Cher is a ho.

This is an outfit that Cher is auctioning off; it is called "Rock and Roll Outfit."
I would call it a "Transvestite Biker Prostitute Outfit."
Also, since when is undies, a leather jacket, and saddle stockings an "outfit?"

No, really, I'm just happy to see you.

Police: Men smuggled monkeys in pants; also leopard cubs, orchids, birds of paradise

By Lisa Sweetingham, Court TV Tue Sep 19, 5:42 PM ET

LOS ANGELES (Court TV) - When the rare birds of paradise escaped from his suitcase and flew over the heads of U.S. Customs Agents at Los Angeles International Airport, Robert Cusack decided it was best to confess that, yes, he did have more to declare.

"I have monkeys in my pants," Cusack told the agents.

Cusack, 49, had just gotten off a plane from Thailand and was immediately taken into custody.

Two endangered slow loris pygmy monkeys were rescued from Cusack's underwear.

For attempting to smuggle four birds of paradise, two lorises and 50 rare orchids into the United States on June 13, 2002, Cusack served five and a half months in prison and paid $1,200 in fines.

But Cusack wasn't alone.

His traveling companion, Chris Edward Mulloy, allegedly sneaked two newborn Asian leopard cats past the customs agents.

Authorities believe Mulloy, 45, hid the felines in hand-carried luggage, checked into a nearby hotel, and called his sister Darlah Kaye Mulloy to ask for her help in getting rid of the contraband cats.

On Monday, Chris Mulloy was arrested by federal authorities in Palm Springs on four counts of illegally importing wildlife, receiving, concealing and transporting wildlife, and making false statements to the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service.

He will be arraigned next week and faces up to 20 years in prison if convicted of all charges.

Darlah Mulloy, 48, has not been arrested, but was named along with her brother in a February grand jury indictment on two counts of illegally receiving, concealing, and transporting wildlife, and attempting to obstruct justice and tamper with a witness.

Authorities said they were aided by a tipster in their four-year investigation.

A spokesman from the U.S. Attorney's off ice, Thom Mrozek, says Darlah Mulloy's son gave one of the leopards to a former girlfriend, who lives in Foothill Ranch, Orange County.

"She still has it. It's kind of skittish. She's been caring for it for three years now so we don't want to disturb it more than necessary," Mrozek said, adding that they are currently searching for a suitable - and legal - home for the wildcat.

The other leopard cat journeyed from Mulloy's luggage to a friend who was unable to care for it, and ultimately on to the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service in Texas, where Mrozek says it is being cared for by a wildlife facility.

The lorises, Mrozek says, found a home at the Los Angeles County Zoo. But the four birds of paradise all died.

"That is a not uncommon result of wildlife smuggling," Mrozek said. "These animals die all the time because of the stress of being stuffed into a box and smuggled in. The birds, I think it was the stress of the very long travel and who knows what kind of shape they were in."

While Cusack's monkey-in-pants method might seem bizarre, it's not so far-fetched.

"We had a guy who did it with snakes about eight or nine years ago coming in from Mexico," Mrozek says. "You name it, it's been done."

Smuggling rare animals and plants into the country undermines conservation efforts, and the potential economic and ecological consequences can be devastating, Mrozek says.

"In some cases, we're talking about animals that potentially carry diseases like avian flu," Mrozek says. "We did a case a number of years ago in which animals were affected with Exotic Newcastle disease - and that can wipe out an entire industry."

They've also confiscated snakeheads - a type of top-predator fish that can live for short periods on land.

"They will eat everything, so they will decimate the ecology of any body of water they're in," Mrozek says. "There are all kinds of potentially extraordinary problems we face with wildlife smuggling."

Honestly, I am just frustrated that the headline implied that ALL of the animals were in his pants at once and they weren't.

And as for those "slow" loris monkeys, I can't help but feel those little guys were moving pretty fast.

Incidentally, I heard this story on Wait, Wait... Don't Tell Me and in order to find the text I typed the following into Google: "monkeys in my pants news" I might add that when I typed "monkeys in my pants" I did NOT find the news article.

Final thought: How the hell did I miss this when it happened?

Super busy weekend

Last weekend I was so extremely busy.
Friday, Quincy and I had a playdate with my favorite dog-sitting client, Theo. Quincy had a great time romping about with Theo and using his skills of cuteness to beg tennis balls off of the sentimental fellows at the courts.















Saturday, Melody and I caught a Mariners game, then got a beer, then had dinner at Chutney's in Cap Hill, then had cocktails. The game was great, the food was great. Very similar to love.











Later in the evening Theo's parents and I went to see Bombay Dreams at the 5th Ave. Theater. The show was very cute. My favorite part of the show was a very inebriated fellow who would whoop and yell at innappropriate intervals. As time progressed he would yell exciting comments, such as "slut" and "get over it."
I was amazed that the staff didn't bounce him. He could barely walk down the steps.


















Sunday Jeni and I attended a Mariner's game as well. It was a great game, but I left there so full of pulled pork and shishkaberries that I had to waddle home.














Later that night I watched The Testament of Dr. Mabuse with my uncle.
Amazing. Just great. If you haven't seen this movie, shame on you. Fritz Lang's film making was amazing especially considering that he made the film in the 30's.

Don't say there's nothing to do in the doldrums.

Things to do (if you are also a dork):

Lee Smolin: ‘The Trouble with Physics’
At Pacific Science Center Eames Imax Theatre
Friday, September 29 at 7:30 pm.
Renowned theoretical physicist Lee Smolin argues that physics—the basis for all other science—has lost its way. The problem is string theory: no part of it has been proven and no one knows how to prove it. Smolin charts its rise and fall and looks at what will replace it. He describes a group of young theorists which has begun to develop new ideas that are, unlike string theory, testable. A former string theorist himself, Smolin delivers this wake-up call in his new book, The Trouble with Physics: The Rise of String Theory, the Fall of a Science and What Comes Next.
Tickets are $5 at the door only.

Dead Sea Scrolls: Debates, Questions, and Mysteries
Wednesday, October 4 , 7:30 PM
Pacific Science Center hosts an exhibition featuring the Dead Sea Scrolls from September 23-January 7. Considered by many to be the most significant archeological find of the 20th century, these biblical and sectarian manuscripts date from 250 B.C.E. – 68 B.C.E. Apparently the library of a Jewish sect, they are the earliest known manuscripts of the Hebrew Bible (Old Testament), written primarily in Hebrew and Aramaic. A distinguished lecture series presented by Pacific Science Center at Town Hall explores the context and science of this exhibition. Scott Noegel, Professor of Biblical and Ancient Near Eastern Studies and Chair of the Department of Eastern Languages and Civilization at the University of Washington explores the “Debates, Questions, and Mysteries” of the scrolls. $15 Tickets & info
Tickets are $15. Visit www.pacificsciencecenter.org for tickets and more information. Tickets also available at Pacific Science Center ticket booths.

Cultural Politics of Race and Rights in Japan
John H. Davis, Jr.
When: Thursday, October 5th, 2006 - 3:30 PM
Where: Thomson 317
Details:
John H. Davis, Jr. (Anthropology, Michigan State University) examines the shifting relationship between race, culture, and rights on display in Japan's first human rights museum and argues that the multi-culturalism central to many human rights initiatives around the world have the (unintended) effect of reinforcing the marginalization of minority populations in Japan.

Dead Sea Scrolls: ‘The Stories They Tell’
Wednesday, October 11 , 7:30 PM
Pacific Science Center hosts an exhibition featuring the Dead Sea Scrolls from September 23-January 7. Considered by many to be the most significant archeological find of the 20th century, these biblical and sectarian manuscripts date from 250 B.C.E. – 68 B.C.E. Apparently the library of a Jewish sect, they are the earliest known manuscripts of the Hebrew Bible (Old Testament), written primarily in Hebrew and Aramaic. A distinguished lecture series presented by Pacific Science Center at Town Hall explores the context and science of this exhibition. Martin Abegg, Professor and Co-Director of the Dead Sea Scrolls Institute at Trinity Western University, has created a concordance for the sectarian portions of the scrolls. $15 Tickets & info
Tickets are $15. Visit www.pacificsciencecenter.org for tickets and more information. Tickets also available at Pacific Science Center ticket booths.

Seattle Follies: Rick Steves' ‘Axis of Evil’
Thursday, October 12 , 7:30 PM Travel authority and TV personality Rick Steves co-hosts Seattle Follies, taking attendees on a whirlwind tour though satirical and topical stories of the day, including visits to the stunning sights and sites of North Korea, Iran, and other “Axis of Evil” countries. He’ll be joined by co-host Mike Egan, voted funniest man on Washington, DC’s Capitol Hill—and he wasn’t even an elected oficial at the time!!! Stephanie Pure, making a first run for elected office as a candidate in the hotly contested 43rd District Democratic primary will talk about the experiences and absurdities of running a political campaign. Providing music will be long-time Seattle cabaret favorite songstress Joanne Klein, and Rob Jones, a Follies regular who will tickle the ivories all evening long. Beer and wine available for purchase. Downstairs at Town Hall, enter on Seneca Street. $15 - $10 Tickets & info
Advance tickets are $12/$10 Town Hall members, seniors & students only at www.brownpapertickets.com or 1800/838-3006. $15/$13 at the door.

The Moth Story Tour: Out On a Limb-Stories from the Edge
Sunday, October 15 , 7:30 PM
The Moth, “New York’s hottest and hippest literary ticket” (The Wall Street Journal), makes its first appearance in Seattle! The evening features several well-known raconteurs, including Dan Savage, Sherman Alexie, and Jonathan Ames, as well as other favorite storytellers from New York city including Sherman OT Powell (retired pickpocket), Steve Osborne (NYPD lieutenant), and Michaela Murphy (writer and director of Something Blue). Author and storyteller par excellence Jonathan Ames, hosts the evening. Each participant tells a ten-minute, first-person narrative without script or notes. Audience members and storytellers continue swapping stories over beer and wine (available for purchase) after the show. The Moth Story Tour is presented by TNT. Co-presenters are Kiehl's and The Stranger. $12 - $10 Tickets & info
Tickets are $12/$10 Town Hall members, students, and seniors. Town Hall members receive priority seating. Advance tickets only at www.brownpapertickets.com or 800/838-3006. Visit www.themoth.org for more information.

Modern Japan: ‘Shutting Out the Sun’
Monday, October 23 , 7:30 PM
The world’s second-wealthiest country,Japan once seemed poised to overtake America. But in the 1990s Japan entered a period of stagnation from which it has yet to recover. Its fiscal depression has spread to the country’s political system as well as its national consciousness. An extreme example of the problem is the more than one million young men who have given up on school or employment, spending their days in their apartments. Michael Zielenziger, journalist and scholar, presents a portrait of these “hikikomori” and reveals how they are both a symptom of and metaphor for Japan’s ennui. Seven years as Tokyo bureau chief for Knight Rider newspapers gave Zielenziger the necessary access to this closed society and the resulting book, Shutting Out the Sun, is a fascinating story with implications for the rest of the world. Presented with Elliott Bay Book Company. Downstairs at Town Hall, enter on Seneca Street. $5 Tickets & info
Tickets are $5 at the door only. Town Hall members receive priority seating.

I can't make the first one on physics, but I am definitely very desirous to see The Moth.
Let me know if you want to join.

Can you keep a secret?

The Smoking Gun is reporting that Japanese pop princess (and one of my favorite J-Poppers) Utada Hikaru’s mommy, Junko got busted here in the states under suspicion of drug dealing or smuggling.

Great job, Junko. She had 400,000 bucks in wrapped cash on her person and the drug dogs were all over the money.

Utada Hikaru is now claiming the money. I feel that this confirms that rocket science and j-pop are mutually exclusive.

Feed me, Seymour!

Today as I was compiling data and making redundant graphs, I realized that I had left a loaf of artisan bread on the counter.
Normally this would not induce me to leap from my chair and rush to my car, however, I am still pet-sitting and I swear to God, that cat has an eating disorder.
Last night it sneakily jumped onto the counter to lick the dirty silverware in the sink. There it promptly slipped on the edge of the sink and got dunked in dirty dishwater.
Oh ho! I laughed.
Ten minutes later, there he is again. So I walk over casually, grab the sprayer faucet and hose the little bastard.
Now that was a surprised kitty.
A few days ago he even was tearing into the bread I had just brought in from the car before I could let the dog in. He spends the majority of every evening pounding on the pantry door and raowering for food.
All I could picture as I rushed home was his fuzzy fat kitty corpse all burst with olive rosemary bread like the fat guy in SE7EN.

Booooooooooorrrrrrrrrrrriiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnng

Steve and I went to the Mariner's game last night. Sooooo boring. Our bullpen is crap. We only have two good hitters. Luckily our fielders are great. Too bad fielders don't win ball games.
Steve and I were bored enough that I was teaching him powwow songs.
The last game of the season is Sunday. I've got amazing seats for the last two games, but I will probably just eat and drink too much.

In news that doesn't suck, I found this nifty graphic:
This is every Dr. Who. I've never been tempted to sing the Duck Dance during Dr. Who.

Exactly.

The Truth Behind the Spinach Scare: Cheap Beef

Christopher Wanjek
LiveScience's Bad Medicine Columnist
LiveScience.com Wed Sep 27, 4:30 AM ET

When in Mexico, the saying goes, don't drink the water. You shouldn't eat the spinach either because it could be contaminated with the

E. coli strain that has sickened close to 200 people in the United States and killed at least one, likely more.

The problem is our food production system is so complex that most of us cannot be certain where our food comes from. Even the U.S. government, after two weeks on the case of the spinach E. coli outbreak, has narrowed the source to, oh, somewhere in central California.

Gee, you think? California produces about three-fourths of the nation's fresh spinach, and Salinas Valley accounts for about three-fourths of that. These guys are sharp. But they aren't looking closely enough.

There are two ways for the U.S. government to greatly minimize the risk of an E. coli outbreak: start supporting local farming and stop mass-producing cattle, the true source of E. coli. Neither will happen soon, however, because it infringes on the American pursuit of cheap, crappy food.

You excrete billions

E. coli, short for Escherichia coli, is a bacterium with hundreds of strains, most of which are relatively harmless in healthy individuals. E. coli is ubiquitous is the guts of cows and humans and is spread from cow to cow and from human to human through feces.

Humans excrete billions of E. coli bacteria with each bowel movement, which is why hand-washing is so important.

Cows don't have the luxury of hand-washing. When they are cramped into pens, ankle-deep in the manure of hundreds to thousands of cows, E. coli tends to spread. Bacteria can splash up on udders and get into milk; or get into intestines and contaminate meat during the slaughtering process; or pass through the cow in manure and ultimately end up on crops directly as fertilizer or indirectly by leaching into the water supply.

Most E. coli outbreaks in the United States are caused by a particular virulent and deadly strain called O157:H7. If you eat, you are at risk.

Meat eaters are at risk because most beef is loaded with harmful bacteria, often the bad E. coli, and needs to be cooked. Vegetarians aren't spared, as evidenced by the spinach E. coli outbreak. Organic consumers aren't spared; organic spinach can have E. coli. And raw food advocates are most certainly at risk, because cooking is the best way to kill the bacteria.

Local food is best

It's September. Every state in the union can grow spinach. In fact, spinach is largely a cool-weather spring and fall crop. Why is California growing all of our spinach?

At work are the perverse forces of economic markets, not the forces of nature. The U.S. food production system has been fined-tuned to maximize profits for a small group of farmers, often corporations, holding vast acres of land.

Spinach from small, local farms could very well be contaminated with E. coli O157:H7. It simply wouldn't spread to other states, or to other cities for that matter. Health authorities would be able to identify the source of the bad E. coli within hours. And tons of safe spinach sold around the country wouldn't need to be recalled "just in case," as is the case now.

Small-scale farming inherently means fewer hands and fewer opportunities for contamination---bacterial, viral or parasitic---from field to fork. So while the small, local guys aren't immune to the kind of contamination problems that plague the big guys, the odds are in their favor.

Big, fat cows

While some food safety experts are unfairly bashing organic farmers and their reliance on manure for fertilizer, the real culprit behind E. coli outbreaks is the industrial beef and cattle industry. First, certified organic farmers are prohibited from using raw manure for 90 days before harvest of food for humans. Second, most organic farmers compost their manure, which kills most E. coli.

Industrial beef and dairy farms are disease-ridden cesspools. A growing body of evidence suggests that corn-fed cattle have higher counts of E. coli O157:H7 compared to free-range, grass-fed cattle, which seem largely free from this bacterium. The reason is twofold: Free-rangers come in less contact with each others' manure compared to stressed-out cattle packed in feeding lots; and corn makes the cow's stomach juices more acidic, which gives rise to the acid-loving O157:H7 strain.

Also, mega-farms cannot get rid of their tons of O157:H7-rich manure. This sits in cesspools and ultimately contaminates the surrounding environment.

Switching back to free-range, grass-fed cattle would solve this problem. But beef would be more expensive, and some view this as a bad thing despite the epidemic of obesity and diabetes and the clear link between high beef consumption and colon cancer.

Zap those buggers

Look for Band-Aid solutions touted in the weeks to come, such as irradiation, with its cute, deceptive nickname of cold pasteurization. Irradiation entails zapping food with gamma rays, X-rays or electrons to deactivate harmful bacteria along with other stuff helpful in the food, like vitamins.

But with the unnatural process of irradiation, we can continue the unnatural but cheap practice of feeding cows corn, which they can't digest, so we can continue the unnatural process of consuming lots and lots of this modern invention called the cow.

Then maybe we can counter any adverse human health effects with expensive surgery or drug therapy. It's the American way.

Christopher Wanjek is the author of the books “Bad Medicine” and “Food At Work.” Got a question about Bad Medicine? Email Wanjek. If it’s really bad, he just might answer it in a future column. Bad Medicine appears each Tuesday on LIveScience.

Best Cartoon Ever.

Hands down.
Captain Simian and the Space Monkeys

I got no strings on me.

Last night Cathi and I showed up to the String Theory lecture only to find that it there was not even standing room.
Seattle is totally full of dorks.
I am terribly bitter. Now I'll never be the smartiest person ever.

Luckily, there's a good cannoli place not too far away.

Jew for Jesus

So for years I have encountered the strangest thing. During the holidays, I will be in the checkout line and the checker or bagger will be Merry Christmasing the customers as the leave and they'll get to me and say Happy Hanukkah.
Now this is not an occasional occurrence. We are talking nearly every time I would go to the store in Philly and even 30% of the time now.
All this time I've wondered if there is some kind of Global Grocery Checker Zionist Conspiracy.
It turns out there is.
I've known about having Jewish relatives- though it is not talked about too often in my family (red neck, red neck, red neck). Now my mother drops that I am, in the technical sense, a Jew. Judaism runs in the female line, this woman is apparently my some increment of greats granny, thus I am one of God's chosen people. Eat your hearts out bitches.

Hello JDate.

Kidding! Sort of. I actually dated a phenomenal Jewish guy briefly in college and we eventually ended it when he found out that:
1. I wasn't Jewish (maybe he was led to believe I was Jewish by the constant phone calls from my female relatives to settle down and raise some kids.)
2. I wasn't going to switch.

So I'm just saying, David, if you are out there stalking me over the interweb, looking for just this sort of technicality, call me!

It's a Doozy

I had a busy weekend.
Friday was Rachel's surprise birthday party at the BalMar in Ballard. Of course yours truly arrived in time to bumble in between two police blockades thus finding a nice parking space.
I parked about four spaces up from this:














I had a great time at the party, and I think Rachel did two. Below are some pictures that Rachel took with her nifty new camera that she received for her birthday.

Rachel and Brandon, the cutest couple I have ever seen.














Jackie, Rachel, Monica, and Maya














Rachel and some funny looking girl.














Saturday:



















Saturday morning I watched Network again. I can't get over how much this movie filmed in 1976 captures the sentiment of today. The power that the media holds, the feelings of helpless anger that the public feels, and the way that programing is changing. Our shows are tougher. Less Friends, more House. It is just really interesting to me. Seriously, watch this movie.

Later I went to the First Annual Edmonds School District Indian Summer Powwow. It was great! Monica and I went and had a great time. Attendance was pretty good for such a small scale event and I really hope that they raised some money for the Indian Education Department, because they could sure use it.
I will try to get some pictures posted soon.

After that I dragged Monica to Poker Night at the Comic Stop. It was great fun, and I particularly enjoyed seeing Jim again, especially so close to his birthday. I made a cake off of a dubious recipe that turned out to be pretty good. I have never played poker so poorly, though I was cursed with Jacks and Fours, which are not necessarily useful.
When I returned home from poker night I found out that I had accidentally locked the cat in the pantry for numerous hours. In my defense, he sneaks in there. Oh well. He doesn't seem to be holding a grudge.

Sunday:

Monica, Bonnie, and my cousin Sean and I all went to the The Puyallup Fair. My menu for the day:
Strawberry shortcake, cotton candy, a crusty pup, curly fries, funnel cake, and a milkshake.
I can't believe I didn't spend the evening rolling around on the floor murring to myself.

In the evening Melody came over and we watched Night Watch.


















It's a Russian movie about good and evil. It is a kind of sci-fi, fantasy, horror movie. While I really liked it, I felt that like most movies made from books, things that are unnecessary and nonsensical are included to placate fans. The story could have been fleshed out in some portions and many characters and vignettes could have been axed to make a stronger and easier to follow movie. I was definitely confused during certain parts. Although two reasons for my confusion are generally unrelated to the actual movie.
1. I can't tell people- especially men- apart. Not just in movies, but in general. When we go out sometimes I will tell some guy, "Now look, I'm trying to be kind here, but I JUST told you no." Only to realize that I told some other spiky-haired stripey-shirted guy to get lost. Let me tell you, Poker Night is a nightmare in terms of names.
2. I can never really understand foreign films. I think as much as all people everywhere are the same, they are totally and completely different. If you don't believe me, go to Youtube and just type in Japan.

Oh and one thing to pimp:Ask a Ninja.

Wicked

Last night my cousins and I went to see Wicked.
Wicked was visually pleasing, had a few very good lines, excellent performances, and two or three pretty good songs, but I felt that the show was so-so. I enjoy musicals in general but there is this musically predictable sort of Andrew LLoyd-Webber styled sort of musical that I don't enjoy. Where there are soaring inspirational songs and sorrow songs and boring boring love songs.
There have been a few musicals in the past few years that I think have escaped that trap, Chicago for one, but where is a new style? There was the Roger's and Hammerstein style, now the Lloyd-Webber style, what's next?
Maybe I'm a curmudgeon, but I want to see something new in musicals.
Wicked was nice and I don't feel like I wasted money to go and see it. If Chicago was a decadent molten chocolate cake, Wicked was a perfectly nice store bought cookie.

Lady of the Morning

This morning I came in a little under an hour early to actually get something done.
I was filling out tedious paperwork quietly singing along with the music when a ludicrously hot guy walked up to turn in paperwork.
I had been listening to Death Cab for Cutie and was a wee bit embarrassed out of nowhere it shuffled to





Styx....








Bu bu bu bu but, I was sparkling clear and lovely.

Riddle me this...

So three days ago I went to make a copy. The copier was so out of toner that it actually wouldn't make a copy. "Lazy bastards" I grumbled to myself as I pull down the extra toner box. "Hmmmm, this feels mysteriously light." And lo, it was empty.
Now on the top and front of the box, and on the shelf upon which it sits is a neon pink sign that says: "When you remove the last toner, please order 3 more. Thanks." I should mention that all you do is leave a voicemail on a 1800 number and they mail you more.
So I turned to a coworker and said, "I can't believe we're out of toner." Then she responded, "Oh yea, we've been running out for like three days."
So, for three days, the toner warning message came on before every single copy was made and not one person thought, "maybe I should put a new toner in."
So, of course, I actually ordered toner and sent out a friendly and polite email along the lines of:

Hi everyone,
Please remember to order or to ask your support person to order more toner, staples, or paper if the supply looks low. A good time to reorder is when you put the last full toner cartridge in the copier. Currently there is no toner for the copy machine and there will be no toner for 3-5 days. You will need to send all copy jobs to the print shop in the mean time.
To order staples or toner, or to report a problem with the machine, the phone number for the company is blah blah blah. The machine is a blah blah and its identification number is blah blah blah.
Additionally, if the copy machine is jammed, please remove the jam, or ask someone for help removing the jam.
Thanks for helping the department run smoothly,
Quiana

Then today, some crazy woman with whom I work, comes into my cubical and says that I have to go out and find toner (toner trees? toner mario bros. surprise boxes: if I punch them three times it just pops out? toner leprechauns?) and that this is unacceptable and that people like myself who are in charge of the copier need to do their jobs and if they need to check it all the time then so be it.
I VERY politely told her that I don't have any copier related responsibilities and furthermore that the only reason I am ALWAYS doing copier maintenance is because I am the only one who will actually get off of my duff and do it.
"I have very important copies to make and what am I supposed to do now" she screeched. I told her to send it to the Print Shop. Then she said , "I sent something there two days ago and I told them to do it by yesterday and it didn't come." "Uhm. Did you go and get it?" I asked incredulously. "No" she announced with finality, "but this is totally unacceptable."

Now here is the riddle bit:
Today the toner cartridges arrived, should I:
A. Put the toner in the copier and send out an email?
OR
B. Put the toner in the trunk of my car till Monday?

Dear man at work who sucks at adultery,

Not only do you suck at adultery, you suck at your job too.

Imagine the look on my face when I received from you a box containing hundreds of legal affidavits and related papers that appeared as though they had been collated by drunken tap-dancing pandas who had attached the papers to their feet whilst dancing across a bed of hot coals and broken glass.

A mere 3 weeks before the legally mandated deadline to have the papers available for audit, I was forced to return all the forms to you and rat you out to your boss.

The only way I could hate you more is if you were entirely constructed of popcorn, seafood, melons, and nuts and were taking a shit in my favorite Coach handbag whilst singing Who Let the Dogs Out.

You are so ridiculously useless that the only purpose you could possibly have on this planet is as a paperweight.

déjà vu

1. When I get home he jumps all over me and immediately wants dinner.

2. He doesn’t help me make his dinner, but follows me around getting in my way while I cook.

3. When he is done eating he immediately runs off to play, leaving me to do all the cleaning too.

4. When I am trying to tidy and get my evening work done he follows me around, slapping me in the ass, insisting that I stop doing what I am doing and focus on him.

5. When we watch TV together, he hogs the good seat and sits with one arm on the arm-rest and the other thrown over my shoulder or on my knee. His face is one inch from mine. He steals my snacks and sips of my drinks.

6. At night he hogs the bed, invades my space, farts, kicks me, and steals my pillow.

7. He follows me around with slavish devotion, always under foot, begging for attention.

8. He gets bored when I’m reading or knitting so he interrupts me to suggest alternate activities.

9. He bugs me when I’m in the bathroom

10. He is noisy, smelly, and smothering, but he sure is easy on the eyes.

I think I am dog-sitting the canine incarnate of my ex-boyfriends.

Worst movie ever. Seriously.

The Family Stone.
I hated everyone in this movie. They even managed to make Luke Wilson and Dermot Mulroney unattractive. What a waste of a good cast.
Last Warning:
Diane Keaton and Craig Nelson make out scene.
If you still watch this garbage, you have nobody to blame but yourself.

Coup Coup Kachoo.

Thai commander takes over after coup
By GRANT PECK, Associated Press Writer

BANGKOK, Thailand - Thailand's army commmander ousted Prime Minister Thaksin Shinawatra in a military coup Tuesday night while the prime minister was in New York, circling his offices with tanks, declaring martial law and revoking the constitution.

An announcement on national television signed by army Commander-in-Chief Gen. Sondhi Boonyaratkalin ordered all troops to report to their duty stations.

As soldiers and armored vehicles moved through Bangkok, an announcement from the military earlier declared a provisional authority loyal to beloved King Bhumibol Adulyadej.

The announcement declared that a "Council of Administrative Reform" had seized power in Bangkok and nearby provinces without any resistance. It recognized the king as head of state.

Normally I'm anti-military coup, but the King of Thailand is pretty cool. And Thailand has a good history of productive coups. The last coup ushered in the best leadership Thailand has had since WWII, so cross your fingers!

PS- The Associated Press has a typo! Ha! Losers.

I'm just saying....

I've been pondering this Pope scandal. Pope-gate, if you will. Some thoughts:
1. Not the most brilliant thing to quote at the moment, however upon perusing the rest of the text that he quoted and under the context of his lecture- why reason (science) and religion need each other- it isn't quite as awful. But still, over all, not good to say "evil" and "Mohamed" together. Not very nice either.
2.When somebody slanders your religion as violent and you don't agree, burning down their churches is probably the least persuasive argument.
3. When apologising something better than the following would probably be better:
"I am deeply sorry for the reactions in some countries to a few passages of my address at the University of Regensburg, which were considered offensive to the sensibility of Muslims. These in fact were a quotation from a medieval text, which do not in any way express my personal thought." He went on to say: "If the offensive comments that were made offended you, quit being wussy. I can't help your "feelings." Besides, I just say things I don't mean all the time, hey, nice sweater, Steve."
4. Now some people are calling for a war against the "worshippers of the cross." I totally don't worship a cross. And while I do follow (rather slapdashedly) the teachings of Jesus, I would like to just put it out there again: I'm not with this guy.