Snacks: Delicious Treats or Road to Unexpected Case of the Clap

Sunday morning I fetched Kim from her friend's house, stopped by Tim's, and went to the enormous Asian mall in Richmond where I procured a ton of crap I don't need including:

Garbage can in shape of pig.

Sticky notes featuring a mouse driving a wedge of cheese with "Cheese Driving" emblazoned along the top in a jaunty font. (Sidenote: jaunty font is a very fun phrase to say aloud.)

Straws featuring giraffes and space shuttles. (Shhhhhhh! Do not tell my roommate that I bought more straws.)

Blueberry Pocky

Kiwi fruit candy.

Bacon roll.

(I did not purchase the Doraemon Steering Wheel Cover that I coveted, as I did not know the size of my steering wheel. I think I will get a Totoro one on ebay instead. Or maybe Mario Bros.)

We arrived at the border at 1 something and sat and sat and sat. In fact we counted two (2!) nose pickers. We also learned that the Duty Free store pipes music outside. Music chosen to encourage large amounts of alcohol purchasing? C+C Music Factory. (This was either on loop or C + C Music Factory has the longest songs in musical history. It was like watching the Ring Cycle, but with nose picking and heavy base.)

The line was moving so slowly that a guy actually refused to turn his car back on to creep forward and instead would hop out and push every few minutes. I suggested that Kim get out and push our car, but she seemed utterly unconcerned with the fate of the polar ice caps. (Sorry polar bears, you have to drown because Kim does not care.)

Eventually we made our way towards the front of our line, only to find that our lane was being merged into the other lane at the border and in spite of the fact that we ended up next to the same truck we started next to, I had drive all Philly style to cut into the other lane. (This is because people who drive F350's without a hitch are actually enormous assholes.)

At long last we got to the front (at 3ish) and experienced a fairly normal crossing until the following exchange:

Large Stern Looking Boarder Guard: You bringing anything back with you?

Q: Just snacks.

LSLBG: [handing us our papers] Ok, have a gr.... Wait what kind of snacks? Ya'll don't mean ecstasy do you, cause I don't want you to get past here and then when you get down there be all 'we told the border guard we had snacks' [impression replete with falsetto].

Q: Uhmmmmmmm. No, ketchup chips and candy.

LSLBG: Ok then, have a safe trip.

Q: Ok. Thanks. [To Kim] Barooooo?

Do not believe Canda's lies.

They too are assholes.
Canada's Supreme Court just struck down indefinite detention. Apparently they also were holding "terror suspects" without charges or trial.
That was real cute, Canada. Trying to make us look like the bad guys... "oooh I'm Canada, I am so liberated and high minded... ... you Americans are terrible people. Have fun torturing your detainees in your secret torture gulags. I'm gonna go score me some pot and free health care."

Snuffy-esque.

I have a cold from all the huggy-smoochy garbage at the funeral last week, hence the lowered blog output. Sorry!


Numbered thoughts:
1. Madonna is an idiot. I can't believe she stole a baby. She is so digusting.
2. I caught an interesting story out of Canada this morining, I thought I would share.

Postal staff walk off job to show ire at AIDS tract
Anti-gay pamphlets shouldn't be delivered because they're hate speech, union says
ROBERT MATAS

VANCOUVER -- Vancouver postal workers are willing to tough it out through sleet, hail, snow and fog to deliver the mail. But even on a mild day, they will not handle what they consider homophobic hate literature.

Sixty postal workers at an east Vancouver substation walked off the job yesterday, refusing to process a 27-page booklet distributed this week across Canada by the Fundamental Baptist Mission of Waterford, Ont. They returned to work 15 minutes later, saying they received assurances that Canada Post would review the matter.

"It's a basic principle -- you don't deliver hate literature," Ken Mooney, president of the Vancouver local of the Canadian Union of Postal Workers, said in an interview.

But Canada Post later refused to acknowledge that workers had walked out or that officials would review the policy on mail delivery.

"They did not walk out; they were taking a break. That is what we are calling it," Lillian Au, communications manager for Canada Post's Pacific region, said in an interview. "They are entitled to two 15-minute coffee breaks and after they took their break, they came back and continued to work. We do not consider that to be a walkout."

Canada Post will deliver the pamphlet, Ms. Au also said. "It did not go out [Thursday] but it will be going out. Our commitment to the client, the sender, is that we have a three-day window to deliver that piece of mail. . . . It is business as usual."

Rev. Sterling Clark, a Baptist pastor for almost 60 years, wrote most of the booklet at the centre of the controversy. The front-page headline on The Prophetic Word, which provoked the protest, reads: The Plague of this 21st Century: The Consequences of the sin of Homosexuality (AIDS).

The article holds homosexuality responsible for the deaths for AIDS victims and social problems related to AIDS. An editorial in the booklet states that homosexuals are not nation-builders because they do not have children "and thereby contribute to the death of a nation." (I think they'd better off banning school if they want to promote a population boom.)

Mr. Clark, 77, dismissed the allegation that he had written a piece of homophobic hate literature. "What do they mean by hate? Is it a matter they do not agree with? Is it coming down to, you have one point of view and I have another, and that is classified as hate?" Mr. Clark said in an interview.

He did not retreat from the message of his booklet. He said AIDS is a plague sweeping the world that can be stopped by people honouring monogamous relationships between husband and wife.

He said that homosexuality was responsible for the problems caused by AIDS because homosexuals were responsible for the start of AIDS.

Mr. Clark said he wrote the booklet to draw attention to the fact that the Black Death in the 14th century was caused by fleas, rats and rodents, but AIDS was caused by people and their lifestyle. He wanted to say that so many people are dead and dying from AIDS because they lead an unhealthy lifestyle and that the AIDS "plague" points to a prophetic fulfilment of Scripture about the second coming of Jesus Christ.

Mr. Mooney, of the postal union, said the booklet is a diatribe against the gay community, blaming homosexuals for the demise of Western civilization. Postal workers wanted to take a stand against the distribution of the material. "We have a lot of gay members in the work force. I have a gay brother; most of us know someone who has died from AIDS," he said. "Maybe your son died of AIDS and you are going to get this. It is so offensive."

Mr. Mooney said he believes the line between freedom of expression and hate literature is clear. "Circumstances and facts surrounding each case are going to dictate the outcome. But as a business, I think Canada Post has a social responsibility to take a stand on this," he said. "For a few bucks, they have entered into delivery for hate mail. Why?"

Canada Post may ensure the material is delivered, he added. But the mail will not be delivered by union members. It could be by an outside contractors or supervisors, he said.

Ms. Au said Canada Post does not intend to back down.

"We recognize people have opinions, but if they have an issue with this particular piece of mail, they should direct their concerns to the author of the piece, the sender, or take it up with the police," she said. "We don't have the right to censor the mail."

Canada Post reviews mail for safety reasons to ensure it does not pose a threat to workers and to determine whether the size is suitable for delivery by a postal workers. It also checks whether mail includes sexually explicit images.

"As far as whether it is hate mail, we don't look at that. It's not part of our mandate," Ms. Au said.

Jason Gratl, president of the B.C. Civil Liberties Association, said the booklet should not be distributed if the material is hate literature as defined by federal law. "Employees should not be required by their employers to commit crimes," he said.

"As much as we don't like the idea of Canada Post screening the contents of the material they distribute, it is probably a good idea to determine whether or not the material constitutes a criminal offence," Mr. Gratl also said. However, he had not seen the booklet and declined to express an opinion on whether it could be considered hate literature.

Confusing news

According to the Ottowa Citizen there is some kind of new system being developed to enable Canadians to cross the border using smart id cards rather than passports. Am I to assume that either we have instructed Canada to change their licensing system or that in order to facilitate travel and to creepily track our whereabouts, both countries are getting new smart ID cards by 2008? Does this mean that I am going to have to shell out another 25$ for a new license in 2008, because I've had TWO 25$ new license charges in the last year, and I'm pretty butthurt about it.
The passport rule for crossing the border isn't to go into effect until 2008, and I guess a lot of folks don't have passports due to the expense. I do feel a bit like a passport is only like 40$ and is good for ten years, so just cough up the dough and suck it up.
Incidentally, my mom mentioned a while ago that gas is over 5$ a gallon in Canada. Ponder that.
Furthermore, Pop Culture Junk Mail is reporting that some Starbucks in Canada and in New England are offering Maple Lattes. Very very jealous.

the Canadian-American 'freindship' must be stopped

No, really. My fellow Americans, how can we be friends with the people who foisted Carrot Top, Celine Dion, Sarah McLaughlin, and Bryan Adams on us? Did you ever really love a woman? Jesus! Come on you guys, their mascot is the beaver!!

We had a Canadian-American Friendship Celebration last Sunday, wherein they closed the main border crossing North of Seattle for 5 hours. I sat for well over an hour at my super secret commercial truck crossing entrance trying to get back from visiting my mother (that traitor!) in Vancouver.Apparently this whole closed border thing was all over the American news, but was it on the news in Canada? No, because some lady in Ontario survived a bear attack. Screw that, you know what's a successful day? When you don't get attacked by a bear. In fact, I have had thousands of bear-free days in succession-- put me on the news, damn it! Did they put the announcement up on the BORDER CROSSING INFORMATION BOARD in advance so that people entering Canada would know that they would be helplessly trapped, forced to listen to Bachman Turner Overdrive, Avril Levine, Bare Naked Ladies, Sum 41, and Celine Dion for an HOUR while trapped behind a convincing look alike of the EXTREME!!!!! truck from Harold and Kumar?? Did a helpful Canadian news anchor remind me to keep at least $1.25 in Canadian cash so that I could buy ice cream while waiting in line?? No!!! I guess the ice cream guys new the border was going to be closed; maybe they were watching the AMERICAN NEWS!

And as for you, Canada, let's just chat about our friendship. What have you done for US lately?

Let me go first, we give you:
-our popular culture
-the ability to have no military force
-someone to foist blame on
-a reason to wear tiny red leaves on everything to show everyone that you are just like Americans, but leafier.
-places to send your refugee doctors (those who would like to repay their student loans)
-the ability to crow about having better hockey players
-one military victory

You give us:
-Ryan Reynolds (now available in the US)
-maple syrup (available in the US)
-t-shirts with beavers on them (also available in the US)
-a place to flee to when drafted (available in Brazil)

Canada, with a friend like you, who needs an enemy? We're just gonna go hang out with Israel and Syria. They're our real friends.