Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Monday, February 22, 2010

Dear Makers of "Fun Size" Skittles,

You rat bastards.

Why is it so hard to make reasonably even distributions of Skittle flavors in your packs?

Why are their always three million yellows or oranges? Why never red?

Where are all the surplus reds? Are you eating my reds? You are sitting there at your desk eating all of my red Skittles as I write. I KNOW IT IS TRUE.

Please see photographic evidence of you latest transgression below.

You are officially on notice, Skittle swapping creeps!

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Roger Ebert and Being Awesome

A while ago I started reading Roger Ebert's blog in the Chicago Sun-Times. You may only think of Ebert as a movie reviewer, but Ebert is a talented writer and deep thinker. His blog is occasionally about film, but more frequently about life. Ebert himself is fading from life (having readied himself to die) after cancer and numerous surgeries, which have robbed him of speaking, eating, drinking, and facial expressions. His blog is his means of communication with the greater world.

There is something beautiful in his writing. Not simply his skill in expressing himself. Something more. The way he thinks. The way he feels and that he wants us to understand and feel too. Reading his blog is like breathing in a tiny piece of Ebert. Savoring a small piece of a great man's soul.

There is a fantastic story about Roger Ebert in Esquire and I would really encourage you to read it. Both Ebert's blog and the Esquire story are well worth the time to read.

Happy reading.

Sunday, February 14, 2010


A while ago the roommie and I went out for Korean BBQ and I'm pretty sure the workers at the restaurant thought we were leotarded.

They cooked the meat for us; and I'll admit, it was a bit off-putting.

Perhaps they thought my big round eyes are unable to determine meat doneness. It is more likely that it's illegal to allow us to grill our own around here, but I prefer to believe that being unable to determine meat doneness is a common stereotype abroad.

You know, white folks don't know how to grill, Asians are good at math, and black guys have big... hands.

Let me assure the fine proprietors of the local North Seattle Korean BBQ establishment that I did not get into this physical condition by not knowing how to cook food and put it in my face.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

hungy hungy hippos!

Dear Universe,

How are you? I'm hungry.

Remember when I lived in Japan and the food was so ridiculously delicious? I know! It was awesome. And it made me sad that I couldn't get that food here.

Then you brought me Beard Papa's cream puffs and I was excited. That was pretty awesome. First one in Hawaii, handy when visiting relatives. Then one in San Francisco, still handy for the visiting. Then one in Vancouver, more motivation to visit my parents. Then BOOM. Two in Seattle. I was happy. It takes me less time to drive to Beard Papa's and buy a cream puff and scarf it, than to wait in the appalling lines outside the Beard Papa's I frequented in Tokyo. Good on you.

Well, now I'm the mood for something salty after all these cream puffs. Today I learned that Yoshinoya, one of my favorite stumble-in-after-drinking-and-have-a-bowl-of-rice-topped-with-beef-joints has like 300 locations in California.

Universe, where is my Yoshinoya? Do not withhold divine beefy goodness. Not cool.

And while I'm making requests, where is my Cozy Corner, purveyors of sweets that are not too sweet? I would like a decorated little cake. Very very much. Look at how pretty they are. See, all the yummy goodness, also the small bear you can buy to insert a candle in its head, so that you don't ruin your cake by placing a candle in it, but instead you can put a small bear's butt in there (but it's ok to put it's butt in there because it is made of gum drops. AND I AM NOT EVEN SHITTING YOU.).

Or the Little Mermaid one of many bakeries in Japan where you could find bread stuffed with many things including mayo (better than you'd think), bacon, or even OTHER BREAD.

Never mind the too numerous to mention hole in the wall ramen joints, rasta bars, and random excellent purveyors of Japanese food, all sorts.

So, Universe, dear universe, please send me more delicious Japanese food. And an In & Out. Also an El Pollo Loco. (I know it isn't good, I just like it.)

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

They should at least find you handy.

You know how sometimes you go to Home Despot and they ask you if you need some help and then they act like you're a complete moron? No? Maybe that is just me.

This is how this went:

Home Despot Guy: Can I help you find something?

Q: A good all-weather heat-resistant silicone caulk.

HDG: This one might be good for that. Doing a sauna or hot tub?

Q: Nope, trunk leak.

HDG: Uhm... I don't know if that's a good idea.

Q: This is American ingenuity at work, friend.

And now my trunk doesn't leak. Furthermore, having recommended it to my coworker, hers doesn't either.

You gotta problem? Yo, I'll solve it.