurt his own daughter. Incidentally, according to doctors, she died a virgin.

According to the article, on average, 20 Jordanian women are murdered in so-called honor killings a year. The government of Jordan has recently upgraded the penalty for honor killings to be more on par with homicides. The maximum prison sentence: 15 years.

The part of the article that got me was: "But attempts to introduce harsher sentences have been blocked by conservative lawmakers who argue that tougher penalties would lead to promiscuity." You think? Yea, it probably would. But hey, you know what statistic would drop? Murder.

I still can't believe that this kind amoral crap is still being preached by "men of God." Let me just mention that God is watching and I'm guessing that he isn't for murder. War, yes. Justice, yes. Shooting your daughter in the face to protect your reputation. Probably not.

Add one more person to the list of people who can blow me.

'Crocodile Hunter' exploited animals, critic says

Feminist author Greer says 'It’s no surprise that he came to grief.’

(Why must they ALWAYS throw in the word feminist. This isn't about gender, but throwing in feminist makes it look more like she is a freak-- which she is, don't get me wrong. But I'm a feminist and my views on documentaries about animals have nothing to do with gender.)

SYDNEY, Australia - Feminist academic Germaine Greer said on Wednesday she hoped the death of Australian “Crocodile Hunter” Steve Irwin would mark the end of what she called exploitative nature documentaries, a discordant note amid floods of tributes.

Irwin died in a freak diving accident off Australia’s northeast coast on Monday after he was hit in the chest by the serrated barb from a stingray’s tail.

Echoing comments she made this week in Britain’s Guardian newspaper, Australian-born Greer likened Irwin to a lion tamer and said he had intruded on the habitats of animals and treated them with “massive insensitivity.”

“It’s no surprise that he came to grief,” Greer told Nine Network television. “We now have enough respect for lions to be embarrassed if we see someone trying to crack whips at them and wave chairs at them. Jumping all over crocodiles is the same kind of thing.”

(Yes, it isn't particularly surprising, however, caging lions and dragging them around the midwest is entirely different than the amazing education about conservation- especially of the most dangerous and frightening of creatures- that Irwin undertook. Those kinds of creatures have a great appeal to young men, and I think that interesting more men in conservation is imperative.)

Greer, an award-winning author, is a frequent critic of personalities like British soccer star David Beckham and social trends like reality television.

In 2003 she criticized J.R.R. Tolkien’s “Lord of the Rings” trilogy for attracting “spaced-out hippies, environmentalists, free-market libertarians, social conservatives, pacifists, new-age theosophists, sexists and racists the world over.”

(Oh please.)

Irwin’s death has prompted outpourings of grief and sympathy from around the world, dominating local newspapers and clogging Internet news sites.

His “Crocodile Hunter” documentaries for U.S.-based television company Discovery Channel’s Animal Planet were seen by tens of millions of viewers around the world. He became famous for flirting with death as he wrestled crocodiles, swam with sharks and handled some of the world’s deadliest snakes and spiders.

Greer said she found the Irwin phenomenon "embarrassing," although she understood the sadness at his death.

“I’m not saying that’s not sad, I’m saying what might be over now is this kind of exploitation of animals,” Greer said.

(Not like eating them. Or keeping them prisoners in your house and making them wear little sweaters. Or riding them. Or milking them or stealing their eggs. Or wearing various bits of them.)

“I am sick and tired of programs that tell me that the world is full of wicked, nasty, powerful, deadly creatures. Why does Australia set itself up to be made into this hellhole?” she said.

(The world is full of powerful and deadly creatures. Sorry about that. I wouldn't go so far as to say a shark is wicked or particularly nasty... as it is an animal. Furthermore, every animal in Australia can kill you. Poisonous everything. People in England sent their prisoners there. I'm just saying. I still want to go there. I'm just not going to rub myself in honey and go lay in the lawn.)

Very angry.

Rape law rankles some Pakistan lawmakers
Tue Sep 5, 5:25 PM ET

ISLAMABAD, Pakistan - Lawmakers from a coalition of six Islamic groups threatened on Tuesday to vacate their parliamentary seats if Pakistan's government changes a rape law criticized by human rights activists.

A walkout by the 68 lawmakers could destabilize the government of President Gen. Pervez Musharraf, criticized by Islamic parties since his ruling party last month presented a bill to amend the law in a bid to protect women's rights.

Pakistan's National Assembly has 344 members. A walkout could force by-elections.

Under the current law, approved by a former military dictator in 1979, prosecuting a rape case requires testimony from four witnesses, making punishment almost impossible because such attacks are rarely public.

A woman who claims she was raped but fails to prove her case can be convicted of adultery, punishable by death.

Maulana Fazalur Rahman, a leader of the Islamic coalition, said Tuesday that lawmakers in his group would vacate their seats in the National Assembly if the government tries to get the assembly's approval to change the law.

"We will render every sacrifice for the protection of the Shariah (traditional Islamic) laws," he said at a news conference.

However, the ruling Pakistan Muslim Party — which has a majority in the assembly — has praised Musharraf for taking steps to amend the law and end the four-witness requirement.

Ready for a Bryn Mawr moment? Great. I absolutely cannot believe this garbage is going on to this date. I am doing the typing equivalent of sputtering in sheer anger. Let me just put it this way, if the Islamic Coalition vacates their seats, I'm not complaining. Incidentally, I hope these guys enjoy heat because they are going to be chilling with Warren Jeffs in that special place in hell. I'm so frustrated, I don't even know what to do. I know what I'm not going to do though: go to Pakistan.